Mary Graham

Trusty Chucks Blog

I Deleted Facebook

No, really, it’s gone.

I’ve been dreaming about it for a while; this break up has been slowly coming for years.

It began four or five years ago when I deleted it from my phone. I wanted one less thing to waste time on so I removed the Facebook app.

It was probably around 2016. I was beginning to see stuff from people I was friends with that I didn’t like. Stuff that made my heart hurt, things that made me angry, things that made me lose respect and patience and love.

I didn’t like those feelings so I limited my Facebook access to my computer.

The two things keeping me on Facebook at the time: Facebook was good for my blog, for my writing career. And it held a lot of old pictures and videos I loved.

I began sharing less on Facebook. The past few years, I’ve probably posted something once a month? Maybe less. I stopped sharing most things about my kids online because they’re older now and it doesn’t feel like my place anymore. One day they’ll be able to see the things I’ve posted about them online. And while I don’t think there’s anything bad, they’re their own people with their own stories to tell and I want to give them the freedom to do that.

They still show up on blog posts and Instagram, but it’s very intentional and only with their permission. But mostly, I just avoid sharing about my kids now.

I choose to write about and share my life on the internet. They get that choice too.

As someone who runs a “business” on Facebook, things have changed a lot since I first created that Facebook page in 2011. So many things.

In 2021, I had 2,000+ followers, but none of them got to see the things I posted unless I paid Facebook to access their feeds. More than 2,000 followers and, on average, about 100 people would see a post organically.

I just don’t want to play those games.

Granted, I don’t rely on my blog or social media accounts for income. I blog for no other reason than I enjoy it. This is the exact same reason—maybe with just more focus and intention—I started this blog in 2008. (Shout out to Blogspot and all the dedicated people who used to read all the weird crap I wrote there! I’m slowly going through my archives and taking down lots of things I wrote a decade or more ago. There’s a lot of dumb stuff out there.)

I like writing so I write. But maintaining a website and an email list and a server and other website-related things costs me more than I make from blogging every month. I am always in the red running this space. (There was a time when I made a good income from blogging; I stopped doing that a few years ago because it’s not how I want to spend my time. Maybe that will change in the future. Who knows.)

But I pay those costs, because I like to have a place to write. A place where I don’t have to play games or figure out the latest algorithm changes. A place where I’m in charge, said the Enneagram Eight. (And, yes, I understand Google and ranking and how I’m still a part of the game in some ways, but I don’t make choices to influence those algorithms. I’m purposefully ignoring them.)

No matter the plan or goal, it’s bad business sense to build a business solely on platforms you don’t own or control. When Facebook went down this fall, I loved it. Everything was so quiet. I felt a sense of relief.

That’s when I knew it was time to get rid of Facebook for good.

Full disclosure: I have the job I love—a writing career—because of Facebook. Facebook, in its heyday, shared my blog posts widely. I gained thousands of email subscribers from Facebook. The site visits from Facebook allowed me to work with companies that paid me well to share their products. I got to collaborate with businesses that boosted my resume and byline. Facebook gave me Instagram and Twitter followers. Facebook let a former work colleague post about a contract job she had that led me to the full-time writing job I’ve had for a few years now. A job I love and feel really lucky to get to do every day. I am grateful for Facebook. For what it used to be.

But I don’t need it anymore.

Will my blog visits go down? Absolutely.
Will this move cost me money? Yes.
Will it bother me? No.

I’ll just keep writing here when I feel like it. I’ll still keep posting on Instagram when I want to and keep ignoring it when I don’t. Someone asked if I felt like I was still part of the machine since Facebook owns Instagram and WhatsApp (two apps I still have and use). My answer is yes, but on my terms.

I still find joy and value in Instagram. I follow who I like, unfollow who I don’t, and spend intentional time there with boundaries. Facebook was not like that for me. I constantly had to hide friends’ posts because they were racist and horrible. I lost respect for people I used to look up to. I saw too much ugly from people I was trying to love there. Plus, it seemed to be more and more a place for people who didn’t understand social norms still applied on the internet. That we don’t gossip and share misinformation and things we wouldn’t say to people’s faces. Facebook has become a place where all the ugly parts of people’s hearts were proudly displayed, commonly in the name of Jesus. Facebook became a dark, dark place. In the name of Jesus. How ironic.

Also, I’m not sure we’re supposed to know the innermost thoughts of a 1000 people we casually know. That seems more harmful than helpful. We know our brains aren’t made for that much information or that many relationships, all of it becomes surface level and fake. Facebook is a mess. Its influence on our culture and relationships and hearts is destructive and concerning.

I don’t want to be a part of that mess anymore.

It’s only been 30 days, and I already feel lighter.

I was able to request a file with all my data from Facebook, so I didn’t lose anything I was worried about. All the pictures of baby Ellie Graham and our yearly Beech Grove pub crawls are safely saved on my Google Drive. I hit delete in the early morning hours of November 1st. Facebook was worried about my choice. It asked a few times if I was serious. And they kept my account available for 30 days just in case I changed my mind. (The only things I will miss are Facebook Marketplace and keeping up with community and school news for our small town. But really, I lived without those things before, and I’ll do it again.)

In the 30 days since I deleted Facebook, I’ve noticed I mostly only used it when I was bored or trying to distract myself from the work I was supposed to be doing. It was a crutch, a really convenient crutch. I’ve only thought about Facebook when I’ve been bored or wanted to escape something. And that realization means I made the right choice for me.

Today is the last day I’ll have access to my old account, all my “friends,” business pages, photos, and comments. I know Facebook hopes I’ll come back. They made (and continue to make) a fortune off their users. A “free” website isn’t ever really free, you’re paying with your information, your time, and your dependency.

I don’t want to pay them anymore.

What does this mean for my other social media apps? Right now, nothing. The cost of using Instagram still comes out in my favor. That might change one day, though. I’m not making any promises. If I’ve learned anything from reading all those old blog posts from years ago, it’s that we learn and change and grow and do better when we know better. And the next step for me was deleting Facebook.

I guess we’ll just have to see where all this growing takes me from here.

Gift Ideas: Games & Puzzles

Okay, this is it. The final gift list for 2021. And this one might be the most fun?

The Grahams play a lot of games. We play games when we camp. We play games on the back porch on summer evenings. We play games a lot in the cold winter months. We also do a lot of puzzles in the winter. Winter feels like puzzle weather.

This is a list of some of our favorites. Truthfully, I had a hard time narrowing it down. Apparently, we love a lot of games and puzzles. So the main point of this post might not be to buy the ones we love (even though I think you’ll love them like we do!), but to play games with people you love and sit around a table with good snacks and an intricate puzzle with others. It actually doesn’t matter which ones you choose.

(Some of the following links are affiliates. When you use these links, I make a very small commission from your purchase. It doesn’t change the price for you. Thanks for supporting Trusty Chucks in this small way.)

Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza (link)
This is our current go-to game. We played it at Thanksgiving with family and had so much fun. It was the first time we’d played it with more than just the four of us, and it’s a much better game with a 5 or 6 people. Our dogs HATE this game because it’s loud (think slapping and pounding the table). They normally hide in my office when we play. It’s also kinda rough, but that’s only if you play with very competitive people who don’t tone it down when playing with kids. Which is my whole family. (This would be a great stocking stuffer.)

LEGO Minifigure 1000 Piece Puzzle (link)
Our family tradition is puzzles for Christmas morning. Chris and I normally each get a puzzle, and the girls get one too. After presents have been opened and we’re watching movies and eating more food, someone opens up one of the puzzles and then we spend the rest of the day, on and off, completing the puzzle. By the evening, everyone has spent some time working on it and it’s done. This LEGO minifigure puzzle was Chris’ puzzle last year. If you have a LEGO fan in your family, this one is really fun.

Uno Flip (link)
We play a lot of games when we camp, and this is one of the two card games we play the most. It’s like the original Uno, but the cards are two-sided and depending on how a card is played, you might have to flip your hand and start a whole different strategy to win. This is a more cut-throat Uno, and we love it. (This would be a great stocking stuffer.)

Tenzi (link)
Harper fell in love with Tenzi at school. She finally bought it for herself this summer when we were traveling, and she plays with it often. She can mess around with the dice by herself, play with Ellie, or we can all play together. It’s a quick game if you need it to be. For a stocking stuffer this Christmas, she’s getting the 77 ways to play card set that expands the Tenzi game into all kinds of other stuff.

