Mary Graham

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end-of-summer yard

We’re sleeping with the windows open now, crisp air coming in through the screens and complaints from my daughters that it’s too cool in the mornings going out.

I thought the outside construction and building and staining would be most loved in the summer. I sat under the new porch and worked while the girls swam and played. I spent mornings underneath the kitchen window, checking the cushions for frogs before I sat down. In the evening, after dinner, I’d find my way back outside while Chris cleaned up dinner.

But fall is here and outside is still my favorite; maybe fall is best for porches.

The new roof we built sits under the girls’ windows. They climbed out that first day it was up, excited to sit as people added roofing paper and shingles around them. In my head, I thought this might be a bad idea in a few years.

I hope they don’t make me regret my new porch.

I’ve started dragging a blanket outside after I wake up. Hot coffee and crickets to greet the morning.

My garden has begun browning, the tomatillos slowly sinking to the ground and tomatoes trying to eek out one last hoorah. I planted a fall garden for the first time ever: snow peas and bush beans. I’m only mildly committed to their growth. My freezers are full; my friends are tired of getting deliveries from me; I could not eat another cucumber if my life depended on it.

We are mostly still staying home and staying away. Chris goes to work. The girls go to school. I go downstairs to my office to write. We haven’t stepped foot in a restaurant since early March. I miss coffee shops for writing and people watching. I miss lunch with friends and stopping for Mexican food on the way home from camping trips.

I have never been more thankful for our camper, for the easy, safe way we can go without coming in contact with others.

We’re still taking the pandemic very serious. I can’t imagine future generations asking me what we did in 2020 and answering that it didn’t really impact our daily lives much. We are mourning and grieving and angry about so many things.

We have hammocks in the backyard for Sunday afternoon naps. We ended up with a pool this summer, and it has saved us many times. I have sun-kissed girls running around the yard barefoot. They are best friends one minute, mortal enemies the next.

It’s dark when I get up now. I tiptoe downstairs each morning even though the dogs stomp down behind me and if anyone was going to wake up, it’s not going to be because of my footsteps. I still tiptoe.

Sometimes Chris has to be at work at 5 AM, but there is still coffee waiting for me when I come into the kitchen. He makes it even though I say he doesn’t have to. I think at the end of my life, if you ask me how I knew Chris Graham loved me, the answer will be: coffee when he didn’t have to.

I drained the pool last weekend. I tried to funnel the water to the line of hostas I planted along the field, begging them to stay green and full just a little bit longer.

Our apple trees–dying since we moved here–have officially given up. In the coming weeks, we’ll cut them down and have apple wood for fires. I don’t know if I need to walk across the street to the cemetery and give my grandpa a heads up that we’re cutting down his apple trees. It feels courteous.

In the spring, my husband built a bird feeder with scrap wood from the garage. He’s lovingly filled it all season, excited to see birds enjoying the condo he designed for them. This isn’t an important story except to say we have a little squirrel friend who also enjoys the bird feeder. He’s very small. I bet he could fit in the palm of my hand. Chris despises him. The squirrel and my husband are at war.

I don’t make the squirrel leave when I see him snacking. I tell him he’s welcome to eat here.

I wonder, at the end of his life, if you ask Chris how he knew I loved him, the answer will be: she didn’t, remember that squirrel?

The fields behind our house had beans this year. I always forget what it’s time for until the crop starts growing. I like corn years better, it makes our backyard feel like a cocoon. But beans are okay, too, I guess. They’re drying out, turning yellow. Soon, the field will be empty, and we’ll see deer on the hills.

Someone asked me this summer if I’m still writing.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I am writing all the time. I am writing and gathering.

This summer, in my head, I’ve written about:
what my compost bin is teaching me
why you shouldn’t watch the news
the prisms we hung in the living room windows
how to get rid of “friends” on facebook you really don’t like
a story about the bees coming to the flowers I planted for them
peoples’ houses I go by each morning on my walk
the best roasted tomatillo salsa recipe in the world
anxiety and anger
what healing feels like
why bookshelves should be filled with books and not decor
‘Somebody Feed Phil’
fallen heroes
a drama about the hummingbirds outside the kitchen door

And that was just last week.

Yes, I’m still writing.

For me, there are seasons for writing and there are seasons for preparing to write. I’ve been preparing to write for a while now.

Maybe I’ll be writing again soon.

Social distancing: week seven (April 26-May 2)

I’m writing this weeks after the fact, but I’m determined to document eight weeks of our stay-at-home life. I promised myself I’d write eight weeks worth of posts so I could look back on this later, and I always finish what I start. It’s a curse.

About five weeks after I set it up, I took down the table we had in my office for the girls to do school work at. They’ve been slowly migrating away from my office into the family room, to the couch, on the floor with the dogs, and the table was just taking up space. So it’s gone and it feels nice.

We’re in a pretty good routine. The girls know how to fill their days, when to focus on school work, and when to run around outside like wild animals.

The weather was better this week (finally) after weeks of being gross so we spent a lot of time outside: getting garden beds ready for planting, cleaning up landscaping, and pulling weeds.

Have I shared the patio plans here? I’m too lazy to go back and read the other posts so this might be a repeat. We have a patio off our family room that we’re building a roof over. It seems simple, just build a roof, but to do it we had to complete a bunch of other projects.

The roof will block all the morning sun from my garden beds so we moved my garden beds out away from the house. Then we built more beds, sectioned off a part, and plan to cover it with river rock.

The roof will block what little natural light we get in the family room so Chris installed canned lighting in the family room a month or two ago.

Now that the garden beds have been moved, the whole area outside the kitchen looks pretty depressing. There’s a small concrete slab off the kitchen doors, but it’s so small I could only ever put one lawn chair on it and then it kinda blocked the door. So then we decided to break up the concrete patio (it was about 6 x 4) and have a much bigger one (22 x 8) installed.

I feel like I shared part of this already because the concrete patio is how Chris threw his back out.

ANYWHO. Long story to tell you they started working on the patio this week. They leveled the area, built the frame, and then moved some huge rocks we had near our driveway. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Also, this is a detour to the patio roof. This step wasn’t ever part of the plan in getting the roof up. Full disclosure: it’s not a cheap detour, but when we’re finished with our backyard, it’s gonna be amazing.

Stay tuned for more exciting concrete stories.

I took Friday off work to borrow my dad’s truck and haul a few loads of river rock to fill in my garden. Chris’ back is still messed up so if I wanted to get this done, I had to do it myself. I wasn’t sore from shoveling rocks for hours, but I should have worn better gloves because the blisters I ended up with are going to stick around for quite some time. But the garden is *almost* ready and I’m thrilled with how it’s coming together.

Late last fall, I inherited about five plants from my mom’s work. They were getting rid of everything for a remodel/update, and she scored me some pretty sweet houseplants. Except I’m pretty sure one of them had gnats living in it…and I finally lost my mind this week because of them. I don’t know which plant it is and I have a feeling they spread so I went full attack and pulled out every single plant in my house on Sunday. EVERY. SINGLE. PLANT.

45+ houseplants from every room of my house got dragged out to the driveway and front sidewalk, cleaned, treated, and aired out. I never ever want to do this again so I was really thorough, took every tip the internet had to offer, and left no piece of soil or pot unturned.

(The good news about writing this weeks later is I can confidently tell you I no longer have a gnat problem. I don’t know exactly what actions worked because I took every tip suggestion and used it, but I’m gnat free and loving life again.)

You know how everyone and their mom started making bread during lockdown? Because I am nothing but defiant and contrary, I stopped making bread. Literally stopped making the bread I love because everyone else was doing it. I think everyone is almost over making bread now, so I’m sure I’ll start back up again soon.

I’m slowly turning our backyard into the place to be. I picked up a rope/tire swing at Sam’s Club when I went grocery shopping. Our pool goes up in a few weeks. As summer approaches, we’re getting more and more camp cancellations so our backyard needs to pick up the slack if the girls will be here all the time.

All my garden starts are itching to be planted. We’re about a week away from safely planting in zone 6, and I can’t wait. There’s so much to do to get dirt and gardens ready before you can actually plant, but it doesn’t match actually putting the seeds or plants in the dirt. Nothing beats that.

