Mary

that’s where I’ve been

Been thinking about you. Hope everything is well.

My friend texted me this week to check-in. I’ve been quiet off and on the internet. She noticed.

I have a handful of similar messages on Instagram, I can see the preview of DMs asking if I’m okay, telling me I’m missed, hoping that I’m well.

I am well. I am tired and maybe a little depressed, but I am well.

Where have I been?

About two months ago I went radio silent in most parts of my life and the short answer is I’ve been putzing. Putzing around the house. Putzing around thrift shops. Putzing around my neighborhood on walks where I stop to inspect flowers and discarded trash on the side of the road.

My oldest daughter, after years of begging for social media, was finally allowed to get BeReal. I’m staunchly anti-social media for teenagers. There’s just too much damning evidence on how it impacts mental health and body image and a million other developing brain parts too precious to influence right now. But also, I understand the feeling of being left out. I understand what it’s like to show up to school when everyone but you has had the same cultural experiences. I grew up without cable TV when it was a thing everyone had. I wasn’t allowed to watch Friends or The Simpsons, and I had my Salt and Peppa CD taken away after my mom walked into my room while I was listening to it.

I survived, even though conservative Christianity tried it darnedest. And by survived, I mean I’ve had lots of therapy, and I left the cult of evangelical Christianity. But still.

Back to BeReal: my daughter got BeReal so I did, too. The gist of BeReal is you can only post at certain times a day, and you have to participate to see your friends’ posts who are also only posting at certain times a day. It’s similar to Instagram but without filters and set up to, hopefully, help you with some boundaries around your time.

I’m horrible at BeReal.

For years, I’ve had all notifications except text messages turned off on my phone. I don’t want the distraction or intrusion most of them bring, so the only time I know I have an email or a mention on Twitter (never calling it X) is to open an app. I like it that way. But BeReal, to work correctly, means you have to have notifications, which I miss constantly. And then when I do see them? I’m doing the same thing I was doing yesterday when I got the notification: driving my kids somewhere, making dinner, sitting in bed reading a book at an extremely early hour.

That’s it. That’s where I’ve been.

A few weeks ago, I was with my dad as he picked up some stuff he bought at an online auction. As I helped him load some shelves into the back of his truck, I had a flashback to my grandpa doing the exact same thing a few decades ago.

I come from a long line of people who love auctions. One of my favorite stories about my grandpa is how one Saturday he was at an auction and fell off a truck while loading something for someone. He got up and continued about his day, just limping slightly. The next day, he went to church—limping—and then after church, he and my grandma went out for dinner. When they pulled up to the restaurant (maybe my aunt was with them?), he casually asked if someone could run inside and see if the restaurant had a wheelchair he could borrow.

Someone said that’s probably not how restaurants work and maybe you should have your leg checked out if it hurts that bad. They ended up at the emergency room where they learned my grandpa had been walking around on a broken hip for the past 30 hours.

He was mostly upset he missed Sunday dinner.

Anyway, my family loves an auction (and food), and we will not be distracted by silly things like broken bones when it comes to a treasure.

I’ve been driving all over eastern Indiana picking up my online auction deals the past few months.

That’s where I’ve been.

In 2019, we had some drywall work done in our house: patching a light switch we’d moved, redoing the ceiling in a room that was wonky, just random things around the house you ignore until there’s enough of them to warrant calling someone to fix them.

One of the patches has sat, unpainted, in our kitchen since then. I would stare at it at least once a week and think about painting it, but I didn’t have any more of the original kitchen paint and to figure out the color and finish and buying more felt like it would kill me, so I left it.

This week I painted the kitchen, finally covering the drywall patch. I decided it was just easier to paint the whole kitchen than figuring out the original color. Then I had to paint the bench because the new wall paint made the bench color look off. Now I’ve started painting the trim because it looks dingy.

Chris recently said, “Can you just leave stuff alone?”

No, no, I cannot.

That’s where I’ve been.

Chris turned 40 a few weeks ago. I had a late-night, very loud dinner with friends last weekend. I’ve been slowly sanding a French door for my office. I took my nervous dog to the groomer, and he shit on the car seat on the way, so I got to clean the car. I’ve made gallons of tomato soup for dinner, for freezing, for sharing. We just shut the pool for the season. I sat on my porch this morning covered in a blanket and sipped hot coffee. I decided we are a family who no longer uses paper plates or napkins because it’s a waste of money and bad for the environment. I’m trying to find a pair of loose-fitting jeans that everyone is wearing right now, but it’s not going well.

I’ve watched tennis, helped my mom move, and done one million loads of laundry. I’ve been reading a lot, putting myself to bed early, and planning our next road trip. Noah Kahan has been playing non-stop in my car, and Fleetwood Mac provides the background music for anything I’m doing in the kitchen. It’s not chilly enough to turn the fireplace on yet, but I’m counting down the days until I can.

I need to order groceries, and last night I fed my family Zaxby’s because making food sounded like the hardest thing I’ve ever been asked to do. Chris is meeting with his sponsor this morning, just like he does every Saturday morning. I’ll take a walk this afternoon. Tonight, I’ll drive some kids to the homecoming dance.

That’s where I’ve been.

humble, quiet, and meek

Last week in Florida, Ellie and I were wandering around a bookstore when a man got really close to me and made a weird comment about my body.

I was immediately uncomfortable with how close he got, how familiar he acted toward me.

As I continued to browse, I watched him wander around the store talking to teenage girls.

Soon, the man went up to three girls. He said he was a photographer, did they play sports? Did they need senior pictures or anything done? Do you want to see my portfolio, he asked.

I froze in place.

I could tell the girls were uncomfortable. But they—like all girls—are taught to be polite to strangers. So they stood and listened, glancing over at one another, as he talked about how good he was at photography and where were the girls going to college and did they want to see his photos.

