(teal skinnies: Target, blouse: H&M, booties: Old Navy, necklace: Target, bracelets: Rue 21)
[photos by the talented Jess Bell]
Recently, my mom passed on her copy of The Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. It’s the original one she bought after I was born and she realized I was going to be “a handful.”
I think it gave her a little too much pleasure passing it on to me.
After I’m done reading it (actually, after I start and then finish reading it), I think I’ll pass it along to my boss. I got a new one a couple months ago and he’s not handling me very well. He seems to think opinionated and strong willed means I need to be broken down and fixed. That I’m not doing what’s best for my school because I have opinions that differ from his.
Needless to say, I’m not enjoying my job right now.
And that would be putting it kindly.
I’ve been struggling for almost a year with my career choice. This teaching thing has become too much of a burden. Everyone and their mom feels they know what’s best for education. Having my passion (and what I sometimes think of as my gift) torn down repeatedly in the media has started to wear on me.
I decided I didn’t want to do this anymore.
But there are days where I think I could still do it, I just need to do it differently. Less committments. Less responsibilities. Less coaching. Less leadership roles.
Just teach kids.
And then come home at the end of the day. I’ve forgotten what that feels like.
But then comes along this new leader and it feels like he’s only here to crush everyone’s spirits. To make us feel not good enough, watched, and micromanaged. Instead of being encouraging, he’s only here to tear us down. Turn us against each other. It’s a horrible environment to work in.
And that makes me rebel. My strong willed spirit doesn’t handle those feelings well.
Maybe this is God’s way of telling me–hinting to me–that I was right, I shouldn’t be here anymore.
But it’s still hard to think about.
Still hard to imagine.