Ellie has been very invested in getting her wet hair French braided after her showers. She wakes up with some fancy curly hair and no place to go, but I admire her energy to not completely give up on her appearance like someone else in this house has.

Her math bowl competition happened online this week. She was really disappointed and bummed at how it turned out. I would feel such relief to not have to do some math problems in front of large groups of people but, obviously, we enjoy different things.

We ate a lot of sweets this week: the party scones and the blueberry almond cake from Let Me Feed You are really good. If you haven’t purchases this cookbook yet, I don’t know what to tell you. Just do it.

Things we watched, listened to, or read:
-We watched McMillion$ documentary on Hulu. It’s so weird and funny and odd. I liked it a lot more than Tiger King. Less horror and heartbreak, but still kinda unbelievable.
-We’re still watching the Michael Jordan documentary; still interesting to watch.
-I’m sure there’s more but I didn’t write anything else down and it’s far enough away that I have no idea what I was reading. This is why I shouldn’t procrastinate so much.

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: red beans and rice with chicken sausage
Monday: grilled chicken, zucchini, and couscous
Tuesday: turkey cheeseburger soup (from this cookbook)
Wednesday: Steak-n-Shake takeout (while running errands)
Thursday: one-pan sausage and potatoes (from this cookbook)
Friday: Egg Roll #1 takeout (after returning my dad’s truck)
Saturday: leftovers

DISCLOSURE: affiliate links used

Social distancing: week six (April 19-25)

I don’t know how long I thought self-isolation would go, but it feels crazy to be writing this summary about our sixth week. In January when I was covering the lockdown China was doing, it felt kinda magical. Not being allowed to go anywhere, no reason to leave the house, hunkering down with just my little family.

Flash-forward three months, and it’s a little less magical. I did not see that coming. We’re all getting antsy to go somewhere, but we’re not allowed to and where would we go anyway? Everything feels irresponsible and slightly dangerous. Not for us, but for our community as a whole. I selfishly want to see friends, wander around some stores, and see a movie. But I don’t need to do those things. Seeing social media posts where people are visiting friends, going places with their whole family, and letting everyone know that what they’re doing is fine is helping to show how entitled so many of us are. OOh, you’re allowed to see your friends right now but we should all stay home? Explain that one to me, please.

Entitlement. Entitlement. Entitlement.

We all want to see our friends right now. You’re not special, stop acting like it.

That was a little tangent to tell you we’re still here and still staying home. It is fine, and it is not fine. I had a therapy session Wednesday morning, and I cried for part of it. I think that’s only the second time I’ve cried during this whole global pandemic. I am mostly okay; surviving hard stuff is what I was made for, but spending an hour with someone who only wanted to know how I was doing and feeling was harder than I expected. In lots of ways, I’m the one everyone else leans on and sometimes I forget to check in with myself. I’m glad I still get to see my therapist over the phone. I was going to virtual appointments for a while before the pandemic happened because of my schedule so the consistency of seeing my therapist has been comforting.

The week started off with Chris hurting his back pretty badly. We’re in the beginning stages of a million outdoor projects. A few weeks ago we moved my garden beds to a new spot in the yard. We did this, because we’re covering our family room patio and the new roof was going to block a lot of morning sun from the garden beds. After we moved the beds, the tiny concrete slab off the kitchen looked depressing and lonely. So instead of moving on to the family room patio build, we took a slight detour to break up the kitchen patio and have a new, much larger patio poured.

Which meant on Sunday, to save us a little money, Chris was supposed to break up the old patio.

Except he was about 10 minutes into the project when he tried to pick up a piece of concrete that was way too heavy and pulled something in his back. He could barely walk inside. I had to take his shoes off for him. We got him to the couch and there he stayed.

The mess he started in the backyard needed to be finished and cleaned up so I got to spend Sunday afternoon breaking up a concrete patio and hauling it away. Want a cheap way to relieve some coronavirus stress? Grab a sledgehammer and break up some concrete. It took most of the afternoon for me to break it up, load it into my SUV, take it to my aunt and uncles, drop it along their eroding creek bed, then drive back to do it again.

I thought I’d be sore for a week after that, but I guess the gym workouts (pre-COVID-19) and the sporadic garage workouts (during COVID-19) have been paying off, because I pretty much felt fine. Truthfully, I love feeling sore so I was little let down after the whole episode.

Chris spent the whole week slowly walking from one place to another, going to chiropractor visits, or trying to be helpful but just getting in the way. He worked, slowly, and did a lot of moaning. Then he’d do something dumb he wasn’t supposed to do and be back to lots of pain and discomfort. The only way to heal a back is to rest and he seems hell bent on hurting himself *just* enough every day to never get better. His back injury might be the end of our relationship if he doesn’t just sit himself on the couch and stop doing stuff.

Stay tuned for more announcements about the end of our relationship. I’m sure it will be exciting and involve many more trips to the chiropractor as he keeps doing things he shouldn’t.

Harper was supposed to get her braces off this week. Except, the orthodontist isn’t seeing patients, obviously, so they pushed her appointment back one month. She’s had braces for almost two years, much longer than we originally planned, and the minute she’s finally allowed to get them off, we can’t go to the appointment. Worst timing ever.

The weather this week was perfect. Sunny, warm days we spent outside. Well, the girls did. I mostly spent them at my computer because being an adult is lame, but I took breaks outside as much as possible. Wednesday evening at dinner, I noticed the girls had pink cheeks from the sun. It felt hopeful to see the result of a day spent outside. I’m finding hope and encouragement in new places right now.

My garden! I’ve had people ask for specifics on my garden so I’ll probably do a full post later this week, but I transplanted zucchini and yellow squash seed to bigger cups this week. They were outgrowing their starter containers fast and I still have weeks before I’ll plant them. I probably have more than I need, but we’ll see if they all survive to mid-May when I plant. I’m still prepping boxes for planting too. I weeded this week and put down weed killer/plant food. Sometimes I forget how much goes into the garden before I even plant, but the excuse to be outside and getting my hands dirty is welcome right now.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this at all, and I need to write it down so I don’t forget: The first week of self-isolation involved cleaning the girls’ rooms and moving Harper’s room around so she could have the optimal classroom setting. She LOVES to play school. The first weekend of staying home, she asked us to come into her room for class. Chris, Ellie, and I spent about an hour being bossed and abused by a very strict Harper Graham. Ellie eventually dropped out due to bullying and somehow became the principal of the school. It was a weird transition, but probably for the best.

Since then every Saturday and Sunday, Chris and I have spent 45 minutes in Harper’s classroom. She creates lesson plans, yells at us for talking to each other, and gives us LOTS of work to do. We had to set a time-limit of 45 minutes because she would keep us in there for hours if we let her. She spends time during the week copying worksheets on my printer, grading work from the prior weekend, and writing notes on her whiteboard for us.

This week she started giving us homework. Things are getting out of control. I had to do a math packet AND read two chapters of a book about a classroom hamster before I went to bed Saturday night. Someone else was given homework but LIED when asked if he did it. I’m not naming names, but my classmate definitely did not read two chapters of his assigned book.

We took the cover off the camper on Thursday. I say “we,” but it was mostly me. Chris can’t lift his arms up high enough to be helpful yet. It’s probably warm enough to un-winterize (is that a word?) the camper, but we just took the cover off so we could get to our hammocks. We have a few we take camping and with the nice weather, I wanted to hang them up in the trees for the girls. They were, as expected, a hit. They read and played in them for the rest of the afternoon as well as the rest of the week.

I’m slowly running out of all the stuff I saved up to dole out when things got dire. The hammocks were one of the last things I had on my list. A few days later, I unveiled the 100-count bracelet thread container I bought a while ago. Since then, our house has become overrun with friendship bracelets. (I’ve got a running list of things that are saving us right now; I hope to put a post together soon and share it.)

Before Chris became incapacitated, we had been spending time in very intense NERF wars. I include all of us, but somehow I never had a gun and just ran around the yard trying to steal bullets from Chris and blocking the girls when they were getting attacked.

It started with just NERF guns, but ended with backpacks, helmets, walkie talkies, and belts. I’m sure people who drove by our house that first night thought something was wrong. The dogs, for sure, thought something was wrong. By the end, the only thing that was wrong was how out of breath my husband was.