I stood at the next table trying to figure out how to join the conversation, how to tell the girls it was okay to leave, how to let them know they didn’t need to be meek and accommodating, especially when a grown man made them uncomfortable. And I could tell they were uncomfortable.

Soon, the guy wrapped up his conversation because the girls weren’t really engaging with him. He wasn’t getting what he wanted, so he moved on.

As we left the store, I reminded Ellie she’s not required to be nice to strange men. That she doesn’t have to stay in situations where she feels uncomfortable and just walking away, with no regard for being polite or gentle, is completely acceptable. There’s no reason for grown men to talk to teenage girls in a store with no other adults around. We raise our girls to be kind and say please and thank you, but we also need them to understand not everyone is owed their respect or time. As they say on My Favorite Murder, fuck politeness. Especially when you’re feeling unsafe or creeped out.

I was reminded of this story as I read the news about yesterday’s women’s Iowa v. LSU game. We want women, especially Black women, to be kind and gentle and polite. Society demands it and we echo the expectation in our social media posts and critiques. How dare women be competitive and challenging and not polite on the basketball court. How dare Black women be bold and proud and energetic.

Our misogynistic society has so many expectations for women, and we double those for Black women. Women will never meet the standards society expects of them, and Black women will surely not. Whatever the standard, it will be bent and stretched and changed when Black women get involved. To be accepted here, you must be what we demand. And when you meet that demand, we will change the rules.

Women must be humble and not brag and never direct. They must be meek and quiet and never boast.

Black women must be that and more.

Always more, never enough.

If people are made uncomfortable by a woman, it’s always the woman’s fault. Boldness will not be tolerated. Be good at your job, but don’t acknowledge you’re good at your job. Do not be proud you’re good at your job.

And what’s worse (if this can be worse?) is White woman are normally the first people to line up to pile on the misogyny. Misogyny continues to thrive because White woman uphold it, ensure its place so Black woman can be put in theirs.

We honestly believe if we hold others down, we’ll be lifted higher. We don’t realize that while we drown others, we’re standing in the same deep water gasping for air.

As Ellie and I walked away from that bookstore last week, I kept telling her she doesn’t have to meet society’s expectations of meek and polite while she’s out in public. If the situation warrants it, she gets to be rude and walk away. She doesn’t have to make herself small and uncomfortable for the sake of others.

And the same goes for women who play basketball on national TV.

Book Club Ideas & Lists

I’ve lost count of the number of great things to come out of my time with my friend Jessi at the Front Room Studio, but one of them is my book club.

I started hosting a monthly book club because we had the space, the time, and the desire to talk books with fellow readers. No longer being in a school building meant I wasn’t sharing YA books with students or talking about our current reads at department meetings. For years, I’ve shared book reviews online in one form or another, but I wanted to talk about books with people face-to-face.

Enter: a book club

Eventually, we closed the Front Room Studio, but the book club just moved. We met at the library. We met on Zoom. We met at a local coffee shop. We finally made our way to a nearby Mexican restaurant and that’s where we’ve been for over a year. Chips and salsa and books, what more could you want?

I used to share our book club lists and invite anyone local to join us. I’d post them on my blog and share them on social media. We’ve settled into a constant small group and aren’t looking to grow or add people now, but people have still expressed interest in our lists. As a reader who will never not listen to a book recommendation even if I have shelves of unread books waiting to be read at home, I love to see what other people are reading. I even know of a few people who aren’t local who love to read along with our lists, just because it’s fun.

Maybe that’s you. Or maybe not, go ahead and move along. For those interested, I’m sharing our past and present book club lists here.

A few things before we get into the lists:
– I’ve evolved in my creation of these lists. The first one (2018) was just a random collection of books Jessi and I had on our shelves that we wanted to read. I learned that wasn’t the best way to compile a list.
– I’ve become intentional about including BIPOC authors and worked to include storylines a little less mainstream.
– Because I do this for work, I’m aware of which months are dedicated to celebrating certain people groups (May is Asian American Heritage Month, November is Native American Heritage Month, etc.). I’ve tried to select titles to honor those months when I can.
– Last year (?) I began asking fellow book club members for suggestions as well. It took some of the pressure off me, especially when a book didn’t go over well. Now every November, everyone brings at least one book suggestion for next year. Because we are all book lovers, everyone typically bring 3-5 books, and I’m tasked with narrowing it down. This is a job I love. (People suggest books they haven’t read or ones they’ve read and loved—there’s no rules.)
– In December, we each bring a wrapped book for a little gift exchange, and I share the reading list for the following year. As we sat around the table last month, we decided that 2023 would be a year of romance and mystery fiction. We’ve never declared a theme or goal like that, but 2022 seemed to be filled with heavier non-fiction and we’d like a reset. You’ll see that reflected in the 2023 list.
– I’m sharing our complete lists with no commentary on the books. Some of them we liked. Some of them we did not. Some of them we disagreed on. Some of us (all of us) have skipped a book once or twice. Occasionally you just have to show up to book club for the chips and salsa. Life happens and sometimes a book does not. No one cares, even though we will do a little bit of book shaming to kick off the meeting just for funsies. We don’t all have the same religious or political affiliations, so that leads to interesting and thoughtful conversations. If you’re looking to start a book club, I highly recommend people outside your immediate circle.

Okay, I think that’s it. Please enjoy these book club lists. Steal them and use them for your own club. Pick and choose a few that sound interesting. Read along at home with our current one and tell me what you think when I post the review on Instagram. Do whatever your little heart desires. I just hope you’re reading books, good books that stretch your heart and mind and world.

(I was going to link all of these to my Amazon store, but the amount of work that would take for, maybe, $3 of income is just not worth it. Obviously. You buy them from your favorite bookseller. Good luck.)