Monopoly Deal (link)
This is the other card game we play a lot while camping. This one is a little more intense and time consuming than Uno Flip, but it’s easy to set up and clean up and is definitely shorter than the never-ending original Monopoly game. I’m actually not a fan of Monopoly, but this one isn’t half as bad as that boring version that takes four years to play. (This would be a great stocking stuffer.)

Scrabble (link)
Oh look, the English major is telling you to buy Scrabble. Didn’t see that coming. No, but seriously, Scrabble is fun! Ellie spent time at my mom’s this weekend, and she played it for the first time. She came home telling me how fun it was, and I was personally insulted she thought she was telling me something I didn’t know. Not to give you a very personal glimpse into our marriage, but Chris and I used to play Scrabble a lot when the girls were little. They’d go to bed, and we’d stay up late playing Scrabble. Like the elderly people we were meant to be. Our Scrabble board got ruined this summer while camping, so I’m getting a new one for Christmas. HUMBLE BRAG.

Exploding Kittens (link)
Adding this to the list because it’s an Ellie Graham favorite. The cards are clever. Death is eminent, but it’s fun (and quick). I love quick games, seriously.

Jenga (link)
Don’t sleep on Jenga. (Is anyone actually sleeping on Jenga? No. I just wanted to type that.) This is fun for all ages, and doesn’t last super long. (See above for my views on quick games.) You can play a few rounds in a short amount of time, and it’s fun for kids to play by themselves. When the girls were younger, they would “practice” Jenga so they were ready the next time family game night rolled around.

A Rainbow World 1000 Piece Puzzle (link)
This is another Christmas morning puzzle. We actually like to pick up puzzles when we travel and save them for presents. This is mine from last year; we picked it up in North Carolina, I opened it Christmas morning in Indiana, and then we carried it down to Florida where we celebrated the New Year. That’s the great thing about puzzles, they can go anywhere and fill a whole evening.

Ticket to Ride (link)
Okay, full disclosure: we own this, but haven’t played it yet. We know lots of friends who love it, so I’m trusting their opinions and adding this to the list. We’ll probably break it open in December, so I’ll come back and delete this if it’s dumb. Stay tuned.

Sequence (link)
I played Sequence a lot with my family growing up. We loved the strategy of it; how we could all play, no matter what age we were (I mean, not toddlers, but 10 and up, for sure). When the girls were little, I discovered they had made a Sequence for Kids (link) version so we used to play this when the girls were younger. We passed it on to our niece, because now the Graham girls (10 & 12) are old enough to play the adult version.

Pets Rock 550 Piece Puzzle (link)
Another fun puzzle we love. This is one the girls got for Christmas a few years ago. It’s the right size to be challenging but not overwhelming for older kids. Also, it’s pop stars as cats and dogs. If you have an Adele or Katy Perry fan, this would be fun to give them.

Mexican Train Dominoes (link)
Mexican Train is another classic we’ve been playing for years. You can play with 4 or more people and it’s just basic matching, but with strategy and luck. We love this one for game nights with friends.

Follow Your Nose Puzzle (link)
Last puzzle suggestion, I promise! They just make so many great puzzles now. You don’t even need my suggestions, just Google your favorite thing (succulents, shoes, maps, etc.) and “puzzle.” You’ll find plenty of great ones. We really love dogs, so this dog puzzle was a hit.

Skip-Bo (link)
Skip-Bo is another childhood classic for me. My maternal grandparents loved playing Skip-Bo, and we played it at their house all the time. It’s good for older kids or adults, and it would be a good addition to a family game night. (Again, another great stocking stuffer.)

Finally, two games I’m buying for Christmas this year that I’ve seen lots of people talk about recently: Slapzi (link) and IncoHEARent (link). Slapzi is made by the same people who make Tenzi, but it’s cards instead of dice. Harper has her eye on this one so Santa is bring it this year. If you’re interested in both Tenzi and Slapzi, Amazon sells them together as a set. IncoHEARent is more of an adult game. They do sell a kids’ verison, but I’m buying the adult version for game night with our friends. It’s along the lines of Cards Against Humanity, so keep that in mind if you’re gifting it. It’s not for everyone.

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED

Gift Ideas: For the Porch Mom

This gift guide is a direct result of peer pressure on Instagram. This wasn’t on the original list; I only had five gift posts planned, but someone suggested this idea and a surprising number of people were like, “yes, please” so here we are. I do have one more gift guide coming tomorrow and then I’m done. These are fun, but also, I’m too lazy for this much blogging anymore. I feel accomplished with 2-3 posts a month, and this is just too much. I have set the bar too high.

Okay, some background on how this gift guide happened and the title: I love a porch. The minute it’s warm-ish outside, I will spend my mornings on the porch drinking coffee wrapped in a blanket. In the evenings after dinner, I will be on the porch if you need me. When we moved here almost five years ago, we had three porches: two small concrete slabs and one stone back patio. Currently, we still have three porches, they are just much bigger and two of them are now covered.

The small slab off our dining room became—through a remodel—the porch off our kitchen. And the slab that was once completely covered by an overgrown bush became a much bigger porch with a grill and table big enough to hold seven of us. It’s surrounded by lush (in the summer) landscaping and lit with string lights. It became an extension of our kitchen, and we eat as many meals as we can out there.

The back patio—our largest outdoor space when we moved in—got a roof, ceiling fan, and new lights last summer. It’s now a place to lounge when it rains or rest from the sun on a hot day. There’s a picnic table there, along with a couch good for napping and some cozy chairs. In the summer, I work out there as much as possible. My work is easiest with a few computer screens in front of me, but if I’m in a meeting or responding to emails, I’m probably doing it from the back porch.

And now we move on to a paragraph about my third porch. This seems excessive, I agree. It’s also why I got so many requests to do a porch mom gift guide. I know porches.

Our newest porch is the front porch. We broke up the small slab from the uncovered front stoop in the spring, had a much larger slab poured, extended the roof to cover the large porch, and then added ceiling fans, new lights, and a porch swing. I promise, I’m done building or remodeling porches now.

Probably.

I’m almost ready for the list! Just one more thing! About the “mom” title in this list. You don’t have to have kids to be a porch mom. You can be a plant mom, a dog mom, or a friend mom to enjoy this list. The suggestion came about because I literally live on my porches for 5-6 months of the year and my IG followers know this because I’m obnoxious about it. I tried to come up with a better name, but “porch sitter” felt weird and “porch person” felt creepy. You too, no matter sex, relationship status, or family dynamics, can be a porch mom.

Now, let’s get started. (Some of these are affiliate links!)

Outdoor Rug (link)
This will come up a few times, so I just want to set the record straight right now: my preference for outdoor decor is natural colors that blend in instead of stand out. I don’t want a super colorful outdoor space. I want an outdoor space that matches nature. If you feel differently, great! But this is my list and these are the things that are on my porch so that’s why everything has a neutral or natural feel. I love a good indoor/outdoor rug to anchor a sitting area. My front porch has one, my back porch does not. It makes a space feel cozy so I put one on the porch I sit on in the morning.

Rocking Chairs (link)
I stalked Facebook Marketplace for months to find two used black rocking chairs, so I understand how hard they are to find and how quickly they sell. If your budget allows, grab a set like linked here. I like the wider ones that you can add a pillow or pad to. If you’re feeling really fancy, spring for the Cracker Barrel rocking chairs. And possibly a checkers set, just to complete the look.

Porch Swing (link)
Rocking chairs AND a porch swing? I know. I know. But this is who I am. I’m linking to a really nice porch swing that you can stain or paint, but I feel like this list is a little deceiving because half the stuff on my front porch was thrifted or used. I got my porch swing from my mom’s house. She had one she wasn’t using, so I brought it home, cleaned it up, sanded it a little, and painted it a flat black. Again, I like porch furniture that blends in to the surroundings. Also, did you know rocking or swinging literally helps our brains self-regulate? (Trampolines do this too.) So this is a mental health swing, see if you can buy it with your HSA account.

Outdoor String Lights (link)
Oh look, string lights for an outdoor space. An entirely new idea I just came up with.

Umbrella Planter (link)
Okay, so don’t actually buy this one—it’s ridiculously expensive—but something like it. I thrifted a terracotta one and filled it with succulents from a planter that was overflowing. It filled in over the warm summer months and the size/shape make it perfect for adding a plant to your patio table without taking up too much space that ends up being in the way.