School for the girls is going fine. Nothing new to report except they have completely ditched the desk and my office for cozy places by the fireplace. I don’t blame them; if I didn’t need two screens to do most of my work, I’d end up there too.

I’m normally at my desk for lunch, and Ellie has taken this opportunity to open a restaurant in my absence. She dons her waitress apron filled with straws, pens, and notebook, seats Harper at the table, providers her with a menu based on what’s available that day, and then serves herself and her sister lunch. It’s pretty fun to witness. Harper gets a bill at the end of each meal and then she pays with fake money. Food is very expensive at Ellie’s restaurant, but she’s consistently luring in customers so she’s doing something right.

At some point, I’ll break down and order more LEGOs for the girls. Not because they need more, but they’re spending so much time playing with them. I feel like a new set will bring them so much joy and excitement. I think I shared this a few weeks ago, but the LEGOs, Magnatile, Shopkins world that has taken over my family room is entertaining them for hours. They also have sets of IKEA trains and tracks that sometimes get added to the mix. There are storylines, rules, and a whole language I’m not privy to, but walking over LEGO creations is a small price to pay for the hours of fun they have.

One afternoon a Shopkins slide showed up on the handrail upstairs. It’s been there for days now, and they use it to shoot animals and supplies downstairs. Until someone loses an eye, I’m sure it will stick around.

They’ve also started decorating Shopkins with hot glue. I can’t even begin to count how many hot glue sticks we’re going through in a day or what exactly they have to glue, but the hot glue gun always seems to be plugged in. This week I found Shopkins with hot glue hats in my freezer.

Things are getting weird.

Things we read, listened to, or watched:
-Chris and I started watching the Michael Jordan series on ESPN. Finding things we both want to watch is a challenge, but watching this show feels like my childhood so I’m just as invested as he is.
-My family is currently obsessed with anything related to Bear Grylls. Our thirst for travel and adventure is so strong right now–I think this is the longest we’ve gone without traveling in years–so we’re living vicariously through Bear and his adventures.
-I finished listening to Open Book by Jessica Simpson. I posted the full review on my book IG account (@themarygrahamreads), but the short version is this book was super interesting. I’m glad I read it. But it’s weird too, not gonna lie.
-The girls spent a lot of their reading time reading books on Epic this week. I’m not sure if it’s free like most things right now (we pay for a subscription), but it’s a good place for kids books especially since the library is probably still closed in your area. Younger readers can choose the read-aloud option and older kids can read novels and graphic novels. There’s a lot of good, high-interest stuff on there and the Graham girls give it two thumbs up. (Edit: It looks like parents can try Epic free for 30 days. Teachers can use it free until the end of June. Ask your kid’s teacher to sign up for a free account then their students can use it free for a few months.)
-I’m running low on audio books right now so I’ve switched my attention back to podcasts. My top three go-to podcasts are: Up First by NPR, My Favorite Murder, Young House Love has a Podcast, and The Big Boo Cast. News podcast every morning as always, MFM when I’m cooking or working outside and wearing headphone (it’s not child-appropriate), and The Big Boo Cast and Young House Love has a Podcast for family-friendly listening. No one in my family wants to listen to it either, but if they happen to be nearby, I don’t rush to turn them off.
-The girls still listen to KidNuz most mornings. If they get up at different times, sometimes it doesn’t happen. But they still love it, and it makes them feel connected to the outside world. They don’t really have access to news other than that; we do our best to limit the things they hear because they don’t need the burden or anxiety it would cause. Between school work, the stories we find okay to share with them, and a morning podcast, that’s enough news for them to handle.

No weekend grocery run this week. Like I shared last week, I’m trying to go three weeks before needing to shop in a grocery store again. We’re starting to run low on fresh fruits and veggies, but I think I found a solution that will keep us out of the stores and help support a local business. I’m doing that next week so I’ll keep you posted.

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: bean burritos with chips and salsa
Monday: hot dogs on the grill
Tuesday: tomato casserole and Brussel sprouts from the Let Me Feed You cookbook
Wednesday: beef stew with dumplings from the Let Me Feed You cookbook
Thursday: leftovers
Friday: leftovers (I refused to make more food until the fridge was cleared out; we had so much food to eat that we had leftovers two nights in a row. It felt like a vacation, to be honest.)
Saturday: lunchmeat sandwiches

Other food-related bits:
-I made a big batch of chicken salad for lunches and ate it every single day this week. I could eat chicken salad with lots of celery and onions constantly and never tire of it. Just top it with a little TJ’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning, and I’ll eat it for every single meal.
-Ellie has been baking a lot. This week she kept us filled with brownies and smoothies.

April 25th marked 41 days of the Grahams staying home. Ellie and Harper have had a few car trips to do porch drop-offs, but otherwise they’ve not left the house in over a month. What a weird, wonderful world we live in.

DISCLOSURE: affiliate links used

so you want to buy a camper

With so many things closed or cancelled, in many ways, it feels like the perfect time to purchase a travel traveler and hit the road. You can camp without coming into contact with people, social distancing is easy in the woods, and hotels don’t seem super safe right now.

I’m not going to disagree with you, I think now is a good time to buy an RV. But I would have agreed with you before the global pandemic too. We have been camping for over a decade, love our camper, and have yet to tire from a weekend in the woods or a week in another state.

Camping is something I don’t think we’ll ever regret doing or investing in. Sound like something you want to do too? Here are some questions I’d ask myself before I even open the internet browser to start looking at what’s available:

How often can you camp? I *know* it looks fun. It is fun! But if you look at your schedule (okay, not right this second, but in general) and hardly ever have a free weekend, buying a camper might not be the best idea for you. It’s a costly purchase to only use a few times a year. It would probably just be better to rent one from a company or an RV-share site. I’m not covering upkeep or maintenance in this post, but unless you just like throwing money away on something you don’t use very often, I’d skip the purchase for now.

But if you’re learning through this pandemic that the slower pace is for you and you want to make some serious schedule/life boundaries, buying a camper might encourage that. We camp a lot, but that also means we say no to a lot of other things. We limit sports commitments, summer camps; sometimes we miss baby showers and friend parties. If we stayed home every weekend we had an invitation or offer, we would never camp. Getting away in your camper involves missing other things. If your schedule or priorities are different, you might not want to buy the RV right now.

What’s my price range? Know what you’re willing to spend before you start looking. You can get a decent, first camper for around $4,000. It’s not going to be pretty or new, but if you just want to camp, it will work. Or you could buy a trailer worth more than my house. Whatever you want to spend, figure out the budget before you begin looking because once you start, it will be reallllly easy to get distracted or think you should spend *just* a little more. We live in the Midwest so keep that in mind when I’m talking money, also. We don’t have access to oceans, but we do have better prices when shopping for a camper.

I’m writing this in the spring, when the weather is turning nice and everyone wants to be outside. Campers are more in demand in the spring so you normally pay a little more right now than if you bought in the fall. Everyone wants a camper in May. But lots of people buy campers, hardly ever use them, and decide as the weather turns cooler that it’s time to get rid of it. You get better deals and more selection if you can purchase in the fall. I know that’s less time for you to use it before it gets too cold, but if you can wait or know you want to make a purchase for next summer, fall camper shopping will be to your benefit.

How much insurance do I want and how much will it cost? You should definitely call your insurance agent and double check everything I’m about to tell you. I haven’t checked your specific insurance policy in a few weeks, so things might have changed since the last time I was rifling through your glove box. But most car insurance policies cover anything you hook up and pull/tow with your insured vehicle. So technically, we had insurance on our camper the minute we hooked it up to our SUV. But that just meant if something flew off while we were driving or it hit something, we’d be covered.

We wanted more insurance than that. Your travel trailer will spend the majority of its time not hooked up to your car. So if you just use the vehicle insurance, it’s uninsured while you’re camping in the woods. Or when it’s sitting in storage. We pay about $400 a year to have full coverage on our camper. That means if a bad storm comes through and rips off the awning, insurance covers it. That means if a window has a leak you didn’t know about and it lets water in all winter, the damage is covered by insurance. We’ve always paid cash for our campers so we didn’t technically need extra insurance for a loan stipulation, but we also felt our investment needed full protection. We blew a tire in Wyoming one summer and it was so jarring that it damaged the kitchen cabinets above it. We’ve lost an awning in high wind in Montana and suffered water damage one winter. Our full coverage insurance has saved our butts many times.