2019 Selections
January: Educated by Tara Westover
February: Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
March: Option B by Sheryl Sandberg
April: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
May: The Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll
June: Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist
July: $2 a Day by Kathryn Edin & Luke Shaefer
August: Made You Up by Francesca Zappia
September: Breaking Free by Rachel Jeffs
October: Shopgirl by Steve Martin
November: Shrill by Lindy West
December: Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

2020 Selections
January: Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image by Hillary L. McBride
February: Wilder Girls by Rory Power
March: Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
April: Boy Toy by Barry Lygo
May: Ruthless Gods by Emily A. Duncan
June: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
July: Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson
August: Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson
September: Rabbit by Patricia Williams
October: Summer of ’69 by Elin Hilderbrand
November: Gather the Daughters by Jennie M
December: Anxious People by Frederick Backman

2021 Selections
January: Lake Life by David James
February: Kindred by Octavio Butler
March: The Book of Lost Friends by Lisa Wingate
April: The Lowland by Jhumpa L
May: Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan
June: Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan
July: Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley Ford
August: My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward by Mark L
September: Washington Black by Esi E
October: American Fire by Monica
November: Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
December: The Inexplicable… by Benjamine A

2022 Selections
January: Naked by David Sedaris
February: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
March: How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents by Julia Alvarez
April: Wholehearted Faith by Rachel Held Evans
May: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
June: The Push by Ashley Audrain
July: The Year We Left Home by Jean Thompson
August: What Is a Girl Worth? by Rachel Denhollander
September: Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward
October: The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai
November: Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
December: The Sweetness of Forgetting by Kristin Harmel

And here’s what we’re reading next year.

2023 Selections
January: Start With Hello by Shannan Martin
February: Confessions of an Alleged Good Girl by Joya Goffney
March: We Should Hang Out Sometime by John Sundquist
April: All My Rage by Sabaa Tahir
May: Our Missing Hearts by Celeste Ng
June: The Idea of You by Robinne Lee
July: Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson
August: Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
September: This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
October: The Resting Place by Camilla Sten
November: Fire Keeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley
December: Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson

I’m confident you can find your next good read from this list. If you want my opinion on most of the past selections, you can find them on Instagram: @themarygrahamreads.

Happy reading!

2022 Travel Highlights

2022 was a busy year. Here’s where we went and how we got there.

February
Ellie, my brother, and I took a surprised trip to New York City for Ellie’s 13th birthday. A snowstorm tried to stop us—and it did delay our trip by half a day—but we made it in time for Hamilton on Broadway and a few days exploring the city. (more on that trip here)

March
We took a day trip to Louisville, Kentucky, for my dad’s birthday. We went to a record sale, did some antiquing, ate delicious food, and visited the Louisville Slugger Museum.

For spring break, we spent a week in Destin, Florida. My mom went with us on this trip. We got to introduce her to Buccee’s and lazy days at the beach. It was a little windy and chilly some days, but it beat a week in freezing cold Indiana, obviously.

May
We spent the long Memorial Day weekend camping with friends in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Kentucky. We stayed at the Renfro Valley KOA and while we had lots of traveling mishaps on the way there and back (towing a camper is always an adventure, sigh), it was a good trip after the chaos of the end of school.

June
We took our annual trip to Austin Lake RV Park with Chris’ brother and family. We got to meet our new niece for the first time. We spent 2-3 years trying out different spots to do our yearly trip, but last year we ended up here and decided it’s where we wanted to go back every summer. It’s such a fun place with so much to do, and I love the idea that we return every year together.

We spent a rainy weekend at Turkey Run State Park with friends. I love Turkey Run, but this trip was a wash, literally. We had fun, because camping with RVs means the rain doesn’t really bother you, but we definitely want to try again next summer with the hopes of better weather so we can hike and play outside. We did get one good day on the river, though, so it was still a good trip.

July
[This should be where I write about our annual 4th of July trip to Michigan. It’s my favorite trip of the year. Except this year we got COVID and had to cancel. *insert many sobs here* But don’t worry, I’ll make up for it in a few months.]

I spent a week in Columbus, Ohio for work. That doesn’t seem like a trip I should add to the list because work travel is exhausting in its own special way, but I slept in a king-size bed by myself for a week while other people made all my food and I didn’t have to care for anyone but myself. So it was definitely a vacation.

We ended up back in Louisville, Kentucky, with my dad for a Louisville Bats (minor league baseball) game. This was his Father’s Day gift. All gifts for my dad are baseball related.

September
For Labor Day weekend, we drove to southern Indiana to spend three days camping in Santa Claus, Indiana. We spent a day at Holiday World, did all the Christmas-themed stuff around town, and avoided the rain as much as we could. It was a fun trip, but I don’t feel the need to camp there again. That place is packed FULL of campers, and we like a little more space when camping.

[Fun twist: It was supposed to rain the day we planned to go to Holiday World, but the rain kept getting pushed back, so we ended up going and just bracing for rain. It came about 1.5 hours before close, around the time we were ready to leave. But guess what happens when there’s a threat of rain all day? Holiday World enacts their Worry-Free Weather Guarantee and, if you get rained out, they let you use your tickets for another day for free. An IG follower who works there shared this info with me, so now we get to return next season and use our tickets again. Sweet.]

October
A friend and I flew to Florida and boarded a very big ship for a 7-day cruise to western Caribbean. We visited Honduras and made a few stops in Mexico. It was fun and relaxing, even though I’m still not sold on cruises as a normal way to see the world. [more on that trip here]

Over fall break, we camped at Lieber State Rec Area and had the best time. I had no idea this place would be as great as it was and can’t wait to return.

December
We pulled the girls out of school a week early and drove to northern Michigan for skiing and playing in the snow. We’d been to Boyne Mountain Resort years ago when the girls were small, and it was summer. (details here) It was fun to go back in the winter when they’re older and have a whole different set of adventures and experiences. I wish we had introduced the girls to skiing when they were younger, but we’re not giving up yet. [more details on here]

2022 was an odd travel year. A May trip to Florida with a friend was cancelled the morning I was supposed to fly out because of fog delays at the airport and people we were traveling sick with COVID. Chris and I were supposed to fly to Oregon for a friends’ wedding in August, but had to cancel because it didn’t feel responsible to spend that much money with the rising costs due to inflation. And, of course, we had to cancel Michigan in July.