Patio Table and Chairs (link)
This is the table and chairs we have on our kitchen patio. I love it because it matches my other patio furniture and is really comfortable. It’s not cheap, but it’s a good patio set that will last many years so I bit the bullet. The table, which looks like wood, is metal so it doesn’t weather or rot like an actual wood table does. The cushions come off and Home Depot sells inexpensive chair covers for the winter. I used to tear down all our outdoor furniture and store it in the shed or garage for the winter, but adding more square feet to each porch made that impossible this year.

Patio Umbrella (link)
I’ve had the same (bright red floral) table umbrella for a decade. This summer, the holes got big enough that it was time to retire. I asked for an off-white/khaki colored umbrella for Christmas to keep up with the theme of blending into nature. If you know someone who loves spending as much time outside as possible, a new patio table umbrella seems like a weird suggestion, but I’m getting one and I’m delighted about it.

Blackstone Grill (link)
Full disclosure: we have the Sam’s Club version of the Blackstone and highly recommend it. You can buy either one your little heart desires, obviously, but Sam’s Club version will save you a few hundred bucks. We love this grill. We do Sunday brunch on it. I make delicious chicken fried rice on it. Plus, all the other typical grill favorites. Chris got this for Father’s Day two years ago, and we’ve never regretted the purchase. (We do still own a charcoal grill too.)

Also, Chris Graham is getting a few grill accessories for Christmas to up the grill game. This set is fun if you already have one.

Tall Planters (link)
Speaking of Chris Graham, he built me some tall planter boxes like these last summer. I fill them with ferns, and they flank my patio doors. He made some for my mom last year, because she loved them so much. If you can’t get someone to make them for you, the ones I have linked are a great substitute.

Outdoor Pillows (link)
A good porch mom has an excessive amount of two things: pillows and blankets. You can never have too many pillows, inside or out. This is a life philosophy my spouse does not understand, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Blankets (link)
See: above, similar life philosophy, the more the merrier.

Plant Hangers (link)
Every spring my favorite local grocery chain will stock giant hanging ferns. I fill my car with them, then hang them on hooks everywhere I can. Never enough hooks. Put these in a porch mom’s stocking.

Hummingbird Feeder (link)
Porch moms love hummingbirds. 1 cup sugar + 4 cups water, boil it, let it cool, then fill your hummingbird feeder. Freak out every single time a little hummingbird stops for a drink. This will never get old.

Bird Feeder (link)
Same with birds. How many bird feeders is too many? Don’t answer that. Just don’t hang them too close to your porch—you want to see them from your porch, but not really close up—because poop.

Wind Chimes (link)
When we were in Iowa over fall break, we ended up at an Amish store where I found wind chimes I loved. That’s saying something because, while I like the idea of wind chimes, I mostly think they’re ugly. But this Amish store in the middle-of-nowhere Iowa had some I loved. I bought them and then, once in the car, realized they were made in Indiana, about an hour from my house. Meant to be.

While we were in North Carolina last year, we visited the Biltmore Estate and toured their gardens. I picked up these wind chimes, in a slightly different color then these, for my yet-to-be-built back porch. When I finally got to hang them up this summer, I was giddy. I love them.

Welcome Mat (link)
Funny or cute welcome mats are great, everyone loves them. For texture, add a larger patterned rug underneath. (Random tip: do you have a Five Below near you? I am morally opposed to junk stores like Five Below, but they have these great 3×5 woven rugs for about $5 and they’re perfect for layering under welcome mats.)

Paint-Your-Own Stepping Stone (link)
We ended up with paint-your-own stepping stones as a lockdown activity. The girls loved doing them, and I loved added them to my landscaping. This is not the exact kit I bought, I can’t find it, but this is the brand. They’ve lasted over a year and only faded slightly.

Okay, so this already completely frivolous and excessive gift guide is now going to go completely off the rails. I know this as I’m writing it. You know this as you’re reading it. Now that we’re all on the same page, let’s proceed.

Carhartt Beanie (link)
Porch moms love to go outside when the weather is a little iffy. It might be a little too breezy, a little too wet, or a little too cold, but a porch mom does not care. She just puts on a stocking cap and braves the elements.

Fluffy Bathrobe (link)
Speaking of “does not care,” porch moms will fearlessly wear their most obnoxious bathrobe on the front porch as their children catch the bus. Again, you don’t have to have children to do this. I have two bathrobes and specific jobs for each of them. I have a longer, gray bathrobe to wear when I’m getting ready to bathe or just done bathing. Very normal behavior. But then I have a shorter, very colorful, two sizes too big bathrobe for mornings. I put it on when I get up, wear it while I drink my coffee, and get the day started. Then I proudly wear it on the front porch as we wait for the bus to come. I would describe this bathrobe as “loud.” But it is so so cozy, and I will be buried in it. (The robe I’ve linked is similar to my funeral robe, but plain black. I wanted you to get the idea without drifting into discomfort and embarrassment. Also, my robe has a hood which I totally recommend. I like to put my hood on and pretend my family can’t see me when they’re being annoying.)

Oversized Coffee Mug (link)
While you’re wearing your robe on the front porch, drink coffee. That’s it. Drink coffee.

Bluetooth Speaker (link)
Chris has a slightly larger version of this bluetooth speaker, and we love it. It gets loud, syncs with no issues, and lasts forever. One day, I might have mounted bluetooth speakers on my back porch, but until then, this will do just fine.

Citronella Candles (link)
No one likes bugs while they’re living their best life on the porch. I haven’t actually tried these yet, but the reviews all say that actually work, so they’re saved in my cart for the spring. You could buy them for me right now as a Christmas gift if you’d like.

Okay, that’s it. Do with this information what you like. Also, I’m sorry.

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED

Gift Ideas: For the Camper

This week I’m doing gift suggestion lists and, if you didn’t know anything about me, these lists would tell you everything you need to know: inexpensive house stuff, books, gardening, and, now, camping.

I think you’ll like things on this list even if you don’t enjoy nature or leaving your house; the things we do camping are things you can do at home too. I mean, technically, a camper is just a house on wheels, but that makes it sound less fancy than I’d like. When we camp, we eat good food, relax, play, and explore. Those are things you can do anywhere. We just happen to be doing it with a house on wheels.

(Also! We’ve been camping for a while; this summer was our sixth year. We have accumulated a good amount of camping stuff by slowing adding things each summer. We didn’t buy our first camper and fill it with every single thing we wanted or needed. Camping—like most hobbies—can get pretty expensive. This is not a list of must-haves, this is a list of fun stuff to buy for someone who likes to camp. So don’t think these are all necessary. One of the great things about camping is you don’t actually need a lot of stuff to do it.)

Here’s our favorite camping/outdoors stuff. (Some of these are affiliate links, just FYI.)

Hello Nature Activity Cards (link)
Harper got these in her Easter basket a few years ago, and they’re great for kids who spend a lot of time outside exploring. Not everything works with the limited supplies of a camper, but there are enough here to never get bored on our weekends away. We don’t really allow our kids to spend much time on electronics, so packing stuff to keep them busy is important (we play a lot of games when we’re camping too; but we’ll talk more about those tomorrow).

Hand Warmers (link)
Sometimes we make our children go outside or hike in the cooler weather. I know, please call the authorities. These hand warmers make it a little less horrible for them. I put these in their stockings last year, and they were a hit.

Walkie Talkies (link)
Sure, your kids might have cell phones, but walkie talkies are different. This is a 4-pack so we can all have them if we need to. The girls love to explore together when we’re camping, and it makes me feel better about them wandering around when they have these. Just bring extra batteries, because they’ll play with them for hours. (They also play with these at home, both inside the house and out. Walkie talkies are just fun. Buy them for your kids.)

Fire Poker (link)
Last spring we camped with some friends and, while the weekend was fun, Chris Graham mostly fell in love with their fire poker. If you camp (or just have a fire pit in your backyard), you know how important it is to touch the fire at all times. Logs have to be moved. Things have to be adjusted constantly. Then adjusted *again* just in case. If you know someone like this, this fire poker will make their little pyro-loving heart happy.

Coffee Maker (link)
When I was first stocking the camper, I bought one of those small, four cup coffee makers. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Don’t do this; buy the regular-sized coffee maker and make lots of coffee with it. No one has time to make multiple pots of coffee when you’re camping. Spring for the big machine and find room for it. No regrets.