What will plates and registration cost? Every time I go to register and plate a recreational vehicle, I’m shocked. If you buy from a dealer, you’ll pay sales tax, but if you buy from an independent seller, be ready to pay that sales tax to the BMV too. I wasn’t prepared for this expense with our first purchase. I wish I would have included plates and registration in my budget so I didn’t have that unexpected expense.

How will you tow it? We have always bought towable trailers. We don’t want the additional expense and stress of owning a class A, B, or C camper with a motor. Plus, we like the ability to use our vehicle while leaving the camper hooked up at the campground.

We don’t own a truck. We purposefully bought an SUV able to tow 9,000+ lbs. because we knew a travel trailer was in our future. Most SUVs cannot tow that much weight. We basically bought a truck frame on an SUV body (a Nissan Armada). If you’re interested in a pop up, you can tow those easily with most vehicles. The older the camper, the heavier. The campers they make today are ridiculously light. But our budget, especially for our first camper, was pretty small so we knew we’d be buying an older and heavier camper to tow.

We had a generic hitch on our SUV, but it wasn’t made to tow more than a small trailer. We had a travel trailer hitch with sway bar installed on our vehicle so we could pull the camper. I think it cost around $1,000, but it made sure we didn’t tear up our vehicle by pulling something we shouldn’t and the sway bar helped keep the camper stable which helps with driving and gas mileage.

Where will you store your camper? Do you have room in your driveway? Will your HOA allow it? Do you need to pay to have it stored? How much will that cost? Camper storage costs can be ridiculous. We kept our first camper, the one we rehabbed, in our driveway for months. It blocked access to the garage and required my husband to park on the street. Once the season was over, we paid to store it. Soon after, we moved out of the city and had space to store it in our driveway. Make sure you have a place and budget to store your camper, especially if you don’t have space at home.

Where will you shop? For our first camper purchase, we stuck to dealerships. We didn’t know enough about buying a camper and what to look for that we felt it was safer to stick with reputable places that were, hopefully, not going to sell us something uninhabitable. We had a friend who owned a camper give us a list of things to ask or check, and then we had my dad come give it a once over before we signed on dotted line. The more eyes on that first camper purchase, the better. I tend to get excited about something and ignore problem signs because I just want it so bad. Bringing a friend or annoyingly practical father with you can’t hurt.

Buying at a dealership will probably mean you spend a little more than you would if you bought from an independent seller. We were willing to do that to ensure we got something safe and usable, but if you’ve got an experienced friend or are buying from someone you trust, independent seller is the way to go. Once we got the hang of maintaining a travel traveler, we bought our next two from Craigslist or Facebook independent sellers. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

Where will you camp? Obviously, you don’t know the answer to that completely. No one does. But it might be good to check out a few campgrounds you’d like to visit and see what it will cost you. For a quick weekend trip, we spend about $50-$80 for a spot in a state campground. That means an electric site, no sewer or water. We’re also pretty loyal to KOA campgrounds and pay about $100 for a weekend with full hookups. You can find places cheaper than state parks and, if you want to go completely off the grid with no amenities, you can find places to stay for free. Just be aware of what you’d like to do and how much a weekend away will cost. (This means extra gas expenses too; towing a camper eats gas fast.) If you get a camper but can’t afford to go anywhere, it would be a total bummer.

Ready to look at a camper? There are plenty of YouTube videos that walk you through buying a camper and how to do it. I’m not going to do it any better. But as you’re checking out a camper you’re interested in, make sure you:
-look for soft spots in the floor; that signals water damage even if you can’t see it with your eyes
-check windows, skylights, the A/C, etc. for water leaks or places that have been patched; water damage is the kill shot for RVs and something you really don’t want to mess with
-if you see visible rot or mold, run away
-check the exterior for damage; use the ladder or bring your own, you’ll need to climb on top of the RV to see what’s happening up there
-check the tires; campers sit for long periods of time and tires rot out fast when they don’t move. They’re not too expensive to fix, but know before you buy if that needs to happen, it might figure in to your final cost.
-check the plumbing; does the toilet leak? Does the sink drain okay? We bought our first camper without realizing the shower head was missing. When we got it home and hooked it up, that was a nice, messy surprise.
-what’s the dry weight? Can you pull it?

That’s a short list and watching a few YouTube videos ahead of time will give you a good foundation to start looking at campers. I was really scared of buying a camper that ended up having massive damage and wasting our money; having a friend there to help was crucial for us. Also, if you feel something’s off or have a concern, there are more RVs out there. Don’t make concessions because you like something and ignore a major issue that will end up costing you a lot of money in the long term.

We had our first, small camper for two years before we sold it and upgraded. I’m forever thankful we got to learn the ropes on an older camper before moving on to newer ones. It felt like less pressure if we broke something or if we decided camping wasn’t for us.

I hope you made it through that list and still want to camp. I wouldn’t trade anything for the thrill of throwing some clothes and food in the camper on a Friday afternoon and taking off for the weekend. We’ve explored the country in a travel trailer and spent weekends just a few hours from our house. Both of them feel adventurous and special. So whether you’re planning on traveling the country or just heading up state a few miles, the camper life is always a worthwhile adventure in my book.

Social distancing: week five (April 12-18)

Sunday was Easter; our first Easter spent completely at home with just the four of us. The girls woke up to hidden Easter baskets and had Pringles and gummy bears for breakfast in honor of the Lord.

We had brunch, watched church online, dyed eggs, decorated cookies, and hunted for eggs in the yard. It was fun, if not a little weird. The girls got sidewalk chalk in their baskets and decorated the sidewalks and the end of the driveway with messages for passersby.

My brother stopped by the day before to drop off treats for the girls, so they ate cake for brunch dessert. So many interesting food choices on the holidays.

We finished the evening on the couch watching a movie and eating popcorn for dinner. Chris and the girls are working their way through all the Marvel movies so I get to half-watch a lot of superhero stories while I read a book or play on my phone. We FaceTimed their cousin Savannah before bedtime to see what she got in her basket and to say ‘Happy Easter.’

The girls have found a pretty good routine for school. Our district’s schedule is school Tuesday through Thursday. They’re using waiver days for most Mondays and Fridays and a few already-planned days off to finish the year. I’ve been really impressed with how our district handled the sudden changes and the girls’ teachers have been great too. For my job, I spend a lot of time in Facebook chat groups for teachers trying to figure out how to switch to online learning and I know it’s not been easy for many teachers. Lots of school districts have made bad choices, made unreasonable demands, and left teachers and parents in tough spots. I’m really thankful for the school community we have.

The girls’ principal sends out a Tuesday call to kick off the week complete with the pledge of alligance and encouragement. We stand in my office, face the flag in the cemetery, and say the pledge every Tuesday. Routine and familiarity is so important to kids right now, and it feels good to see so many people working hard to make sure kids are well-cared for.

Over spring break, I added a table and work spots in my office for the girls. It’s a good landing spot for all their papers, chargers, etc. but they prefer to do their school work spread out all over the house. They’re pretty self-sufficient so they don’t need to be near me while they work. Harper actually likes to sit on the floor next to the dog. I like to work near the dogs too, so I understand this.

After weeks of getting kicked out of Zoom meetings and hangouts at the 40 minute mark, I finally upgraded my account. They finally got my money. But we needed more than 40 minutes for life group and Thursday morning Bible study. And, let’s be honest, I really wanted the extra background options with the paid version. Hawaii, here I come.

We got our stimulus money on Wednesday. Since we aren’t hurting financially right now, we donated some to our church’s food bank (something we’re also doing every time we get paid) and asked the girls to do research and decide where they wanted to donate part of their money. The only rule was it had to help people in our community. Harper was not interested in this at all. She asked if she could donate it to Wal-Mart and they could give her some stuff in return. I said that was called SHOPPING and not what’s happening here.

Ellie went all in, researching, asking questions, and reading reviews of charities. Harper decided wherever Ellie picked was good enough for her too. Ellie went with the Midwest Food Bank for her funds (and Harper’s). We put the rest in their college savings accounts. I understand the money was meant to help me provide for my kids if I needed help with food or bills, but we don’t so I felt it should be put up for them for later. We’re also using part of our money to hire a few small businesses for some projects.