On the plus side, we got to do lots of traveling (masked the whole time because we don’t want to get sick again AND we don’t want to visit other communities and make them sick). It was not the year we planned, but it was still good. Lots of adventures. Lots of memories. Lots of new places with good friends.

I’m excited for 2023. We’ve got some fun trips planned. And I can’t wait to see what unexpected places we end up as well.

Favorite Books of 2022

I read a little over 120 books this year. I only know this because I like to share reviews on Instagram, and I just went back and counted all of them. Don’t suggest something logical or easy like GoodReads, I’m not going to use it. I have an account I haven’t looked at in years. Sorry not sorry.

I know there are a few books I never posted on IG, because I sometimes forget to take pictures of books before I returned them to the library, but I think 140 is a pretty safe assertion.

I have a hard time telling you what my favorite books are. Do you want the best based on writing style and sentence structure? The best based on my inability to put it down? The best twist? The ones that made me laugh the most? I don’t want to hurt any books’ feelings. I read lots of good books this year. I also read some bad books this year and quit a few because I learned in my 30s I don’t want to waste my time with bad books.

So here’s my list for 2022. I tried to pick a little of everything, but this is like picking a favorite child (my dogs, my favorite children are my dogs…). Apologies to the other books I read this year and loved that did not make the list. I still love you too.

The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai (link)
The Great Believers is a story about a woman growing up in the 80s during the height of the AIDS crisis. Her brother dies of AIDS before the story starts, and we follow her and her friends (his friends, too) through a heartbreaking time of love, loss, and confusion. I loved this story and felt so invested in these boys’ lives. It was beautiful and horrible. I still think about this story months later.

The Golden Couple by Greer Hendrick and Sarah Pekkanen (link)
This one hooked me from the first page. The twists! The unreliable narrator! The mental games! I never knew what was coming next or who to trust, and I loved it. This book is a perfect vacation read, something to keep you up late at night. Don’t read this one if you are short on time, because once you get started it will be hard to stop this fun book.

The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne (link)
This is one of the best books I’ve ever read. The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne is a beautiful and sad story of Cyril Avery, a boy born to an unwed teenage girl in 1940’s Ireland. The way Boyne weaves history and Avery’s journey to know himself is stunning. It took a while to get into this book and to find the rhythm of the story/language, but once I was in, I could not have enjoyed it more. I laughed out loud on multiple occasions and cried hard at the end. I did not want this story to be over.

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer (link)
It took me forever to read Braiding Sweetgrass, but only because it’s so thoughtful and wise that I needed time to digest Wall Kimmerer’s essays. I own the paperback copy and borrowed the audiobook from the library, and it was nice going back and forth between the two.

This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub (link)
I hesitate to explain too much about This Time Tomorrow because if I had known what it was about, I probably wouldn’t have picked it up. It’s got a science fiction element and that genre is not normally my jam. But this book was wonderful and sad and touching. The main character, Alice, has a close relationship with her father and as he lies in a hospital bed dying, she wakes up one morning to relive her 16th birthday. From there, the story goes full-on time travel. Again, I would have quit this one if I had seen that phrase ahead of time, but I’m so glad I didn’t. This is a love story, a story about the love between a parent and a child, and I’m so glad I didn’t miss it.

Counterfeit by Kirstin Chen (link)
Counterfeit by Kirstin Chen is just fun. I started it on a Friday night and spent the next 24 hours consuming this book. I assume they’ll make a movie of it sometime soon, so read it before that happens. I love the schemes, the friendship, the unreliable narrator, the whole thing—if you’re looking for a book to not put down, this is for you.

Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri (link)
I picked Everything Sad is Untrue because of the beautiful writing and storytelling. I’ve not read a book like this before and, while it took me a while to find the rhythm, once I did, I loved Nayeri’s stories, observations, and memories. Being an immigrant child in America is such a disorienting experience and Nayeri encompasses the heartache, confusion, and chaos well.

Did Ye Hear Mammy Died? by Seamas O’Reilly (link)
Please listen to the audiobook version of this book. I don’t think I’ve giggled so much from one book. It’s sad (O’Reilly’s mother dies when he’s young), but he shares his childhood in Ireland as one of 11 children. I wish I could write this clear and cleverly. If you liked the show Derry Girls, this should be your next read…er, listen.

What Happened to You? by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey (link)
First off, I don’t think Oprah really adds anything to this book (she shares she’s never been to therapy and that’s a huge red flag for me), but Perry’s insights, lessons, and stories are profound. I think What Happened to You? is something everyone should read. It is such a kind, merciful way of thinking about relationships, people, and why we do what we do. If you’ve been meaning to read The Body Keeps the Score but have been put off because it’s so heavy and technical, this book is a great replacement.

The Man Who Died Twice by Richard Osman (link)
I didn’t realize The Man Who Died Twice was the second book in the Thursday Murder Club series but I’m sharing this one because it’s the book that made me love this series, the characters, and the writing. Osman’s stories are a mix of Murder She Wrote (old people solving mysteries!) and the Golden Girls (the snappy writing! the attitudes!). After I read this one, I went back and read the first book. It was delightful as well, but I really just loved the second one more. The third book came out this year, and it’s sitting in my queue to be read as I type this. I am ridiculously excited about it. This series is just really fun.

Every Last Secret by A.R. Torre (link)
Rounding out my list with this psychological thriller about a woman whose neighbor is trying to steal her husband. Every Last Secret is full of mind games, manipulation, and twists. It’s the perfect book to read this winter if your goal is to not leave the house for a few days.

Boyne Mountain in December

We just can’t quit Michigan.