Small Crockpot (link)
Camping is fun, but if you’re not careful, you’ll spend all your time making food and cleaning up food. No, thank you. Especially if this is how you vacation, the last thing you want to do is the exact same things you do when you’re home. I have this small slow cooker and it’s the perfect size for a family of four. I don’t want leftovers when we’re camping, and this makes just enough for everyone to fill their bellies without a lot of extra. (I like to do chicken breasts or pork in the slow cooker; it’s easy to make sliders or tacos, etc.)

Phone Charger (link)
This might seem silly, but if you have an RV, just go ahead and spring for a few phone chargers to keep in the camper all the time. Someone is always going to forget theirs, the one in the car never makes it into the camper, and they’re not even expensive. Trust me, just buy some for the camper.

Good Fleece Blankets (link)
My motto is you can never have too many blankets, and, when you’re camping, a good fleece blanket is heaven. Use it around the campfire, on a picnic, or to layer up when you’re sleeping. I like the extra long ones because I’m tall, but the important part is that it’s a good fleece material. You can thank me later.

Comfortable Camp Chairs (link) (lowdown version Chris likes)
Please let it be known that in the year 2021, the Grahams have finally invested in quality camp chairs. We’ve spent the last six seasons in inexpensive chairs that have not let us live our best lives. That changed this year. I upped my game with a regular Kelty camp chair, and Chris went with the lowdown one. I, personally, hate that chair, but buy whatever you want. I don’t have to sit in it.

Magic Flames (link)
Nothing says campfire like purple and yellow flames. The girls love these magic flame packets you can throw in the fire to add color. They last a surprisingly long time. Just make sure you’re not planning to cook food over the fire after you throw them in.

Magnetic Spice Containers (link)
Space in an RV is limited. Especially in our first camper, we had hardly any storage space. These magnetic spice containers were great to store stuff in and stick to the oven vent. I didn’t use them for spices, but you could. And they never fell down, even on long trips.

Travel Spices Container (link)
Okay, so technically, I don’t have this, but I want it so I’m telling you about it. I’m really good at planning meals for camping and then only bringing 90% of the things I need to make the meal. And I always forget spices. I’ve finally learned to keep some stuff (taco seasoning, seasoned salt, garlic powder…) in the camper, but this little spice container would solve so many of my problems.

Quick Dry Beach Towels (link)
Speaking of limited space, I love these quick dry beach towels. I’m slowly phasing out of bulky ones and replacing them with these. They’re a little more expensive than a normal beach towel, but having a set of towels that dry really quickly and take up 1/4 of the space are worth it when you’re living that camper life.

Scissors with a Bottle Opener (link)
I love things that multitask when we’re camping. Every camper needs a good pair of scissors and these, complete with a bottle opener, are up to the task.

Backpack (link)
Yes, we have plenty of backpacks at home, but we keep a backpack in the camper for hiking or picnics. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s always nice to have an extra backpack for trips to the pool, a hike, or to take on a canoe trip. Mine is pink, but this tie dye one is pretty cool too.

Small Cooler (link)
We don’t camp with a large cooler (the fridge holds everything we need), but if we’re going to be away from camp one day, it’s always nice to have a small cooler available to keep lunch and drinks cold. Again, space is an issue, so buy something that doesn’t take up a ton of extra space.

Crocs (link)
Listen. I know this is the second time that Crocs have come up on my gift ideas. I feel the need to apologize but I won’t because this is who I am now. I mentioned I don’t leave the house in my Crocs ever, but I do need to confess I’m getting some new Crocs for Christmas to keep in the camper. Technically, they won’t leave my house…my house on wheels. I just really like wearing them, and they’re easy to slip on when I’m running in and out. We don’t wear shoes in the camper because it’s hard enough keeping everything clean without muddy shoes inside, but I do plan on wearing these bad boys in there. Again, no apologies.

Marshmallow Roasting Sticks (link)
These portable roasting sticks are great because they extend when you want to make the perfect marshmallow, and then you can store them in the bag when you’re done. Easy to clean and store; my love languages.

Head Lamps (link)
You can never have enough head lamps. At least that’s what Chris Graham says. The girls each have a few in the camper and then Chris has 3-15 packed inside and underneath. You just never really know when you’ll need a headlight on your forehead.

Battery-Powered Lantern (link)
This lantern is perfect for the picnic table at night when you’re playing cards. You don’t want a ton of light, but just enough to see how great your hand is.

Folding Camp Table (link)
I love this folding table. It fits neatly behind our couch and is really easy to set up. We use this to hold all our food for meals so the picnic table that comes with the campsite is left open for eating. I’ve had a few different folding tables and oftentimes they end up warped or uneven. I’ve had this one for two years, and it hasn’t let me down yet.

Bike Rack (link)
We are like a circus train driving down the road. Our large SUV pulling the travel trailer, then the travel trailer with the bike rack on the back. We are a sight to behold. But no regrets, because we travel with our bikes and it makes camping even more fun when you can explore parks on your bike. Harper Graham spends whole weekends biking around campgrounds. We hardly ever see her.

Foldable Hanging Drying Rack (link)
I love this compact drying rack. It holds a lot of stuff, and, if it’s wet outside, it fits in the shower. Perfect for bathing suits or wet clothes when your kids fell in the water again.

Electric Skillet (link)
Sure, cooking over a fire is fun, but if you don’t want to spend all day making food, an electric skillet is the way to go. I make many of our meals in this: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s easy to clean and gets hot fast. I ordered it online and didn’t realize how big it was, but it’s worked out great because we often camp with friends and make a lot of food.

Nalgene Bottle (link)
We keep a set of water bottles in the camper and these hold the perfect amount for a morning hike or an afternoon at the pool. Camping can be rough on water bottles so buy something that will withstand some rough adventures.

DISCLOSURE: Affiliate links used

Gift Ideas: For the Gardener

If you’ve spent any time on my blog or social media, you know I moved to the country about five years ago and accidentally became a gardener.

I say “accidentally,” because I specifically told my family that even though my grandparents were prolific gardeners, I would not be continuing the tradition when I moved into their house.

One summer.

I made it one summer before I started gardening. Now I’ve got four huge beds, freezers overflowing with food for the winter, and a garage and kitchen full of gardening supplies.

That escalated quickly.

Here are my favorite garden or garden-related products. If you know someone who gardens, wants to gardens, or just likes to make their own food, I think there’s something here they’d be excited to receive this holiday season.

(Full disclosure: You need very few things to grow a garden. All it takes to grow your own food is good dirt, some seeds, sun, and water. You don’t have to make this complicated or expensive. But like most things, I eventually did. But that first summer all I had were two boxes rescued from an abandoned rental house and some seeds. It was enough, and I grew lots of good food. So while it’s fun to get garden gadgets, it’s also not necessary. People have been growing their own food since the beginning of time. So take all of these suggestions with that in mind!)

(Another disclosure! Some of these links are affiliate links!)

Rain Gauge (link)
Nothing more exciting for a gardener than some rain. And then after the rain, checking your rain gauge to see how much rain you got. Then telling others about the rain. It’s a process. Get your favorite gardener a rain gauge if they don’t have one. They’ll love it.

Roo Gardening Apron (link)
I got this as a gift last year, and I’m obsessed with it. It holds my shears, ties, harvest, whatever I need. It’s washable and has pockets for everything you’d want while you’re in the garden. When I’m wearing this, you know I mean business.

Crocs (link)
Speaking of business, Crocs are garden business. Listen, I own a few pairs of Crocs. I’m not proud of it, but here I am, 40 years old and living my truth. And my truth is Crocs. I have a pair for gardening (with flowers on them, obviously) and a pair I wear around the house like house shoes. I’m a few years into wearing Crocs, and while I still don’t wear them in public, but I definitely wear them at home all the time. Do what you want with this important information.

Hand Shears (link)
I carry these in my apron when I’m gardening. They’re the perfect size and really strong. I’m always trimming something or tying something, and these are the best ones I’ve ever owned.

Rain Barrel (link)
Gardeners love measuring rain fall, and we also love watering things. I bought this rain barrel about four years ago, and we hooked it up to a downspout near the porch. It catches tons of water, and I use it to water my garden and flowers the whole season. It doesn’t provide a ton of pressure so I’m not sure if would be good to hook a hose to, but I fill a few watering can with it. It works well for saving water.