(The donation idea came about on accident. For Ellie’s birthday in February, I got her a sewing machine. She’s been wanting to learn how to sew and make things for a few years. It wasn’t on her list, but I felt confident it was going to be a hit. It was not. She was kinda bummed about it and asked me to return it. But now that everyone needs masks and is making masks, she really wishes she had kept it. She wants to help but doesn’t know how. There has been a few good cries over sewing machine regret. She looked online to see if she could buy one, but they’re sold out everywhere, of course. Also, I was hesitant to buy one right now, because I don’t know how to sew, neither does she, and I had exactly zero minutes to learn or teach her. After we taught ourselves to sew, we’d have to source materials which is also tough right now. It was going to turn into a giant, frustrating production for a girl who is very hard on herself when she messes up. This was not the time to start learning something new with the pressure she’d put on herself. I made a mental health call even though she didn’t like it. I gently discouraged her from the idea, and she was pretty disappointed about it. So I suggested the money donation as a way to be involved. it immediately made her feel better and helpful. Kids want to help–they see the need and struggle right now-but often don’t have the means or ability to do much. I know what that helplessness feels like. I think I’m going to include her more in the weekly donation we’re making too; maybe ask for her help in deciding where it goes or involving her in the process. I haven’t thought that one out completely yet. But we are supporting a few friends who are making masks as well. I don’t have that skill, but I have the money to keep you going if you want it.)

Thursday night we watched the Disney Sing-Along on ABC. Did you watch it? It was fun, something new to spice up an evening at home. The girls and I sang our hearts out. I’m serious, I woke up the next morning with a scratchy throat from the intense scream-singing I did. The girls found the whole hour enjoyable, giggling and singing along with me. Chris Graham cowered in the corner of the couch with the dogs, all three of them very confused and afraid. We regret nothing.

Friday morning we drove to school to pick up Harper’s classroom belongings. The teachers are cleaning out desks and lockers, and we have a designated time to drive up and get them. We saw Harper’s teacher and one of Ellie’s favorite teachers from the door, and it was oddly emotional. They yelled “we miss you!” as the girls rolled down their window to wave. My girls love school and have such positive school experiences that realizing the things they were giving up right now hit me hard in the school parking lot. It was the first time we’d been back since things got so gloomy in the world and the wave of emotion I felt was unexpected.

It got cold again. DISLIKE. On the bright side, I got to pick all my tulips before a frost and ended up with the prettiest jar to sit on the kitchen table all week.

My garden is slowly making progress. We installed weed barrier, and Chris put down edging this week. Next on the list is spreading rocks and getting the soil ready for planting in May.

I have a compost bin (hidden behind the shed) where all our fruit, veggie, coffee, and egg shells go. I occasionally throw in some ash from the fire pit and lawn clippings. I fill it from March to November, stirring it occasionally, but mostly leaving it alone. Lots of people ask how my garden grows so well, and I think that’s one of the tricks. In November, I spread the compost on, cover the beds in leaves from the yard, and let it sit all winter. The compost and rotting leaves mean magic for spring gardens. I have a few other tricks, but that’s it for now.

Things we read, listened to, or watched:
-I listened to The Upside of Being Down by Jen Gotch. I liked it. I know Jen Gotch isn’t for everyone, but her mental health journey has made a lot of people feel less alone, and I’m a big fan of that.
-Ellie devoured Kingdom Keepers: Disney After Dark by Ridley Pearson. I haven’t read it, but from what I can tell, it’s similar to the Goosebumps series but for older kids and with a Disney spin. Ellie read the book in less than 24 hours. Harper’s reading it now. I’ve got the next books checked out from the library, the girls are spending a lot of time reading during the week and I have 0.00000 complaints about that.
-Chris and I finished watching the Tiger King series. By episode five, when Travis accidentally kills himself, I was done. I’ve been writing a response to Tiger King in my head since we finished it, but the main thing that stood out to me was just how dark it was. Our country’s love and fascination with mental health struggles and the addictions those often bring isn’t funny or entertaining to me. Tiger King is full of ruined lives and hopelessness and it breaks my heart to see how many people just find it thrilling to watch.
-The girls are still doing the LEGO challenge most days. They don’t do it on the weekends so that’s stretching out the 30-day challenge way past 30 days. Occasionally Harper skips it if she’s not feeling “inspired” with the suggestion.
-The girls and Chris are going through the Running Wild with Bear Grylls series on Disney+. They’re picking and choosing the episodes where they know a celebrity guest and really enjoying it. Seeing Brie Larson, the woman who plays Captain Marvel, was a favorite.
-I started a new morning devotion with the girls. Indescribable: 100 Devotions for Kids About God and Science by Louie Giglio. I’m excited to read this with my kids. I struggle a lot with how many Christians believe you can’t believe in science and God at the same time. It’s okay to say God is in control of the world and science helps us understand a little part of that. I’m hopeful this book doesn’t gloss over those connections. I’ll let you know how it goes when we get into it more.

I went to the grocery store on Saturday after two weeks of avoiding it. In the beginning, I was trying to make it to the store once a week but that felt unnecessary. I selfishly wanted the break from my house, but it wasn’t in the best interest of everyone else so I stopped. I wore a mask in public for the very first time. It felt weird and hot, but important. I was shocked and disappointed at the number of people not wearing masks. It’s humbling, for sure, but it’s REALLY IMPORTANT. We know the masks won’t keep us 100% safe, but they will drastically reduce the transmission of our germs to others. I think it’s especially important for young, seemingly-healthy people. We don’t know if we’re carriers because so many of us are asymptomatic. But we could really hurt others by not wearing them. WEAR A MASK when you go in public. I’d get used to it, I don’t think it’s going away any time soo.

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: Easter brunch & movie night with snack food
Monday: pork chops & potatoes
Tuesday: eggs, leftover gravy, and potatoes
Wednesday: taco night
Thursday: chicken and orzo soup (recipe here; everyone loved this)
Friday: make-your-own pizzas & breadsticks
Saturday: leftovers

How are you doing? Tell me what’s keeping you partly sane right now. We need all the help we can get here.

Social distancing: week four (April 5-11)

Good weather all week felt like the greatest gift.

Staying home all the time is okay, but sunshine and warm weather made for walks and playing outside is just so much better.

I mowed our grass for the first time this spring. It felt too early, but it was getting obnoxiously high. I enjoy mowing the grass, but starting too soon means you might be mowing in between snow flurries so I try to hold off as long as possible.

My flowers and plants are growing. Spring is always full of hope and renewal, but especially right now, I like the reminder that even when it feels like the world is falling apart, nature is continuing her rhythm. It’s really grounding and calming to see God’s creation remind us He’s in control, there is nothing new under the sun, and we’re gonna be okay.

Chris got a flat tire on the way home from work on Wednesday. Not that I was *excited* he got a flat tire, but we did get to go rescue him on the side of the road and take the tire to the tire store to be replaced. (He should have a spare in his car, yes. He’s been reminded of that. But he won’t buy one or be prepared for the next flat tire emergency, he’ll just keep putting it off forever. It’s the Chris Graham way. And having good boundaries means I can’t do it for him even though his lack of preparedness will end up hurting me too. Woah, this is a social distancing recap, Mary, not therapy, calm down.)

It was late enough in the evening when we got done with the tire fix that the girls were starving so we went to the Steak-n-Shake drive thru for dinner. It might have been the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted. It was manna from heaven, a most glorious feast.

We didn’t eat out a lot before this, about once a week, twice if we had a busy weekend, but I’m a month into making all the meals for my family and the luxury of having someone WHO IS NOT ME make food made me want to cry. This is where we’re at, people. Maybe I’ll pray for another flat tire so we can do it again. (Just kidding, get a spare tire for your car, Chris Graham.)

The nice weather meant we grilled out for dinner a few nights. Hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken–if I could grill our breakfast I would have.

We’re continuing our Wednesday night life group meetings over Zoom. Sitting outside talking to our friends with bellies full of food I didn’t have to make or clean up made the evening pretty much perfect.

We had some tree stumps in our yard ground. That was an exciting hour when everyone got to stand at the window and watch guys cut down trees and grind the stumps. Seeing another human for any reason is thrilling to us right now. Maybe we’ll even start getting up early on Mondays to cheer the trash men on. Stay tuned for more details about that.

