I don’t want to write about my faith.
There, I said it.
This isn’t what I pictured my writing career being about. Sure, I write other places and cover other topics, but when I started Trusty Chucks seven years ago, telling you about my faith journey was the farthest thing from my mind. Granted, there wasn’t much faith-journeying going on, but still.
Me, here, writing about Jesus and the Gospel message and sin and struggle? I still fight that battle with God every once in a while. But he’s made it very clear this is what he wants me to do and this is where I’m supposed to be right now. Even if about once a week, I ask again, Are you sure this is what I should be writing about right now?
The problem is now that I’m spending so much time with Jesus and he’s changing my life so much, I can’t not talk about him. I can’t not share what he’s doing and what I’m not wanting to do and what he’s doing anyway. It’s like I invited him in and he went into all the places I wasn’t really thinking he needed to be.
I guess Jesus is kinda rude and pushy if you really think about it.
Last January when I started my daily Bible reading, I still–to some extent–compartmentalized my faith. It worked with my Jesus friends. It worked at church. It was around at school occasionally. It was there with my family. But it wasn’t here on my blog much. It wasn’t with most of my friends. It wasn’t driving around in my minivan with me.
I could pick up and take Jesus where I needed him to be, where I thought he should be, and then leave him out of other places I didn’t feel like he fit.
And I really didn’t want him to fit on this blog much.
I had other plans for my writing.
But here’s what God did: he gave me success when I talked about him. He spread my writing farther when I shared him. He gave me opportunities and opened doors that were directly tied to me writing about my faith. And he let other things fail. Things I wanted to do that weren’t in line with what he wanted.
Flipping through the pages of my journals from last year, I came across prayer after prayer centered on asking God questions and pleading for direction. What do you want me to do? Where should I spend my time? What is my story and how do I tell others? Those weren’t questions directed at my writing, but at the feelings I could barely contain as I spent more time with him. Some days I felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t share something I was learning. Some days I literally could not sit still because of the things he was showing me.
And all I kept coming back to was write it. Find the words and write it.
Which is harder than you’d think since most of the best words are ACTUALLY ALREADY WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE.
There are lots of things I can’t figure out how to write yet. I’ve got 30+ posts sitting in my drafts right now with a few paragraphs written but never finished because words didn’t seem to do whatever I was feeling justice. I’ve got note cards filled with scribbles of things I need to shout from the rooftops because I don’t know what else to do with them.
It’s so frustrating that he tells me to write the ridiculous things that are in my head and then share them with others. While I’m not self-conscious (thank you, thirties, for that little gift), I also don’t necessarily want to invite a bunch of people into my brain to hear how weird I am.
I’d rather do anything than write about my faith.
Yet, here I am.
Nice one, Jesus. I hope you’re enjoying this.
Committing to spend daily time in the Bible will change your plans. If you ask God to lead you, he’ll do it but it’s probably not where you had envisioned. If you tell God your dreams, he’ll listen and then say that’s nice, but let’s go bigger.
In 2015, I met a God who made me do scary things that I felt were impossible. In 2015, I met a God who told me my plans were okay, but I was thinking too small. In 2015, I met a God who said hold on and I’ll show you why I made you.
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Things I scream when I feel like I’m going to burst with God’s love and I don’t have words of my own:
My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever. -Psalm 145:21
We thank you, God, we thank you–your Name is our favorite word; your mighty works are all we talk about. -Psalm 75:1
You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love. One look my way and I was hopelessly in love! -Song of Songs 4:9
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory. -Isaiah 6:3
I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms–I’m singing at the top of my lungs, I’m so full of answered prayers. -Psalm 13:5-6
I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. -Isaiah 61:10
God–you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. -Psalm 63:1
(If you’re interested in how I started my journey of spending time each day in the Word, start here.)
Mary,
I’m glad Jesus is making you write about your faith! It has really inspired me, and I find myself sharing your words with the girls I coach (15 year old volleyball) when I can’t find the right ones myself.
Jessie, that’s awesome to hear! Thanks for the encouragement and for sharing my words. That’s so great.
Mary, your faith walk is awesome, glad you shared a portion of it. Ponder this, He will never love you more, give you more faith or grace then He has already given you. Because His love, faith and grace is already maxed out. God bless
John
Thanks, John. That’s a great point.
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Mary, when you write about your faith walk it is encouraging and hugely exciting to here how our BIG God calls us and woos us to do things for Him that are way beyond our imagination. It is the most exciting way to live…..living beyond ourselves.
You’re so right, Mary! Exciting, scary, exhilarating, frightening, and amazing…all rolled into one. 🙂
Mary,
Wow, what an awesome mini-series this has been! You are an inspiration to me and a true role model for me, with my adventures with Jesus. I know you’re not particularly fond of being a role model, however, like you said, your writing has hit people in bigger ways and for me, those are my soft spots. The ones I”m working so hard on. You need to hear that. I pray for you, and your family, daily and even though I should no longer be surprised with how God listens, I continue to be an on-looker in awe. Last night was an answered prayer and sounded like it was on your heart too. As much as I want to chalk it up to irony, we both know that our seating placement was God Himself; maybe even showing off a little. Keep it up, lady, you rock!
Totally sneaky God move last night, for sure. I was shocked. That guy likes to catch me off guard. Thanks for your prayers, they are felt and appreciated. See you next week!