Homegrown & Handmade by Deborah Niemann (link)
I refer to this book all season long. It helped me learn to compost, how to make the pizza sauce my family loves, and so much more. Truthfully, this book has a lot of information I don’t need (I have no interest in raising livestock!), but the chapters I do use make it worth purchasing. I found this book at the library years ago and fell in love it with. And if someone is interested in making soap or cheese, this book can help!

Watering Can (link)
You can never have enough water jugs. Yes, I’m serious.

Tomato Cages (link)
I spent the first few years gardening with cheaper, flimsy tomato cages. Last winter, I finally invested in some nice ones, and they’re a game changer. This summer—for the very first time—I didn’t have to handle tipping cages or reinforce leaning ones as the fruit got bigger and heavier. These square ones from Gardeners.com are worth every penny.

Garden Arch (DIY link) (arch link)
Okay, so if your gardener grows any vining plant (like squash), they know how messy and out-of-control things can get. After a few years of trying to contain the chaos in beds and around them, I bought plans to make our own arches last spring. The plans are $5, and we made two with about $100. They worked wonderfully, and I loved how they looked as the plants creeped their way over them this summer. I grew butternut squash for the first time this year, and trained them to grow up one of these arches. Not complaining at all, but I had so many heavy butternut squash on the arches that one started to bend. They’re made with PVC pipe (and I spray painted them black) so they don’t break, but one of them definitely leaned a lot. So this year, I’ve asked for one of these more expensive (like shockingly pricey!) garden arches. I’m still going to use my DIY ones next year, but I’m upping my game with one of these fancy ones as well.

Cucumber Trellis (link)
I also tried a cucumber trellis for the first time this summer. It helped manage the cucumber spread, and it was pretty cool to see cucumbers hang from it. It made picking them super easy, too. If your gardener is short on space, this can help keep spread to a minimum. And they can plant stuff under it to maximize space. I planted a row of basil under the trellis this year, and it did really well.

Garden Baskets (sturdy basket link) (plastic colander basket link)
I am passionate about a garden basket. My aunt next door uses old buckets to carry her produce to the house, so this is absolutely not necessary, but I love filling a cute basket with peppers and tomatoes. I have two thrifted baskets almost ready to retire. I leave them outside on the porch, so they get weathered and eventually destroyed because they’re not technically made for outside & dirt. So I’ve been on the hunt for a new basket, but haven’t pulled the trigger yet. The basket I’m going to buy when it’s time is the food-grade wire basket linked above. I love it and found a similar one when we were traveling this fall. I’m also in love with the colander baskets you can bring inside and immediately set in the sink to rinse your veggies. I grow cherry and grape tomatoes by the bucket-full in the summer, and this plastic basket will make cleaning and prepping them a breeze. If Chris Graham is reading this, please buy me both of these for Christmas. Thank you.

Compost Bin (link)
One of the tricks to good dirt is composting. As soon as I started gardening, I invested in a compost bin. From April to October, all our coffee grounds, fruit and veggie scraps, and egg shells get thrown in with yard waste. We mix it every month or so, and then I let it sit for all of November and cook. Around the first of December, we spread all the goodness on the beds and let it sit for months until it’s time to plant again in May. It adds a ton of nutrients to the soil and makes it so rich. I have no doubt this is one of the reasons my gardens do so well year after year. (Tip: Keep this away from your house. The first year I put it next to my porch for convenience, but mice like compost. Whoops. Now ours sits behind our shed at the edge of our property.)

Compost Container for the Kitchen (link; this is not the one I have, but it’s fun!)
Again, do you need this? No. I used a large Folgers coffee canister for years to hold our kitchen scraps that needed to be taken to the compost bin outside. But this year, I bought a cute container to sit next to the coffee maker. I actually bought an ice bucket to hold our scraps. It came with a removable plastic liner, and it’s easy to cleaning. It is the perfect size to keep on the counter and take out every few days.

Food Strainer (link)
I love this strainer for tomato sauce, pizza sauce, etc. Set up is easy and running the food through is fun. You can use this for applesauce and tons of other food (if you make baby food, this would be great to have!), but I use it solely for sauces, and I have no regrets. It works great.

Food Containers for Freezing (link)
I’m just not on board with canning because I’m still scarred from the huge amount of canned goods we have in our garage from my grandma. We’ve been here five years, and we still have SO MANY jars of tomatoes and green beans and peppers on our shelves. And we literally give them away all the time and throw away stuff as it goes bad. Seriously, I’m traumatized by the amount. So I don’t can our produce, I prep and freeze things to last one winter. I’m not preparing for end times; I just want enough salsa and soup and frozen veggies to last until the garden starts producing stuff next summer. It’s a manageable amount to store in our small chest freezer, and it still allows us to give away a lot of what we grow. I use these containers to freeze stuff. I can give them away and not worry about getting them back or reuse them for a few years. They hold up well in the freezer and the dishwasher, but they’re not precious enough they can’t be thrown away if we’re camping when we use the last of something.

Stocking Stuffers for Your Favorite Gardener
gardening string (link)
gardening twist ties (link)
canning funnel (link)
Neem oil (link)
nozzle sprayer attachment (link)

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED

Gift Ideas: Books

I love books. I believe there is no such things as too many books. I think everyone should own and read more books. I love giving books as gifts as a way to shame people into reading more. If you feel the same way, you probably already know what books to give people. But maybe you need more ideas?

Let me help! (Some of these are affiliate links.)

The Next Right Thing Guided Journal by Emily P. Freeman (link) + fancy pens
The Next Right Thing Guided Journal is for anyone who enjoys journaling, has some indecision, or just likes to reflect. I love Emily’s podcast and this journal works well whether or not you’re familiar with it. Add a package of fancy pens to the gift; everyone loves a good pen.

Where Should We Camp Next? by Stephanie & Jeremy Puglisi (link) + favorite road trip snacks
If you have a friend who loves to explore the great outdoors, this book full of places to camp (trailer, tent, or cabin) across the US is a great idea. I used it to plan our Iowa trip, and it’s coming in handy for our 2022 plans as well. Fill a gift bag with your favorite road trip snacks (I prefer Sprees—NOT the chewy ones, gross—and Doritos, but you can pick whatever you want, I guess), and you’re good to go.

Our Time is Now by Stacey Abrams (link) + a donation to their favorite political cause
Abrams does a wonderful job of presenting the long history of voter suppression in the US in this book. Her work in Georgia is ground shifting. If you have a friend who loves social justice issues, this book will be a hit. Make a donation to a favorite cause in their name as well, and you know they’ll love it.

Wait For It by Jenn McKinlay (link) + sunglasses
Okay, so technically there are many fluffy, kinda predictable, romantic fiction books I could put here. Pick your favorite one (there’s a lot more to choose on my book IG account if you need more ideas!) and throw in some sunglasses. Everyone loves a beach read, even if it’s just enjoyed from the couch in the middle of winter.

American Fire: Love, Arson, and Life in a Vanishing Land by Monica Hesse (link) + a water bottle
Anyone who loves true crime will LOVE this book. I was hooked from the first chapter. It feels a little like a really good serial podcast. Add in a fun water bottle, because they’re going to want to stay hydrated as they binge this interesting and heartbreaking book.

The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done by Kendra Adachi (link) + a hat
Gift The Lazy Genius Way to a friend who loves self-help stuff. I’m less and less a fan of self-help, but Adachi isn’t about telling you what to do. She’s more about helping you do whatever it is you find important. This book is full of smart and simple ideas to incorporate into your life. Or don’t! She’s pretty good about telling you if a tip doesn’t work for you, do it differently. Pick out a cute hat to go with this book; I think the most Lazy Genius thing is not washing your hair and wearing a hat all day. (This is a Mary Graham tip, not Kendra Adachi one. I’m sure she’ll add that to her next edition.)

Beautiful Boards: 50 Amazing Snack Boards for Any Occasion by Maegan Brown (link) + a charcuterie board
Full disclosure: This is what my friend got me for my birthday this year, and I loved it so much I think you probably know someone who will too. This book is beautiful to look at, has so many great ideas, and has recipes to help you get more creative with your food boards. It’s really fun. If you have a friend who loves to entertain, this is their gift. Find a fun board to wrap up with this book, then ask to be invited over for taste tests.