I’ve said it before, but my weeks don’t feel very different. Chris goes to work, and I work all day in my office. In the evenings we eat dinner and do regular things we’d do year round (play outside, laundry, play games, make sure the girls bathe, etc.). The girls are here, and they do school work two hours a day three days a week, but it sorta feels like summer or a school break. They play and eat constantly and make messes. Because Chris and I are still working, we’re not experiencing the extra down time or boredom others might be. It’s a bittersweet experience; I’m thankful for our jobs and their consistency, but I’d also like to spend the afternoon on the couch reading a book or working in the yard.

Our week days still feel like normal weekdays and our weekends are still weekends. We do house projects and church, stay in our pajamas and watch movies. We have more normalcy than most, I think. It’s making the time go fast, but it almost feels like we’re missing something too.

The girls still follow a weekday schedule, and I know that helps them to not be bored or restless. There’s a lot of playing and creating, and they always have something to look forward to. As long as the weather is nice, I can talk them into taking a walk with me. Harper normally rides her bike or scooter, Ellie brings a dog, and we hit the road. I try to be gone an hour, but the girls are not really fans of that.

Things we read, listened to, or watched:
-I listened to the audio version of Heartburn by Nora Ephron; it was just delightful. It’s about a marriage falling apart which sounds like the opposite of delightful, but just trust me. Nora Ephron is such a good writer, I’d read her description on paint drying and probably be entertained.
-We finished watching New Girl this week. If you’re looking for something light hearted, I’d highly recommend it. It felt good to put the girls to bed and laugh at night. Not that our days our laugh-free, but the show is just so funny and a little ridiculous that you can’t help but giggle. Bonus points to New Girl because Chris and I don’t always find the same things funny.
-We started Tiger King. I have some thoughts and they probably aren’t as funny and light as everyone else’s. I know the entertainment factor is high: animals, weird people, drama, etc., but I found it pretty dark. We’ll finish it next week and I’ll share more then, but I’m not loving it like everyone else.
-The girls and I finished Fearless Faith: 100 Devotions for Girls by Melanie Shankle. I’ve ordered a new study to start next week. It’s completely different from this one, but I think they’re going to like it.

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: pizza & breadsticks
Monday: pork sliders and Brussels sprouts
Tuesday: hot dogs and veggies
Wednesday: Steak-n-Shake, from where all blessings flow
Thursday: biscuits and gravy
Friday: teriyaki chicken with cauliflower rice and pot stickers
Saturday: grilled pork chops & roasted potatoes

And finally, my seeds have sprouted! Normally, I buy starts for my garden but this year I upped my farmer game a little bit and planted seeds. This was an experiment only. Seeds are cheap and I figured if this didn’t work, I’d just buy the starts like normal.

TBD if I plant them, but they sprouted this week!

We’ve got into a pretty good rhythm for this weird lockdown situation. Each week I’m sure I won’t have anything to write about, but then I remember that little things are important too. One day we’ll look back on this and it will be a foggy memory. It won’t feel as real as it does now. I don’t want to forget how we felt, what we did, and how we survived this global pandemic.

I hope you’re documenting your weeks in whatever way you feel most comfortable. Even if it feels endless right now, this too shall pass. Stay safe and healthy, friends.

DISCLOSURE: affiliate links used.

Social distancing: week three (March 29- April 4)

All the days are running together, please help.

We’re set with a good routine, but I don’t really have to know the specific date to make life work right now so when I look at the calendar, it often surprises me.

April, hello! Thanks for the sunshine!

That’s the best part of week three, I think. After a few weeks of cold, rainy weather, we got warmer temperatures and sunshine. Spring sunshine always feels special, but right now might top all the other spring suns.

We finished March with a birthday celebration: Harper turned nine on Tuesday. We knew this birthday would be especially rough since there were no parties, no classroom treats, and no traveling. In anticipation, I asked my Instagram followers to send a birthday card to Harper. Nothing fancy, a homemade card on lined paper would be more than fine, and my followers came through.

It was overwhelming, truthfully.

So many people (more than 70!) sent cards, stickers, pictures, bookmarks, puzzles, and more to my girl. She woke up to stacks of cards and packages. It was more than I could have imagined.

I scheduled her day full of FaceTime “meetings”: breakfast with Meme, lunch date with Poppy, cousins called in the afternoon, and friends sent messages. Then in the evening after dinner, we had her party.

About a week before, I had texted friends asking them to make a cake and join us via Zoom to sing and celebrate together. I offered to drop off cake mix and icing if they needed it. Everyone made cakes (so many cakes!), and then at 6:30 we surprised Harper with a Zoom call with all her people. We sang, everyone blew out candles, we showed off cakes, and then we ate together. Eventually, the party turned into a pet parade with guinea pigs, cats, dogs, a lizard, and a snake joined the festivities.

It was such a good evening. Our people showed up big time, and I am so thankful for the people who show up no matter what. Even if they do bring a snake with them, Christine.

This week was full of Zoom calls. After a few weeks of settling into our new life of never leaving the house, we got back to our regularly scheduled events.

The girls started e-learning and spend two hours a day doing work their teachers assign. I’ve decided two hours is all they get to spend on school, we’re not spending more than that on schoolwork a day. Our district is only asking for three days a week (Tuesday-Thursday) so if what they need to do is taking longer, we’re making it up on non-school days. But that has yet to happen. Trying to explain to my over-achieving eleven year old that her teachers are not in charge of our time at home has been challenging (even though her teachers have said the same thing). We made it through the first week without much struggle.

Sunday was another family game night using Jackbox Games.
Tuesday evening I held book club over Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.
Wednesday we had life group and helped some technology-challenged people get set up with video chatting.
Thursday morning Bible study started back up.

My friends and I had our monthly First Thursday gathering, but this time in a parking lot while sitting in our trunks. We stayed six feet away from each other, ate our own snacks, talked about what life was like right now, and stayed until the streetlights came on. It was good to see my girls and hear what’s happening in their lives. Yes, we text, but face-to-face just feels better, especially after the things that have happened since our March dinner.

Last week felt busy. Our evening schedules were full, and I’m still working 40+ hours a week. Chris has one day off during the week with his reduced hours so it’s helpful when he can take over parenting duties when he’s here. I am not complaining that we both have jobs and so much hasn’t changed, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little envious of the people who are home with less to do.

We’ve been finishing up lots of random house projects that needed completed. Chris added trim to the kitchen bookshelves, he moved my garden boxes and built some new ones, he got the lawn mowers ready for the fast-growing green grass. I finally painted the trim in our bathroom, only two years after we did the remodel. I hung up picture frames in our room hoping it would annoy me enough to finally order pictures to put in them. That trick hasn’t worked yet, unfortunately.

We have a giant rainbow drawing in the garage window that says “Have a nice day!” and a tie-dyed bear in the living room window. We don’t have lots of foot traffic by our house, but if anyone happens to drive by looking for rainbows or on a teddy bear hunt, we wanted to be prepared.

Things that helped us this week:
-We spent Sunday and Monday baking cookies and brownies then spend Monday evening driving all over the east and south side to do porch drop-offs. This is a highlight for the girls because there is nothing more fun than trying to sneak up to someone’s porch and leave food when everyone is home. We got caught a few times, but the thrill makes the girls giggle so much. We’re still doing a weekly porch drop-off for friends and family. We do a different set each week and instead of the list getting shorter, we just keep thinking of more people to share with.
-The girls aren’t watching much TV. During the first two weeks, their schedules included an hour of TV each day, but now that school is back, there is no time. The weather is nice, they get an hour to play on their Chromebooks while I make dinner, and that’s been enough. It’s making Saturday morning cartoons and Sunday night movie night more enjoyable too. Having things, even routines, to look forward to each day is really keeping us going right now.
-Disney+ released Onward so we got to watch that this week. That was one the girls were bummed we didn’t get to see before everything closed down so it was a good surprise when it showed up.
-Walkie talkies! I bought walkie talkies for Christmas but when I wrapped everything up, the girls had too many presents. Somehow I got excited and went rogue from our four-gifts theme. So I put them back to use for camping, thinking it would be a fun surprise on our first outing of the year. One day the girls were outside playing some elaborate cops and robbers game outside, and I figured it was the perfect time to bring out the walkie talkies. THEY WERE A HIT. I don’t think I saw them the rest of the afternoon. Seriously, three hours later, they were still out there playing. Way to go, December Mary, your mistake really saved the day in March.
-Have you seen the Harry Potter escape room that everyone has been sharing? I put that on the schedule one afternoon and the girls gave it two thumbs up. J.K. Rowling also created a pretty sweet Wizard World website with fun stuff for Potterheads.

