I’m going through a new devotional study
It did something deep in me to really think about Moses not getting to see the fruit of his labor. His labor that was, for a lot of the journey, hard and frustrating. I have heard or read this story countless times, known the story of the Israelites and Moses my whole life. But now, right now in this moment, God spoke this story to me in a new way.
Maybe it was the converging of Jessi Connelly’s talk at the Influence Conference about building God’s kingdom instead of our own and this devotion, but the idea of working and toiling and building for God and possibly never seeing the fruit of that labor is suddenly very real to me.
My life is full of building things I will never see the fruits of: my students are with me for 180 days and then they move on to eighth grade and the high school and the rest of their lives; I write my thoughts on faith and my struggles then throw them out into this giant space called the internet and hope it does some good. I’m doing all this building that I can’t see the outcome of. I will never know what happens to most of my students after they leave my classroom and my school. I don’t know what happens to my words once they leave my fingertips and I hit publish.
I think most of us, in our lives, have areas where we hope and pray that God is using us or the situation for his glory, but we won’t ever see the end result. We won’t ever see the big picture the way God does. We, like Moses, might make a lot of sacrifices and journey long and hard for something we’ll never see.
For me, this is a lesson in building because I’m told to, not because I’m guaranteed to see the successes and failures. For me, this is a lesson in trusting because I know He is for me. For me, this is a lesson in having faith when I don’t know the outcome and the answers (which are two things I really like to know…). So many lessons.
I feel the urgency in building God’s kingdom and not mine like Jessi said. I feel the shame of trying to build my own kingdom for God as opposed to building God’s kingdom. I feel the frustration that Moses felt when he knew he had to keep working and following God even though he would not reach the goal he set out for. But he did it anyway.
And I feel grateful that I can read a Bible story a million times and each time God speaks something different to my heart.
I love this post! I am studying the story of Moses, as well, through Bible Study Fellowship. Like you, I’ve known the story my entire life but God has opened my eyes to details and realities of Moses’ journey in a brand new way. A lot of it has been very humbling to me – such as when Moses fled Egypt after committing murder. Surely he thought he had ruined God’s plan for his life? Or when Moses spends 40 years (40 years! half a lifetime!) in the wilderness as a shepherd. Did he have any inclination that God would call him after all those years? Did he feel abandoned by God? Moses’ story is an incredible reminder for us to trust God’s timing and his transcendence over our lives.
It was wonderful to read your post in my inbox this morning and to be able to relate so closely to what you have to say.
So many good questions! And for so long, I didn’t really pay attention to Moses because I “knew” the story already. Dang, I was silly. That Moses was a murderer! What a creative and powerful God we serve, huh??
So honored that this resonated with you and thanks for sharing what you’re learning too! Loved your thoughts.
Wow! I’ve read/heard that story a millions time also and, like you, have never thought about that perspective. I’m a “results”, “fairness”, “efficiency” type person. I like to know that if I take steps A-D, then my result will be X (I also like algebra – lol). The thought of no results, no fairness, non-efficiency really bugs me. But God hasn’t promised that we’ll never be bugged by living for Him. If anything, the opposite is true.
I started reading your blog a few months ago and subscribed. I skip the book reviews because I can’t read a book if I know what happens. I skim the fashion posts and the product reviews. But when you write posts like this and others that are from your heart, they really speak to me! I just love how REAL you are with your faith. No mushy gushy “trust God and your life will be perfect” stuff. But reality, where living for God and finding our way can be smooth sailing at times and rocky & bumpy at other times, but turning to Him is always the answer. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
P.S. I’m gonna buy that devotional. Sounds really interesting and I LOVE The Message version of the bible.
Heather, I’m so honored that you’re an email subscriber! And I love your honest about what posts you read, that makes me smile and I know that not every post is for everyone BUT you can read my book reviews, I promise I don’t ruin the books! My English teacher heart would stop beating if that happened. 😉
I’m glad you can relate to the faith posts. I think Christianity wouldn’t have such a bad rap if more of us were real with our struggles and still pointed back to Jesus more often. So that’s what I’m trying to do…even if I do it wrong sometimes. Eh. Let me know how you like the devotional! It’s pushing me out of my comfort zone too–making me journal about hard stuff and showing me the Bible with new eyes.