Flour Water Salt Yeast by Ken Forkish (link) + food scale
I realize 2020 was the year of homemade bread, but I know there are still people who haven’t made their own bread yet and would love this book. Truthfully, I got this for Christmas in 2019, tried the first bread recipe, and haven’t moved on from it. Because it’s that good. I’m sure the rest of the book is good too, I’ve just not gotten there yet. If you’re gifting this book to someone, I’d pair it with a food scale. Making bread with Forkish requires you to weigh ingredients instead of measuring, so the food scale is necessary.

Try Softer by Aundi Kolber (link) + a cozy blanket
As I stated above, I’m not a big fan of self-help books. So many of them hurt instead of help us, and we end up more overwhelmed and frustrated after them. Try Softer by Aundi Kolber is the opposite of that. Grab a copy of her book and a cozy blanket for a friend; they’ll love the way this book teaches them to be kinder and gentler with themselves. Something we could all use more of.

Broken (in the Best Possible Way) by Jenny Lawson (link) + a fun puzzle
I gave this to a friend who isn’t a big reader, and she loved it. I’m not sure who wouldn’t like Jenny Lawson, really. She’s honest and funny, wise and vulnerable. She doesn’t have it all together and doesn’t really want to. She makes her readers laugh and feel a little less odd at the same time. It might be weird to pair this book with a puzzle, but it’s a metaphor, okay?

Staples+5 by Tanorria Askew (link) & pretty measuring spoons and cups
This cookbook doesn’t come out until Nov. 22, but it will be here in time for Christmas! Staples+5 is all about using ingredients you probably have in the pantry and making delicious meals with them. I don’t care what people say about Pinterest, I will never stop buying cookbooks to fill my kitchen. It’s not the same. There’s just something better about holding a cookbook. I’d pair this with a set of pretty measuring cups or spoons BUT if you’re one of the lucky few who can order Tanorria’s homemade hot chocolate and marshmallows before she sells out, do that instead.

Feast by Firelight by Emma Frisch (link) + a s’more kit
Truthfully, this is just a beautiful book so if you have someone who likes to look at pretty books, this is for them! (Also, no shame in that.) It’s a bonus that it’s full of recipes for camping and the grill. Add in a fun s’mores kit with your favorite dark chocolate and you’ll be the hit of the party.

The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan (link) + eye masks
Really, you can’t go wrong with any Kelly Corrigan book, she’s just an incredible writer. I picked The Middle Place because it feels relevant and real for me: raising my own kids while watching my parents age. These stories are beautiful and wise, a gift to the reader. Throw in a set of those fancy gold under-eye masks, because if the person feels a connection to this book, it’s probably also time for some attention to their face.

Let Me Feed You by Rosie Daykin (link)+ a set of kitchen towels
If you have a friend who loves to bake, Let Me Feed You is a perfect gift for them. There are recipes that don’t involve baking, but I’ve especially loved the baking ones. My girls LOVE the Party Scones (so do I), and the almond blueberry cake is a frequent request for special occasions here. I’d say those two recipes alone are worth the purchase, but—good news—the whole book is amazing. I’d wrap this gift up with a set of fun kitchen towels.

Cozy Minimalist Home: More Style, Less Stuff by Myquillyn Smith (link) + a house plant
I’ve recommended this book before, and I still love it, so here we go again: Cozy Minimalist Home is a collection of tips to help you create the home you love without filling it with more and more stuff. I’m a big fan of less stuff, and this book helps you figure out to keep the things you love and get rid of the other stuff. From a practical sense, less stuff to care for and maintain frees up your life and makes more time for stuff you love—which I’m a big fan of. Give this book with a house plant, preferably something low maintenance and easy like a spider plant or a zz plant, so your friend doesn’t spend too much time caring for it.

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me by Bess Kalb (link) + a photo album
This is one of my favorite books of 2021, but I did bawl through the last few chapters, so proceed accordingly. This book about a woman and her grandmother is a beautiful story about memories, big personalities, and loss. Reading it will make the reader want to run to their older relatives, gather up all their memories and pictures, and write down all their stories. I know photo albums are very 1995, but I think they’re still important, and it feels like the perfect pairing for this bittersweet book.

Effin’ Birds by Aaron Reynolds (link) + a bird feeder
This is a good book for someone who enjoys birds and laughing. Do not buy this book for someone who dislikes a bad word and has no sense of humor—this will not work out for you. This would make a fun coffee table books for people who don’t have children who can read, but enjoy sarcasm and swear words. (Preview his IG account if you’re not sure.) I’d gift this with a fun bird feeder (I put a fun acrylic window one on this list) and maybe a bag of bird seed.

Summer of ’69 by Elin Hilderbrand (link) + a beach towel
This is another fun fiction book for anyone who loves a good story about friends, secrets, and growing up. Hilderbrand is a master storyteller and the twists in this story kept me entertained and engaged. I’d wrap this book up in a beach towel for a friend who’s taking a trip soon.

Okay, that’s it. This might be my favorite list, don’t tell the others. And, really, this could be a lot more books, but time and attention span are limiting me. If you have a favorite book, skip these ideas, and pair it with something related. It’s such a great way to share something you love with others.

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED

Gift Ideas: Under $50

The truth is I’m not a good gift giver. If you just tell me what you want, I will buy it for you! But observing you and knowing what you want? I’m so sorry, I’m gonna miss all the hints and clues. I really like straightforward conversations, please and thank you.

One thing that helps me buy better gifts for others is when strangers on the internet share their gift ideas. Zero percent sarcasm intended in that sentence. If someone else could narrow down all the ideas to ones they know are good, I will listen to them and buy those things.

So that’s what I’m doing here. Maybe that’s helpful for you, too? If not, move along, you naturally good gift giver. We don’t like your kind here. (My friend Jessi is like this. She better not be reading this.)

This is a very random collection of things we love in the Graham house, gifts we’re giving to others, or gifts we’ve received that were a hit. I think you’ll find something for everyone here, that’s how unnecessarily confident I am about this collection. The only rule is everything has to be under $50.

Okay, here we go. (Some of these are affiliate links, FYI.)

Hair Scalp Massager (link)
I bought this after a friend shared it was working for her curly-haired child who wasn’t great at getting his hair clean. I have a child that struggles with this too. Let me tell you, it’s amazing, it feels great on your scalp, and even people who feel like they’re good at getting their heads clean will love it. I’m obsessed with it. Shove this in everyone’s stockings or just buy it for yourself. Trust me.

Flameless Candles (link)
I love these flameless candles, because you can put them on a shelf or table you wouldn’t normally trust a candle on. They look like real candles, the batteries last forever, and if you forget about them, they won’t burn your house down. Always a bonus. I have some in the middle of my kitchen table and early mornings when it’s still dark outside, I love to turn them on as I putter around the kitchen.

Electric Milk Frother (link)
Hey, this is a coffee game-changer. It’s inexpensive and makes everything better. Obviously, you should buy a few for yourself and friends. I’m putting one in my stocking (yes, I buy my own Christmas presents; no, I feel no shame about this) so I can have one in the camper. There were a couple tense weekends in the woods this summer where I didn’t have it with me. (The trick to make it magical: pour the creamer in your cup, warm it up slightly—you want it warm, not hot!—then tilt the cup at an angle and froth. Boom. Heaven.)

Kids Headphones (link)
Do you know a kid who always needs headphones but can never find them or keeps breaking them because you keep buying crappy ones? Hi, it’s me. I bought both girls a pair of these when we were doing virtual learning and they held up to the wear and tear of careless kids, connected to all our devices, and didn’t hurt their ears after an hour of use. If you have a picky kid, you know how important that is.

Bluetooth Shower Speaker (link)
We’re a family who plays podcasts, audiobooks, and music when we shower. Okay, except Chris Graham. Everyone else normally has something playing from a phone or device while we’re getting clean. This shockingly inexpensive bluetooth shower speaker pairs easily with our devices. It’s got a suction cup so you can hang it on the tile in your shower and the volume is great. And when someone in your family tries to remove this from the wall and breaks the back, it still works if you set it on the shower shelf. Noice.

Pacific Pup Dog Ropes (link)
I order these for our dogs about once a year. You can buy dog ropes anywhere, but I love these specifically because they support a nonprofit dog rescue that saves dogs from a high kill dog shelter. Eventually, my dogs will shred these to pieces and the strings will cover my house, but it’s totally worth it.