I did my weekly grocery store early Saturday morning. Walmart finally put up barriers, closed an exit, and started being more vigilant about social distancing. It took a lot longer than it should have. I knew the face mask recommendation was coming so I ran by my friend Casey’s house and picked up a mask on my way home. The bad news about being immersed in the news all day for work is that it’s very wearing and mentally exhausting. The good news is I’m aware just a *little* bit sooner than most people about what’s coming next. So I made sure to get enough food and supplies for two weeks during this trip. My goal is to not leave the house for 14 days. Those quick weekly trips need to stop for now, even if I look forward to them. It’s a relief though too. I was starting to get anxious and angry going out and seeing all the people who don’t seem to care about the rules or recommendations or the health of others. It was just getting to be too much for me. (I realize the privilege we have to be able to buy more food and stay away from the stores longer. That feels heavy too. All of this just feels so heavy.)

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: beef tacos
Monday: hamburgers & chicken on the grill
Tuesday: Skyline & noodles
Wednesday: eggs, sausage links, and biscuits
Thursday: frozen pizza
Friday: sub sandwiches
Saturday: grilled chicken, zucchini, and couscous

My tulips and hostas have started emerging from the ground. The tulips have been working their way up for a few weeks now, but this week actually felt like spring. I washed our winter coats and put them away for the season. This normally means there will be snow one more time, but I am in denial of this possibility.

I hope you survived week three! Tell me what you’re doing to stay busy!



DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED

Social distancing: week two (March 22-28)

Week two began with banana bread, porch drop-offs, and an egg trade.

We spent Sunday making banana bread (here’s my favorite recipe) and artisan bread. Sunday evening we dropped the loaves off at friends’ houses.

I got Flour, Water, Salt, Yeast: The Fundamentals of Artisan Bread and Pizza by Ken Forkish for Christmas and declared 2020 the year of making bread. Who knew everyone else would–just a few months later–also declare it. I’m obsessed with making the Saturday break recipe in that book; I’ve shared some of the process on Instagram since I started (the crackling as the bread cools never, ever gets old). The recipe is hard to share though; it’s about four pages long and references all the techniques and tricks you learn in the first four chapters of the book. So I couldn’t really share it, I just said buy the book.

But with all this free weekend time on our hands, Ellie and I made how-to videos and now everyone can make the bread without buying the book. (I still think you should buy the book; it’s a work of art. I didn’t realize I loved stories about bread but I do. I love stories about bread.)

Eggs were hard to come by when I went to the store on Saturday so I traded banana bread and Saturday bread for farm-fresh eggs from my friend Jessica. We planned this before things even got bad, her with her small farm and me with my bread skills, we knew we’d keep each other stocked if things got weird at the store.

Our second week of social distancing was filled with fresh bread and farm eggs. I’ll try to make that sound terrible, but I don’t think it’s possible.

Chris started working 32 hours a week for now. I’m excited to have him home, because I have lots of projects and ideas that will keep him busy. He is probably not as excited as I am though which I did *not* expect.

We have this lovely little list hanging on the fridge full of home projects that need to be wrapped up before the weather turns nice. We spend the colder months doing inside house projects, but the second it turns nice, we go outside and don’t come back in until October. As the days get longer and start to warm up, I get antsy about outdoor projects and camping. But we really need to finish all the stuff we started this winter before we can move on…so Saturday Chris installed canned lights in the family room.

(Side note: Want to ensure a project gets finished? Call an Enneagram Eight. Want to make sure a project never gets finished? Call an Enneagram Nine. Also, welcome to our marriage.)

We live in a tri-level and the family room could technically be called the basement, I guess. It’s always been a dark room, and I’ve struggled to get adequate lighting with just lamps and one overhead fixture. I’ve dreamed of canned lights ever since Chris put them in the kitchen. This summer we’re building a porch over our back patio, and we’ll lose whatever light we had in the family room, so it was necessary to get the lights up before that happened.

I got new lights and they are everything I dreamed they would be. Except for the layer of dust and cobwebs on the top of the brick wall now visible. Bad lighting made me believe that did not exist. Good lighting showed allllll my dirt.

The girls were still on spring break this week, but we got their desks all set up so we can start e-learning on Monday. Here’s a funny story: In February I put up bulletin boards in my office. I was ready to map out the book. The book that I’ve written and rewritten about three times. Every time, things felt off and I knew something was missing. In February, I figured it out. I put up the bulletin boards (bulletin boards make book-mapping official!) and promised I’d have the outline and 20,000 words done by the time summer break started.

Oh, wait, this story isn’t funny.

Now there’s a folding table under the bulletin boards and the bulletins are starting to be filled with kid stuff. My office–my favorite place to be–has become a co-working space with two loud children. (Also, I understand how privileged I am that I have the space and time and ability to work from home and seamlessly transition to having my kids here too. We’ll survive this, but I get to be grouchy about it sometimes too.)

Saturday night was family game night. My brother planned a Zoom call for us, and we spent the evening with our extended family playing games. We used Jackbox Games and spent hours competing and laughing. Seriously, I think we played for over three hours. I highly recommend doing this with friends or strangers or whomever. They have some free games that will work and you can buy packs if you want more options. (You’ll need one person to “host” on a laptop and then all game participants will need a phone or iPad, etc.) It’s a great way to spend time together while also not leaving your house.

We’ve been taking almost-daily walks on our country road and while out, we’ve noticed a ton of trash. Friday afternoon we grabbed a trash bag (we eventually filled it and had to grab a second one) and spent an hour and a half picking up trash along our stretch of road. So. much. trash.

Also, I found $40. A little tip from the earth in thanks for cleaning her up. How nice. (We used the $40 to get our first takeout meal since isolating at home. We ordered pizza and breadsticks from a local restaurant. It was delicious and not having to make a meal for these hooligans for the first time was prettttty amazing.)

My day-to-day life hasn’t changed much, truthfully. My mornings still start with coffee and Jesus, my days are still spent sitting at a computer writing, and my evenings are spent making dinner, cleaning up the house, and figuring out the plan for the next day. Our weekends are slower, and we have less practices and meetings during the week, but sometimes I forget we can’t go anywhere if we wanted to. I go to the store once a week to get fresh produce and some odds-and-ends, but mostly we don’t need things and I avoid the store.

I cleaned out the girls rooms on Saturday while Chris worked on the lights. Winter clothes went in storage and summer clothes came out. Technically, it’s not that warm yet, but I am optimistic. I washed winter coats and put them away. Toys and books went to the ever-expanding donation pile in my office closet. I organized games and toys in the family room cabinets. The girls washed every single piece of play food or kitchen toy we have. They don’t play with them much anymore, and I’ll get rid of them at the end of summer if they aren’t touched by then, but they’re clean and ready to go if they get super bored.

The girls stayed busy by:
-painting rocks
–making erasers
-playing outside on the trampoline with giant bouncy balls
-daily yoga or exercise videos on YouTube
-continuing the daily LEGO challenge
-listening to free audiobooks from Audible
-practicing softball (even though the seasons will probably be cancelled)
-eating a lot of snacks
-FaceTiming friends
-reading articles and doing assignments on Actively Learn

We still follow a schedule for weekdays then it’s a free-for-all on the weekend. I can’t tell you how much this makes the weekends still feel special and the weekdays still feel busy. I don’t want to “feel busy” and things are really, really slow in reality, but keeping a schedule, getting dressed every week day, and having a general idea about how the day will go is getting us through well. Having a goal for the day helps keep me mentally healthy. I don’t tie my worth to productivity, but I know myself well enough that if I don’t do anything all day for many days in a row, I get in a weird funk. I don’t need that right now. So this isn’t just a coronavirus tip, this is a life tip: you feel better when there’s a plan, even just a loose one. Don’t plan every day and don’t plan every moment, but it will keep you from going crazy if you spend all your days at home like I do. (I’m too lazy to upload our daily schedules from this week. Moving on.)

