Back in January, I decided my word of the year would be “run.” It meant lots of things, not just a physical run, but of all the things that came from that word, my acceptance of calling myself a runner has become the most apparent. I ran places in 2014. I ran races. I ran through hard moments. I ran early in the morning and late at night. I ran in the thick of summer when you’d start sweating just from stretching. I ran when it was so cold I couldn’t feel my hands. I ran in snow. I ran on treadmills in front of TVs. I ran with my dad, I ran with friends, I ran with strangers. In 2014, I ran.
I was hesitant for so long to say I was a runner. I don’t look like a runner. I don’t think I run as fast as a runner should run. I don’t know how to run well, I just lace up my shoes and run. Sometimes I enjoy it, but mostly I don’t. It’s a fight almost every time. But I just do it because I want to be a runner and I like how I feel afterwards. I thought being a runner meant one day it would click and I would just magically love running, that I wouldn’t constantly struggle to get out there, that I would look forward to a run.
And those things have happened occasionally. But they are elusive. I normally dread a run. Because I over-think it and am good at talking myself out of things, I tell myself how bad it’s going to be or how I can’t do it.
I am my own worst enemy, I get that. That isn’t true just for running.
But I’m here to tell you, yell it if I have to, that I AM A RUNNER. I run. I own running things, I have some race shirts, I run because it makes me feel strong, I run because I like to torture myself. In 2014, I became a runner.
I feel like I could have written this about myself (though it wouldn’t have been as good). I have always, for my whole life said I couldn’t run. That I never would, and I was very accepting of that fact. Too accepting, probably. Then I looked at my sister and thought “if she can do it, why can’t I?!” I started slowly, painfully. Yesterday I ran (still slowly) 3 miles without stopping for the first time. I’m so excited! I can’t wait to get a new PR on my half marathon time this spring 🙂
That’s awesome, Meghan! I ran three miles for the first time in October 2013 and two months later started training for my first half marathon. If you can do three, you can do 13.1. It’s all mental anyway. 🙂 Congrats, runner!