Last fall our small group disbanded. For those not familiar with the term “small group,” it’s just one of many ways to say a group of people that meet regularly and do a variation of church at home. These groups go by a million different names and every church has a slightly different version. Our group was made up of people from our church, but anyone can join and it’s not church specific.
Anyway, we are currently small group-less. Our group had been struggling along for a while and people kept missing more than attending so we just called a spade a spade and said maybe it’s time to part ways. But we still liked hanging out with the couples so we morphed into an every-other-month dinner club. We get a night away from kids and adult conversation with people we want to do life with/.. It’s fun.
Since that’s happened, God has been moving in my heart. I know what he wants, I know what he’s pushing us to do, but I’m feigning ignorance.
I know he wants us to start a small group in our home. It’s come up in the most random places and in the most odd ways. He’s made it very clear we need to gather some people and start a small group.
But I REALLY don’t want to.
Like really, really, really don’t want to.
I don’t even have a good reason not to. I just don’t want to. There aren’t even any excuses I could use right now. Our house, while small, is fine to gather 8-10 people in. I’m home during the day so there’s no last-minute cleaning or hustling that would need to be done before people arrived. I have the time.
The worst part is God’s putting all the people he wants in our small group right in front of me. Through out-of-the-blue comments about someone wishing they had a small group like we had. Or someone mentioning they are new to town and want to get connected more but don’t know where to start. And in a million other ways, during my quiet time and when I’m randomly walking through church, God’s signs are everywhere.
It’s kind of funny to see him trying to get my attention and me so blatantly ignoring him.
I’m sure he doesn’t find it that funny. But he also knows me better than I know myself so he knows eventually I’ll just yell, FINE. I’LL DO IT.
Then he’ll cackle a lot, and I’ll just roll my eyes.
I’m not sure if that’s actually how God works, but in my overactive imagination, that’s how I’ve painted him. Sorry if it doesn’t match your version.
Being in an intentional relationship with Jesus has lead to some crazy stuff. It’s neat to see how he shows himself when I really look for him. It’s overwhelming to think how present he is in my life and how much I was missing before. It’s fun too, even though that sounds weird. There’s a safety and a peace that comes with his relationship and even when he’s telling me to do big, scary things I do not want to do, I don’t feel anxious or frightened.
Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. -Isaiah 43:1b
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. -Proverbs 10:18
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. -Psalm 62:1-2
Offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. -Romans 6:17
But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never give up. -Psalm 86:15
I feel secure in whatever future he’s got for me. I feel calm in a way my always-going personality has trouble comprehending.
This would be another time I don’t know all the right words, but I know God’s in control and I’m just tagging along for this wild, unpredictable journey.
So it looks like we’ll be starting a small group soon.
And God cackled.
(Want to know more about how I started spending time in God’s Word on a daily basis? Start here.)