bite your tongue

Here’s what I wanted to do: lash out, make sure she knew I wouldn’t allow her to treat my kids that way, destroy her with my words.  You’re upset with me?  Fine.  But don’t mess with my kids. 

But I let it sit.  And I prayed about it and prayed about it.  And had some angry talks with Chris.  And I was pretty much at peace with this person being immature and I was going to leave it at that.

Then this weekend I had the perfect opportunity.  It was like a gift from God.  She left herself open for my wrath and it was going to be beautiful. I even wrote it out, told Chris about it, and was going to let it sit for a while to make sure I was making the right decision.

And then we went to church. 

If I had just stayed home, I’m sure I would have gone through with it.  But then during the sermon, we were reading 1 Timothy and after the minister had moved on, I kept reading the chapter.

And then I understood.

Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resent.
1 Timothy 2: 23-24

This is exactly what I was doing.  I didn’t know there was an argument, I thought it was over, and then she took it out on my kids, but made sure her kids got theirs.  I felt the need to make sure she knew she was wrong now.  Before I didn’t care, but she made it too personal and now I was going to join the argument. 

And then God said don’t.  It’s not worth it. 

And, truthfully, I didn’t like being told that.  I still don’t like it very much, but I’m working on it.  Some people just play dirty, are dirty.  And I’m trying not to stoop to that level.

But it’s hard.  Really hard.

Because I always want to win, always have the last word.  It’s who I am.

But I don’t always get to or need to.  And God is showing me that and working on my heart and loving me inspite of myself. 

What a lovely little mess I am.