Facial Ice Roller (link)
The Graham girls love this ice roller. It’s good when you’re hot, when you ate too much sodium the night before, or, because of pre-teen hormones, you cried yourself to sleep last night. It feels good and, possibly just in your head but, it makes your face feel tight and fresh. A great stocking stuffer for teen girls, they love this stuff.

Ditty Bags (link)
Don’t call them man makeup bags, but that’s what they are. The description says it’s great for “your gear.” *eye roll* If you have someone who travels a lot or camps often, this set of three waterproof sacks are a great idea. Chris uses them constantly.

Slim Leather Wallet (link)
Speaking of Chris Graham, he hates carrying a bulky wallet. He really doesn’t have much to fill a wallet, just a few cards, his license, and some cash, so a few years ago, he ditched the traditional wallet and got one of these. It’s the perfect size, comes in a ton of colors, and is really durable. And, this detail isn’t for everyone, but the gap at the bottom is perfect to hold an AA coin.

Bissell SteamShot (link)
Okay, technically I’m getting this for Christmas, but the review are amazing and a friend swears it’s magical. I’m buying it so I can clean inside my windows, in between the screens and glass where they always get dirty and never seem to be that clean even after wiping them out. It also works on tile, grout, and in all those tricky-to-reach spots around sinks and tub. I turned 40 last month, and I’m excited to get a cleaning product for Christmas. This is who I am now. (Word of caution: don’t give this to a significant other unless they ask! It might not go well!)

Electric Blanket (link)
Okay, so if this is still on sale, it fits in the under $50 category. If it’s not, let’s just pretend. If you live anywhere cold, I believe you should have 1-10 electric blankets. On your bed, on your couch, in your WFH office. Fill your house with them, this is the only way to survive the winter. The girls took theirs camping this fall and just when I thought there wasn’t any place cozier to use an electric blanket, we discovered a chilly camper in the middle of the woods is another perfect spot.

Gold Case Turkish Towels (link)
Have you used turkish towels before? I received some from a sponsored campaign three or four years ago and have been hooked ever since. We use them as beach towels, hand towels, bath towels, and kitchen towels. They get better with age and are highly absorbent. Plus, their hand towels are bigger than a normal hand towel, which I love. If you have someone who loves home goods, get them a set of turkish towels. They’ll love you for it.

Immersion Blender (link)
I’m not sure how I went so long without an immersion blender; probably because I thought they were expensive and it never felt like a good time to buy one. About two years ago, I ordered this one from Amazon, and I’ve never regretted it. If you make a lot of soup or sauces, this will change your life. I feel like that’s an exaggeration, but it’s not. My life was just really boring before this blender. This one comes with attachments that make it a blender. The newer version comes with a milk frother too, which mine didn’t come with, so ordering this one would kill two birds with one stone.

Remote Control Cars (link)
About six months into the pandemic, we ended up ordering these Sharper Image remote control cars from Wal-Mart. I tried to talk Ellie out of it, because for $10 I felt like we were just wasting $10 on a car that would either not work or only work for a few days. And here we are a year and a half later with these awesome cars the girls still play with regularly and love. I don’t understand the voodoo exactly, but these cars should probably be way more than ten bucks. Don’t tell anyone that, but do buy them. We took them camping in Iowa this fall, and the girls drove them ] around the campground endlessly. If you follow me on IG, you know that’s true. My girls love these.

Concrete Head Planter (link)
On a girls’ trip this summer, I picked up one of these concrete head planters at a local garden center. Since then, my mom has made countless comments about how she wants one and so I ordered her one for Christmas. (See how just telling me what you want works??) This is the one I ordered, it has arrived, and it’s great. If you’re looking for a small statue planter, this is it.

Good Morning Coffee Mug (link)
My friend Chelsea has this mug, and I love it. I ordered a few for friends; I got the bigger size (15 oz) and they are perfect. Obviously, this is not for everyone, but for those special people, this will be a big hit.

Clear Stackable Storage Containers (link)
I got these for my birthday, and I love them. They’re great for bathroom, kitchen, or office organization. They’re sturdy and perfect for stacking. I organized our medicine cabinet, my beauty stuff, and some pantry odds and ends with the four I got, and I’m going to order more. I know you can find cheaper ones, but these are worth the expense and really well made. If you have someone in your life who loves to organize or wants to but doesn’t know where to start, a set of these would be a good gift.

Magnatiles (link)
Magnatiles are expensive, and it hurts a little to buy them, but my girls are ten years into playing with them, so I feel confident in telling you it’s a good buy. There are lots of knock-off versions, but the original are best. This set would make a great starter gift to build a kid’s collection. My girls are 10 and 12, and they still find a million ways to use them.

Acrylic Window Bird Feeder (link)
How many bird feeders are too many bird feeders? Don’t answer that. It might make me take some down. Anyway, I got one of these for our living room window and while no birds have noticed it yet (WTH, birds??), it makes me so happy it doesn’t even matter. If you have a bird lover in your life, gift them this adorable birdhouse and a bag of birdseed. Guaranteed to make middle aged humans everywhere very excited.

Mildliner Highlighter/Pens (link)
If you have a teenage girl or adult women who loves office supplies, please stop looking for a gift idea and buy these immediately. Your search is done. I’m serious, take a break. This is it: any color, any set. Finished.

Pacifica Wake Up Beautiful (link)
I had this on my list when I started, but talked myself out of it and deleted it. But now it’s back. It’s called a sleepover mask, but I use it as my nighttime moisturizer and it’s just so, so good. It’s the best moisturizer I’ve ever used and that’s saying something. I gave this as my favorite things gift to my friends last year; I’m convinced everyone should have it. Grab it and put it in some stockings. Grab one for yourself too, Santa told me it’s okay.

Wool Socks (link)
My philosophy is you can never have enough warm socks. I plan on never leaving my house this winter and a good pair of socks is crucial to achieve this level of hibernation. I can’t find my favorite sock from Costco, but the ones I’m linking are now on my Christmas list. Who am I kidding, they’re already in my cart. Someone you love will need them as well, trust me.

Prism (link)
Add this to anyone’s stocking or gift exchange; I keep one in my office window and we have one in the living room. The unexpected joy that arises when the sun hits the prism and we have a room full of color is worth way more than the cost of this two pack.

Tie Down Straps (link)
The final suggestion is a great gift for anyone who travels, carries home too much from Lowes, or likes to live on the edge and pick up random furniture off the side of the road. Chris has a set of these, and he’s adding to his collection with these this year.

Okay, that’s it! Whew. I hope you found at least one thing to help you check off your holiday shopping list. And if not, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe just go with God and some gift cards.

Honey Creek State Park, Iowa

We went to Iowa over fall break. Let me go ahead and say, yes, it was a surprising choice, and I can see your face through the screen. It looks very similar to the faces of people I know in real life when I shared this plan.

Anyway, we went to Iowa for a week, and I think you should do it too. Let me explain.

Our goal is to visit all 50 states with our girls before they graduate high school. The rules for this are pretty simple, but we have to spend time in a state before it counts. Driving through a state to get somewhere else does not count as a visit. We have to take time to explore a state before we check it off the list. Do we have to spend a week in a state? Nope. That’s just how it worked out this time.

We spent the beginning of our week at Honey Creek State Park. It was about a seven hour drive from Indy. They have two campgrounds: north campground and south campground. We stayed at the north campground because we needed full hookups, but if you don’t need that, I highly suggest grabbing a spot in the south campground. Many of the spots overlook the lake and have a lot more trees.

The campground doesn’t have a lot of extra stuff, but there are a lot of trails and places to explore. Everything seems to lead to Rathbun Lake so carry water shoes or toys for kids if you’re hiking with them. We spent a lot of time on the shores of the lake even though it was October, and it was chilly. The lake was still busy with people boating and fishing. We spoke to a fellow camper who frequents the park. He said in the summer, it’s hard to get a reservation because it’s so busy. There are plenty of sandy beaches and great picnic areas in the park too, I can see why this would be a popular place in the summer.

We saw deer everywhere—we even had visitors walk through the campgrounds in the evenings. Everywhere we went, we came across deer. The girls loved it. It doesn’t matter that we live in Indiana where we also see deer all the time, or that they often run across the field behind our house. Iowa deer are special, I guess.