We’re supposed to be knocking off more states in our quest to visit all 50, but Michigan keeps calling us back. The week before Christmas we headed north to Boyne City, Michigan, for a week of skiing, playing, shopping, and relaxing.

We began the week by staying at a two-bedroom condo at Mountain Run at Boyne. We had a cozy fireplace and a view of the slopes. At the end of the week, we moved to Boyne Mountain Resort to spend three days at the main lodge.

We had access to the resort from Mountain Run—it was a five minute walk to get there—but staying onsite was nice too. It made it easier for the girls to run down at 5:00 every day for warm cookies and walking to our decadent breakfast every morning was convenient.

We introduced the girls to skiing; one child took to it quickly and loved it, one child did not. We walked the Skybridge twice, once when there wasn’t much snow on the ground and once when it was snowy and beautiful. We spent a day in Petoskey shopping and exploring. I got to spend hours thrifting. We ate a delicious dinner at the Whi-Ski Inn in Boyne City. The girls spent an afternoon at Avalanche Bay going down waterslides and floating the lazy river. We read books and watched movies. We sipped hot chocolate and hot cider around a fire pit as it snowed. We sat in hot tubs and swam in heated pools as the snow fell on our heads. We worked on a puzzle and ordered pizza when we were too tired to move.

It was a magical week. Michigan never disappoints.

Side note with some affiliate links: The girls opened a few Christmas presents before our trip, things we bought for the adventure. They got rolling luggage and Kindle Paperwhites, plus cute winter pajamas for the lodge. I got some new snow pants that I highly recommend buying if you’re in the market for a new pair. I thrifted most of the girls ski stuff, and Ellie’s fuzzy boots got many compliments during the week. I used the packing cubes I bought for Mexico, and I’m still in love with them. I don’t understand what voodoo makes them work, but they are amazing. Also, don’t forget your sunscreen for skiing!

Recipe: Bold Chex Mix

I’ve shared this recipe before, but it’s hidden on a post with other stuff, so I felt it was time to give it its own time to shine.

There are a lot of things I look forward to during the holiday season, and one of those things is this Chex Mix.

Could I make it anytime? Yes.

Do I? Nope.

It’s not fancy, but it’s something we anticipate every holiday season. Here’s how to make my bold Chex Mix.

Ingredients:
– 3 cups each of wheat, rice, and corn Chex cereal (off brand is fine!)
– 8 oz. of butter
– 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
– 2 tablespoons seasoned salt
– 1 teaspoon garlic powder
– 1 teaspoon onion powder
– whatever else you’d like to add: pretzels, nuts, crackers, etc.

Recipe:
1. Preheat oven to 250 degrees.
2. Melt 8 tablespoons of butter.
3. In a large bowl, combine the melted butter with the Worcestershire sauce, seasoned salt, garlic powder, and onion powder. Stir.
4. Pour in the Chex cereal plus whatever additions you have.
5. Stir until the butter mixture coats the cereal well.
6. Pour cereal onto a baking sheet and spread evenly.
7. Bake for 60 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
8. Transfer to parchment paper or newspaper to cool.
9. Once completely cool, store in an airtight container.

You can do this in the microwave, and it saves a lot of time. I used to do it like this, but I think the oven gives it a better flavor. If you want to microwave, do 15-20 minutes in the bowl, stirring every 5 minutes.

As you can tell from the ingredient amounts, this is a garlicky, salty Chex Mix. If you don’t like loud flavors, this will not be the recipe for you. This is like the original recipe from the side of the Chex Mix cereal box, but turned up about 10 times. Make sure you have a glass of water on standby.

I like to include a bag of this with my holiday cookie deliveries. It’s a nice savory balance to sweets. I’d make this for your next holiday party or gathering. Just set it on the table with all the other snacks and see what happens.

Then share this link with everyone because it’s gonna be a hit. I promise.

2022 Partner Gift Guide

Here’s a very specific thing Chris Graham likes to do every day: shop the clearance section of his favorite stores. He rarely buys anything, but if he receives an email about a deal, he will diligently check the links and read all the details on every item.

He is an email marketers worse nightmare: he will click those links, but he’s not going to buy anything.

He also loves to watch movie trailers, even for movies he will never, ever see. It’s a good thing he’s cute, because none of this makes sense to me.

If you’re shopping for a partner who also confuses you most of the time, here’s what I’m suggesting. These are things that make my little weirdo happy.

Disclosure: affiliate links used

Nespresso Machine (link)
You’ll notice this theme as you work your way down, but coffee is Chris Graham’s lifeblood. We have a BUNN coffeemaker (we actually just got a new one after seven years with our old one) that makes our daily coffee, but my husband requires more than just a pot of coffee most days. Enter: the Nespresso machine.

Cotopaxi Pullover (link)
If you see Chris Graham in public this winter, I’d bet money he’s wearing one of these pullovers. He’s got a few and loves them enough to keep buying more even though they’re a little pricey. (Side note if you like to shop for yourself while shopping for others: Cotopaxi has the most amazing hip packs [fanny packs?]. This bag just makes me so happy.)

Apple Music Subscription (link)
I think if I ever cancelled our Apple Music subscription, someone would file for divorce. I’m very serious.

Specialty Chip Variety Pack (link)
For Father’s Day this year, we ordered this sampler pack of chips. If you have someone in your life who loves to try new foods or flavors, this would make a fun stocking stuffer. We paired this with a random variety of unique bottled soda for the perfect afternoon snack.

Death Wish Coffee (link)
This is extreme coffee for extreme coffee people. Be careful.

Matthew Reilly Series (link)
This is a series Chris Graham consumed. If you know a reader who enjoys sci-fi adventure, this would be a good series to gift. Bonus: You don’t have to wait for anymore books to come out—the bane of my existence—because it wrapped this year.

Solar Charger Power Bank (link)
This is for anyone who spends a lot of time outside or away from electricity. Or someone who just likes to be extra prepared at all times.

Waterproof Dry Bag Set (link)
If you spend any time on the water, you need a dry bag set. We use it for canoeing/kayaking, plus the beach or pool. I took the smaller cell phone holder on my cruise in October and it was handy for excursions.

Pocket Flashlight (link)
I don’t care how many flashlights you have, you probably need another one. Chris Graham carries this pocket one at work and, I’m sure, uses it daily.

Pocket Work Light (link)
I just said you can never have enough flashlights, so here’s a cool one that has a magnet on it. You can use it for camping, working on cars, home remodeling…the possibilities are endless. As someone who spent a significant amount of my childhood holding a flashlight up for my dad to see into the engine of a car, this could be life changing for the right person.

Rolling Ball Organizer (link)
Okay, technically, I ordered this and love it, but that’s only because I love organizing and cleaning up messes while my life partner loves chaos and piles. I got this rolling ball cart for our garage and every time I walk out there, it makes me happy. This one holds all the balls you’ve got around the garage, plus it has a few baskets for smaller stuff (tennis balls, jump rope, orange cones, etc.) and hooks on the side.

Armor Car Cleaning Wipe Kit (link)
Do you know someone who loves to clean their car? Or maybe just someone you want to send a very specific message to about how dirty their car is? Car cleaning kits are the way to go. Give these out of the kindness of your heart or to be passive-aggressive, it’s up to you.

Embarrassing Stoner Pullover (link)
I can’t believe I’m telling the world wide web about this, but ’tis the season. For YEARS—probably 10 or more—the love of my life has wanted a knit Mexican-style pullover. If you grew up in the 90s, you know exactly what I’m talking about. They should have stayed there, but they did not. Chris Graham is clean and sober, but in his soul, he’s still a dirty stoner kid. While I was in Mexico this fall, he texted me and asked if I’d pick him up a pullover. He knew I couldn’t say no; I was on a not-cheap trip with a friend for a week while he stayed home. The least I could do was bring him his stoner hoodie. So I did. I picked one up from a street vendor in Costa Maya and lugged it back home. He has not taken it off since. He’s probably wearing this right now as he proofreads this for me before I publish.

East Fork Mug (link)
Following our coffee theme, these mugs are rustic and beautiful. We really don’t need anymore coffee cups, but that’s not your business.

Gerber Mini Pocket Knife (link)
Nothing more of a flex than whipping out your pocket knife anytime someone has an issue. This is the one Chris Graham carries all the time. He also loses it all the time, so good thing they’re inexpensive.

Blackstone Grill Accessories (link)
If you need a gift for someone with a Blackstone, this grill accessory set is fun. In the summer, we try to cook on ours as much as possible. That lid is good for veggies or breakfast stuff. We don’t have a spatula set yet, but that would be a good idea too.

Black Converse Sneakers (link)
I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but Chris Graham likes to wear a pair of shoes until they fall apart. He has to be bullied into buying a new pair. Adding new shoes to the list, if you too, have someone in your life who hates to buy new shoes for themselves but really needs them.

Bucket of Bungee Cords (link)
A bucket of bungee cords? Hell yes. There’s always a need to secure something down and nothing more fun than showing off an extensive bungee collection when the time calls. Total dad stuff.

State Park Pass (link to Indiana SP Pass)
I’ve linked to the Indiana state park pass, but, you know, buy one for your state, not mine. That seems silly to say, but I’ve been on the internet long enough to know that I have to. We’re buying two state park passes this year: one for Chris and our family and one for my dad who is retiring and will have a lot more time for adventures. This would be a good gift for young families too!

2022 Favorite Things

I always laugh when I make these shopping guides because they are so very specific. Do you like to garden while listening to murder podcasts and then at night turn on a lamp while wearing old man pajamas?

Well then, do I have some gift ideas for you.

Disclosure: affiliate links used

Duluth Heirloom Gardening Overalls (link)
Whether you like to work outside or just like to look like you do, these overalls are my favorite weekend outfit. They’re lightweight enough to wear in the summer and you can easily layer a long-sleeve shirt underneath if you need to. I’ve tried some of Duluth’s other overalls, but they felt too bulky. (Or perhaps they’re just made for legit outdoor people and I’m only a novice.) These are one of my favorite purchases of the year.

Turtlenecks (Land’s End or Old Navy)
I’m 41 now and my aesthetic is turtlenecks and overalls. I did not see this coming, but there’s no going back. I like the ones linked above from Land’s End and Old Navy because they have lots of color options (although, I really just like black…), and they come in long. That’s good because no one wants to see a tall person in a crop top turtleneck.

Slow Cooker with Saute Function (link)
It might seem silly to have a slow cooker on my favorites list, but hear me out: a slow cooker with a saute function will change your life. I’m so serious. So many recipes make you cook or brown something before adding it to the Crockpot and for years, I just skipped those recipes because no. I will not be cooking food to put in the slow cooker thats whole purpose is to save me time. But a slow cooker that lets me brown meat or saute veggies IN IT? I know this makes me sound like a 41-year-old mom who wears turtlenecks, but game changer.

Fleece Blanket (link)
My philosophy on blankets is there is no such thing as too many blankets. This is where Chris Graham and I disagree, but if you’ve ever seen my house, you know I am winning this argument. Also, our family still manages to fight over blankets even though we have plenty? Families are weird. When I was a kid, we had this blanket we called the “soft blanket” and everyone knew exactly which blanket it was. It was teal and had satin around the edge. I can feel it right now as I type this. That’s the power of a good blanket—and why I’m buying the one linked above for Christmas. It’s got soft blanket vibes.

The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne (link)
I forgot to add this to the picture before I finished, but it’s my favorite book of the year. Everyone should read it. I still think about this book all the time, and I read it in June. The Heart’s Invisible Furies destroyed me and gave me so much hope at the same time. This book is in my top five books of all time.