About mid-week, we packed up the camper and headed a few miles up the road to Honey Creek Resort. The resort has a small campground; I think there was room for about 14 campers. Everything is full hookup, which you’ll need if camping there because there are no public bathhouses or restrooms. The resort is huge. We were about a 4-minute bike ride from the main hotel. On the way, you pass the golf course and a lot of cute cabins to rent.

It was—just like at the state park—the off-season so we were one of very few guests during the week. You pay a $25 daily activity fee on top of your reservation, and it gets you access to their waterpark, bikes, nature center, golf course, kayaks, standup paddle boards, outdoor games, and more. A lot of it was closed for the season, so we weren’t able to get on the lake. The waterpark is open Thursday through Sunday, so the girls got to play a few days before we headed home. We’re really careful about where we travel and what we do since we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, so it felt weird and wonderful to be the only people at the waterpark one afternoon. We’re also pretty cautious about eating in restaurants with the girls since Harper isn’t vaccinated yet, but we did go to the main hotel for breakfast every morning. Monday through Thursday was a continental breakfast included in our stay. They had a lot more available than the cereal and yogurt advertised on the board at check-in. Friday through Sunday the restaurant serves breakfast ala carte. We had a delicious breakfast Friday morning in an almost-empty dining room.

During our stay, we made a few trips to neighboring towns. We really were in the middle of nowhere. Normally when we camp, we do a few day trips to nearby cities to explore and try new restaurants. That wasn’t really an option here. We spent an afternoon wandering around Centerville’s town square. They had lots of antique and thrift shops I loved, but my children did not. We hiked Lake Wapello State Park one morning, but most of the trail was closed, so we didn’t spend a lot of time there. We spent an afternoon looking for Amish markets and bakeries, because the area around Centerville has a large Amish population. After an afternoon grocery store run, we had a picnic at Sharon Bluffs State Park, but I’d recommend no one ever going there because it was weird.

We did learn that in Iowa, state parks are run by the county. So they varied widely based on how much the county wanted to invest in their local parks. The more we visit state parks outside of Indiana, the more I realize how nice our parks are. We are definitely spoiled.

On the way home, we spend the afternoon in Burlington, Iowa. It’s on the Mississippi River, right before you cross into Illinois. An Instagram follower suggested we eat at Som: Burgers + Beer, and it was a such a great recommendation. The girls loved the free popcorn while we waited for our food, and then every single meal we ordered was amazing. Afterward, we walked around the city for a while. Snake Alley, a Ripley’s Believe It or Not site, is this cool twisty cobblestone street you can walk or drive on. Pulling the camper on it would have been a disaster, but it was fun to watch cars go down it. It wasn’t busy so we took advantage of the lull to run up and down a few times too.

So, yeah, we went to Iowa. I’d say a week might have been a little too long in the fall once a lot of stuff is closed; you could explore the area we stayed at in about 3-4 days, but it was restful and quiet nonetheless. In the summer, a week might not be long enough for all the stuff you can do.

We came home ready to winterize the camper, to settle into the couch after five months of camping adventures, and to welcome the colder weather.

Iowa was state number 30, and we’re already planning our next great adventure.

Returning to the banks

My children have grown up with their hands in water. They are children of streams and creeks and lakes. 

I have hundreds (thousands?) of pictures like these. My two girls crouched on rocks or sand or mud getting as close to the tempting water as possible. 

We will tell them to not get wet—we’re hiking and we don’t have dry shoes and socks for them—and they will say okay.

They promise not to fall in.

They always fall in. 

We always say, “Stay dry, please.”

They always say, “I accidentally fell in.”

This is our nature dance. We try to put a boundary on their learning and playing and exploring. They inch closer and closer to the edge, eventually fall in laughing, and we pretend to be shocked it happened. 

No one is shocked.

No one cares.

There are rocks to collect, sticks to throw, frogs to catch.

There is mud to get stuck in, sandcastles to build, minnows to trap. 

My children have grown up with their hands in water. They are children of ponds and oceans.

I have hundreds (thousands?) of pictures like these. Their backs hunched, the water calling to their toes, their dry pants, their little hands. 

These pictures are their childhood, a constant pose as their bodies and the backgrounds change. 

I am, as most people, more patient as I get older. I am less likely to hurry them from their mud now. I understand better that time is a thief and it is all going too fast.

I am willfully fighting against the clock. Not for my face or my neck or my back, but for my girls’ childhood. I am actively waging war on the world’s desire to make them grow up faster. 

I will stay at the water’s edge with my girls until they tire, until they grow hungry and ask about lunch, until they are too wet and starting to chill, until they can’t feel their legs from squatting. 

My children have grown up with their hands in water and as long as they keep returning to the banks, I will be there too.

A story about sticks

Chris and I have different opinions on sticks.

Our house sits on a few acres in the country. Our trees were planted decades ago by my grandfather, as he turned the farmland he bought in 1970 into a home for his family of seven. We moved here in 2017, a few years after my grandfather died, a few months after my grandmother moved to an assisted living community.

Our house is old and so are the trees.

When a storm comes, when a strong wind comes, or, sometimes, when absolutely nothing comes, our yard will be littered with sticks and branches. Since we moved here, I’ve stopped dreading rain. We no longer have basements in the city that will flood if the storm drains gets too full. Now I have a thirsty garden with tomatoes and peppers and squash. As my grandpa used to say, “There’s no such thing as too much rain.” And, while some people in some places might feel differently, me and my house on the hill agree.

I work from home and use any excuse I can to take breaks from writing. This might sound lazy, but I’m a better writer when I walk away from the words for a bit. Going outside, taking a walk, picking up all the sticks in my yard—that makes the words come back. Moving makes the words become unstuck.

Sticks in the yard thrill me. I wait until I’ve rewritten the same stupid sentence five times, then I head outside to gather branches.

I pick up every little stick I see: small twigs that fit into the palm of my hand, medium-sized sticks good for a dog’s mouth, and large branches I have to drag to the burn pile. I want them all picked up. I want them all gathered into our fire ring.

I leave no stick behind.

This is the opposite of my husband.

He occasionally gets to the yard full of sticks before me. Maybe it’s the weekend, maybe he’s come home from work and I’ve not yet made it outside, maybe I did my laps already yet more sticks appeared. He’ll walk around the yard talking on the phone and grabbing sticks as he strolls.

But he only gets the big ones. He only picks up the large sticks, the ones we shouldn’t run over with the lawn mower, the ones you can see easily from the road or the porch or the swings. He doesn’t bother with the small sticks.

“They’re good for the yard,” he says. “Leave the little ones alone.”

He heard this from my aunt and tries to use it to his advantage. This drives me crazy. I don’t want the little sticks in my yard any more than I want the big sticks. I want all the sticks picked up. I want a yard without sticks.

I know if you ignore enough small sticks, they eventually become big sticks. They become piles in the yard, areas of sticks not broken down enough to help the yard do anything but refuse to grow grass. I know if you make enough excuses, more and more of those little sticks you ignore become medium-sized sticks you ignore too. It’s a slippery slope of ignoring sticks. It starts small and feels inconsequential. But then you realize the next size isn’t that big of a deal either so you leave those in the yard too.

It becomes—over time—a yard full of sticks.

It becomes—over time—easier to just not care about the branches either because it’s too late and we’ve ignored too much and now all the grass is dead.

The little sticks become big sticks if you don’t pick them up.

The little sticks can kill everything if you’re not paying attention.

I’d rather pick up the little sticks. I’d rather do the extra work right now to pick up the small ones so they don’t—one day—overwhelm the yard, and we wonder why we let so many sticks get by. I’ve lived just enough life to know that what we choose to ignore always comes back. Ignoring doesn’t make it go away; ignoring makes it come back bigger next time with more consequences.

A few sticks can become more sticks very quickly.

So I pick up the little sticks and the medium-sized sticks and the big sticks. I pick up the twigs and the branches. I walk around my yard because moving my body makes the words I’m paid to write come back, but it also means less yard work the next time I go to mow.

I always pick up the sticks. I love picking up the sticks. My body doesn’t always love it though; I’m almost forty and sometimes it’s hot outside and I’ve got to dodge the dog poop. But I never regret the work. I’ve never sat down on the porch after a few laps around the yard picking up sticks and regretted my choice.

Picking up the sticks has always been worth it. My current self likes it and my future self thanks me.

So I pick up the sticks.

This is, of course, not a story about sticks.

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