Schitt’s Creek mug (link)
I got this mug for Mother’s Day, and I use it all the time. It’s oversized, which I love, and tells everyone about one of my favorite TV shows.

Sun Hat (link)
Speaking of being 41, I wear a sun hat in the pool now. Mostly because I spend a lot of money on my face, and I don’t want to waste all that money. I love this hat because I can wear my hair up without it being weird, and it travels well.

Wooden Spoon Set (link)
First of all, I will not be referring to these as “spurtles” even though that’s, apparently, their name? Absolutely not. Last year, I began replacing all my random kitchen utensils with wooden ones. There are lots of reasons: less plastic in the kitchen, lasts longer, blah blah blah. But also, they’re just really pretty. So I did it for all the reasons, and, a year later, I don’t regret the transition. This is a fun first set if you’re looking to do the same.

Duluth Apron (link)
I do most of my shopping online because I try to never leave my house, but this summer, I ended up at a Duluth store to return some stuff. While there, I grabbed this apron. I LOVE IT. It’s a little untraditional which makes me more likely to wear it, as I’m not a big fan of the aprons that go over your head and tie. I think this one is cute and doesn’t pull on your neck and has great pockets. It’s currently on clearance, so hurry if you think you need one.

Birk Clogs (Amazon link) (Birkenstock link) (Amazon dupe link)
Are Birkenstock clogs hard to find right now? Yes. I’m still suggesting them though, because I bought some for my birthday and I have not stopped wearing them since. I went with the blush pink pictured above which sounds like a risky choice but isn’t. Think of them as a neutral and wear them with everything. I ended up buying mine from a third-party seller on Amazon because the Birkenstock site was out of everything. I’ve linked both of them above, just in case. Also, there are some really good Birk dupes out, so if they’re out of your price range, go that route. Middle school Mary Ritter had the Walmart Birk dupes and to make up for that childhood travesty, I bought myself the real ones now, but you do what you need to. No shame.

Flannel Nightgown (link)
If you follow me on Instagram, you knew this was coming. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, sorry you missed the most embarrassing vintage Land’s End old man nightgown show-and-tell. Just use your imagination. Long story short, 2022 has been the year of pajamas for me. I’ve spent my whole adult life sleeping in old t-shirts and worn out exercise pants, so this year I decided to become a pajama person. It was the next step after turtlenecks and overalls, obviously. I’m mostly into pajama pants because I don’t like my leg skin to touch while I sleep (it’s fine, don’t even worry about it), but I have been testing the nightgown waters. If you want to also, grab the flannel ones above and we can be twinsies.

Vans High Tops (link)
I’m getting bright yellow high top Vans from Santa this year. That’s all you need to know.

Gold Necklaces (link)
I don’t wear much jewelry, but I do like some dainty gold necklaces I can wear around the clock. It makes me feel less schlumpy. My routine with dainty gold necklaces is to buy a set that comes in different lengths and wear 2-3 of them all together until they no longer look gold and then replace them. The set linked above has lasted 6+ months, even with lots of time spent in the pool this summer, wearing them in the shower, and multiple dips in the ocean this fall. These necklaces won’t quit. I wear the two shorter ones all the time and just add the longest one if an outfit calls for it.

Turkish Hand Towels (link)
Turkish towels were on my list last year; I like to use the large ones as bathroom towels and beach towels. They’re quick-drying and soft. So technically, I shouldn’t add them again, but this set is the kitchen towel, which is completely different and necessary. I love to use this size in the kitchen when I need a place to dry dishes and to wipe my hands on while I’m baking/cooking because they’re bigger than normal hand towels. I also like to use them if I’m giving someone a food gift; I wrap the goodies in one of these towels as part of the gift.

Old Navy Joggers (link)
I think these are the perfect joggers. They’re lightweight and super soft. They don’t feel or look like sweatpants, which I like. You could wear these to the gym, to the store, or around the house. I grabbed a few pairs last season and was excited to see them back this year. I ordered every new color so now I have five pairs. If you see me this winter, there’s a good chance I’ll be wearing them. These come in tall, but I like the length of the regular. I want a little ankle to show and like a more fitted look with these.

Hoop Earrings (link)
I just said I don’t wear much jewelry, but here we are going over another item of jewelry. Interesting. I work from home and have to be in Zoom meetings a lot. My trick to looking like I am not wearing loose fitting lounge clothes is earrings. I realize this makes me a geriatric millennial, but I still love a big hoop. Get over it. These are lightweight and fun. I’ve worn them for a year now, and they still make me happy.

Small Desk Lamp (link)
It’s winter, which means it’s officially lamp season. I think one of the keys to a cozy home is a lamp. Lots of lamps, actually. Overhead light feels harsh and sterile, but lamps? Cozy and welcoming. Now that it’s dark at 5:00, I am in full lamp mode. I linked one I got from Target recently, but who cares where you find good lamp. They’re everywhere, go crazy.

Packing Cubes (link)
Don’t skip this one. I know what you’re thinking: no one needs packing cubes, calm down. I thought the same thing, but this summer, I was influenced by Instagram to buy some. I used them for my trip this October and, I kid you not, they’re magical. The amount of stuff I was able to pack, the amount of space I still had in my luggage, and the way things weren’t hard to find when I needed them? Packing cubes are legit. If you know someone who travels or likes to organize stuff, this is a good gift. I know it seems unnecessary, but it’s not, I swear.

Fanny Pack (link)
This didn’t make it onto the collage above, but my ByTavi bag gets so many compliments and questions. You can wear it across your body or as a fanny pack. It’s the perfect size for a night out, traveling, or concerts. I use this all the time and have a 13 year old who steals it whenever she can. (ByTavi is having really good sales right now, but if you need a discount code, use MARY15 to get 15% off.)

Vitamin C Serum (link)
We’re all wearing sunscreen everyday, right? Okay, good. Put this vitamin C serum on before the sunscreen to help combat sun damage. I’ve been using this stuff for a few years and love it. [Side note: I was at the dermatologist a last week and picked up a prescription strength vitamin C that the tech suggested. As soon as I’m done with this bottle, I’m switching to that. I’ll keep you posted on the change.]

AirPods (link)
I think every parent should have a pair of AirPods if they’re able. I listen to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts, but don’t always want my kids hearing them. I can clean the house on the weekends, drive, and a million other things with one AirPod in and still hear/interact with my kids when I need to. They’re a lifesaver.

Winter Gloves (link)
It’s a very adult thing to have nice gloves, but it feels like such a luxury to not wear those cheap cotton ones that say one-size-fits-all but really doesn’t. If you, too, are trying to be an adult right now, buy yourself some adult gloves.

Weekly Meal Planning Sheets (link)
This might not be a good idea to give someone else, but I’m adding it here in case you want them for yourself. After years of printing a sheet off the internet or just randomly writing a list on a piece of printer paper, I ordered myself this pad. It keeps me organized, has a spot where I can make grocery notes if I need to, and has enough space for me to write reminders to my family on it.

Set of Blank Cards (link)
I realize it’s 2022, but I still love sending cards in the mail. Also, we’re a family that still writes thank you notes. I think they’re important and will absolutely judge you if I send you a gift and you don’t acknowledge it. That’s rude. Finally, there’s always a last-minute party or event you need a card for. This set of blank cards has a fun variety that will work for most occasions.

Flameless Candles (link)
Yes, I had flameless candles on a list last year, but these are tapered so it’s different. I’m really loving candle holders and tapered candles right now. Fully embracing my old lady style. I’ll probably light these while wearing a turtleneck.

Cast Iron Braiser (link)
I bought a teal version of this at Costco last year, and it has become my go-to pot for cooking. It’s the perfect size and easy to clean. Plus, it’s pretty.

2023 Leather Planner (link)
This is sold out right now, which is a big bummer because I didn’t order this when I should have, but I’m a paper planner person always and forever and this is what I plan to use for 2023. Don’t actually buy this when it comes in stock until I do though, thanks.

Honduras & Mexico

I would not call myself a cruise person. It’s just not really my style.

But I took a cruise a few weeks ago, and I had such a good time. Maybe it was the company. Maybe it was the lack of parenting responsibilities. Maybe it was the sunshine. Maybe it was the afternoon naps.

Maybe it was all those things combined. Either way, I took a 7-day West Caribbean cruise with my friend Christine, and we had the best time.

I still don’t think I’m a cruise person, but I’m sure I’ll take another one at some point. It can be an efficient, less expensive way to travel to some locations and, once you’re on board, it’s low key and low stress if you want it to be.

Here’s what we did: 7-day Royal Caribbean cruise on the Allure of the Seas. We left out of Port Everglades, and stopped in Roatan, Honduras, Costa Maya, Mexico, and Cozumel, Mexico. We flew into Fort Lauderdale, which is a less-than-ten-minute Uber ride from the port.

Our first port was Roatan, Honduras. We did an excursion to Big French Key and spent the day on the beach. We got to paddle board and kayak there, as well as have a catered lunch. There was a bar, a few shops, and a snorkeling boat trip you could take if you wanted to pay extra. We just stuck to the beach for the day. We booked this excursion through Royal Caribbean. If I could do it over again, I think we’d have booked an excursion for Little French Key instead. That side of the key had a few more things to do and you could swim with pigs. Pigs! We didn’t learn about that until we got back on the boat that night and were talking with our dinner companions. I don’t know if you could book Little French Key through Royal Caribbean or you have to do it separately. (I know the benefit of booking excursions through the cruise line is they’re verified and the boat won’t leave you behind if something happens, but thanks to Youtube and travel bloggers, there are a lot of legit excursions you can book for better prices with a little research.)

Our next port was Costa Maya. We didn’t have any excursions planned for this stop. We got off the boat and walked around the large shopping center right on the coast. There were two pools to swim in there, so technically we could have just stayed all day and been happy. But we ended up wandering outside of the shopping center and finding a place to rent taxis and golf carts. We shared a golf cart with a couple from the ship ($60 for 3 hours) and rode into town. It was about a 10-minute golf cart ride, and then you’re on the white sand beaches with much better shopping and food choices. We shopped, got the most delicious fresh-cut mango, got massages on the beach ($20 for an hour), and explored. There were lots of good excursion choices at this port, but I’m really glad we didn’t plan ahead to do anything. We had the most fun deciding what to do at the last minute.

Our final port was Cozumel. We made reservations through Tortugas Cozumel for a snorkeling by boat and an ATV tour through the jungle trip. It included Jade Caverns, exploring a Mayan cenote, Jeep rides around the island, tequila tasting event, a delicious lunch, open bar, and private beach. I did not want this day to end, it was perfect. I ended the excursion by sitting on a swing at the bar, eating warm tortillas, reading a book, and drinking a margarita. The ship could’ve left me there, and I would not have worried about it.

When we were at sea, the ship was packed with stuff to do: ice skate, see a show, go to a club, watch a movie, shop, zipline, rock climb, visit the spa, and so much more. We saw Mama Mia, listened to a Whitney Houston tribute show, played bingo like little old ladies, had 90 minute massages at the spa, stayed up late at for 80s and 90s night at the club, and ate pizza at 1 AM. I had Starbucks coffee every morning and a three-course dinner every night. I didn’t have to take care of anyone but myself, and I barely did that. I read two books, took some naps which never happens at home, and had someone else make my bed every morning and turn it down every night.

I know I said I’m not a cruise person. I still don’t feel like I’m a cruise person, even as a rave about how great this trip was. It was a fun experience, and I had a great time. It’s not the way I want to spend all my vacations, but taking a cruise once in a while to mix things up isn’t a bad way to see the world.

SHARE OUR SITE