What’s for dinner?
(Full disclosure: The better question might be what’s for lunch? because I have NO IDEA what my kids are eating for lunch. I drink coffee while they eat breakfast, and I make dinner, but the things they consume in between those two meals are completely on their own. Obviously, I do all the shopping so we don’t have tons of junk food or things I’m overly concerned about, but I’m also not paying attention at all to snacks and lunch. God speed, kids, God speed.)
Sunday: eggs, potatoes, and bacon
Monday: chili mac
Tuesday: chef salads
Wednesday: Kung Pao chicken and rice with steamed broccoli
Thursday: hamburgers on the grill
Friday: ordered pizza
Saturday: chicken sausage & pesto with pasta

Bible verse that got me through the week:
The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.
-Psalm 37: 23-24

How are you holding up?

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Social distancing: week one (March 15-21)

If you visit Ellis Island, the St. Louis Arch Museum, or the National Archives, you’ll see them: first-person accounts of unprecedented times in our history.

And now, for this uncharted territory we’re all navigating, is the time we add the Trusty Chucks blog to the history books.

Just kidding.

I’m just going to tell you about our first week of social distancing, it’s not that big of a deal. Calm down. Our week probably looked a lot like yours. There were lots of snacks and whatnot.

You know when a major event happens in your life and then years or decades later, you look back on it and it all feels fuzzy and surreal? I think that’s what going to happen to us. I think we’ll forget what our day-to-day lives looked like when we had no where to go and nothing to do. I think my girls will get older, and this will be just a small blip on their timelines.

I think it’s good to write down what we’re doing, not because it’s special or important, but because it’s our life and one day we’ll forget the details. That’s what my blog has always been for me: trying to remember the details.

My daughters haven’t left the house since Saturday, March 14th. Friday night was full of fun, a school dance for Ellie and a slumber party for Harper. It was a last hurrah before the lockdown.

We did church online for the first time Sunday morning; we sat around the kitchen table with our dogs and hot coffee, singing worship songs and listening to a sermon. We took communion with stale Italian bread from the grocery store and water. (Services at 9:15, 11:00, and 4:30 if you want to join us!)

Chris worked as normal. His job is considered an essential service for safety and infrastructure so he was gone during the week. My workweek got really busy. I write for a digital learning platform, articles and high-interest texts for students and I design lesson plans and curriculum for teachers. (Some day I’ll write about how I tried to turn down this dream job and God didn’t let me.) My company is based in Seattle so I work from home, and I’ve had a front row view to the coronavirus as it ravaged its first city. We’d hold meetings and get emails about the measures the city was taking far before the rest of the country was really paying attention.

Full disclosure: I’ve been writing news stories for the coronavirus and China’s response to it since January. Me, a lowly educational writer in Indianapolis, knew this was coming months ago. Anyone who was paying attention knew this. I’m not here to share opinions about our government’s handling, but we messed up here. And, like so many times, the people who get the brunt of the consequences are those on the fringes. I know–because the Bible tells me so–that God is grieving our actions.

Because I was researching China’s response, how their political system was containing it, and the symptoms of those living in makeshift hospitals, I went shopping early. My friends made fun of me: at Bible study, at dinner, and on text message. I made fun of myself too, but I kept shopping and planning.

I hoped I was wrong and then I just wouldn’t have to shop for a month.

I wasn’t wrong. What a bummer for us.

We cancelled our spring break trip to Florida. Things weren’t completely shut down when we did this, but we knew it was selfish and dangerous to travel. The news was showing Florida beaches overflowing with people, and I didn’t want to be there. I mean, I really wanted to be there, but not like this.

Social media is brimming with small businesses and local businesses having sales, COVID-19 specials, and gift card deals. I have mixed feelings about this. If I have extra money right now, how great would it be if I just gave without expecting things in return? On the surface, it seems generous and kind to support these businesses. You’re giving them money to stay open, but you’re taking something from them too. I wonder if, right now, Christians aren’t called to buy local, but just give local. Give what you have, give what you can and make it hurt a little. This pandemic just upped my job security about 400 degrees. Even if Chris is laid off or his hours are cut, we’re going to be fine. We’ve spent our whole marriage living with less, following a strict budget, and staying below our means. I know the privilege that is, and right now when our favorite Chinese restaurant is suffering, our dog groomer Pam is without her income, and our tattoo artist-friend is out of work, wouldn’t it be great to just support them? Not with more work, but with generous, no-strings-attached giving?

I know this isn’t for everyone and lots of people are hurting and worried right now. But if you’re not, we have to make sure we’re not hoarding resources out of fear. If much has been given, much is expected, friends. Don’t forget that.

How an Enneagram Eight responds to chaos: Everyone stay calm and follow me. On Instagram.

What? Okay, here’s what I’m doing: distracting and encouraging. We all have our roles during a crisis and mine is to make sure we don’t lose anyone. Eights try to alleviate pain when they see it, either big or small. So while some people are sounding alarms, sharing infection rates, and reminding everyone to wash their hands, I’m encouraging people to train their hair to go with less washing, creating a dog parade in Instagram stories, and giving helpful work-from-home outfit tips. All tongue-in-cheek, all meant to distract and bring joy.

My friend Jessica dropped off pickle dip and chips to our friend groups’ doorsteps. I shared it on IG and everyone used cream cheese and pickles from their stockpiles to join the party. We’re going to soothe the world’s ails one dip at a time.

Ellie and Harper were technically on break from school this week so there was no e-learning or school work to be done. But since I work from home and have a ton to do, I knew we’d kill each other if there wasn’t some structure. Every family is different, but ours runs well on a schedule. It’s probably too loose for some people and too rigid for others, but I can tell you the girls did not once complain about being bored during the week. I was at my computer 10 hours a day and their dad was at work, and they managed to keep themselves alive, fed, and entertained.

Things that helped:
-This 30-day LEGO challenge; they’re designing backgrounds and taking a picture each day. Then we’re creating Chatbooks for them as keepsakes. They spend an hour plus on this every day.
-If you’ve been around here for a while, you know my kids don’t watch much TV. (We went TV free in the summer of 2015 and never looked back.) That has come in really handy as we social distance. Allowing them one hour of TV time a day feels like a luxury to them–they can’t believe I’m being so generous–and then they don’t complain when it’s over. I’m pretty anti-TV and electronics, but one hour of TV and one hour of iPad/Chromebook time during this chaos has thrilled my children to no end.
-Getting dressed and ready each day. My girls really want to stay in their pajamas all day. I’m asking them to get dressed and brush their hair and teeth every weekday just like normal. Two reasons: we feel better and do more when we act like it’s a normal day and this helps the weekends still feel special. We go schedule free on the weekends; it’s helping it to still feel like a weekend and retain some magic. (And that’s hard to do when every single day looks the same for them. I highly recommend this, it does break up the monotony.)


I hesitate to share this because it’s not pretty, fancy, or special, but just in case you need some inspiration for a daily schedule, here’s ours from our first week of lockdown. You’ll notice there is still a lot of time that just says go play or go outside. I’m not here to entertain my kids, I just know from being a teacher, most kids thrive when they know what’s happening and what the day will look like. We’re doing an hour of quiet time in their rooms every afternoon. My girls are 8 and 11 so they don’t nap, but they still need some rest time. Or maybe that’s just me, whatever. (You’ll also notice this PDF is not in the right order, it’s messy, and I didn’t write it with the intention of others seeing it; so grace, thanks.)

The weather kinda sucked this week so we didn’t get outside as much as we would have liked. I’m trying to go on a 30+ minute walk with them every day so I don’t sit too long. They’re doing yoga or an exercise video every day and I join them if I can.

Things we read, listened to, or watched:
-New Girl episodes; Chris and I are rewatching the whole series at night after the girls go to bed. We laugh so much, please watch it.
–KidsNuz podcast; we started this in December (?) and listen while the girls eat breakfast. It’s a five-minute news show for kids, there’s a fun quiz at the end, and they love it.
–Up First podcast; I’ve listened to this every morning for a few years now. I don’t watch TV or read much news, but I need to stay informed for my job and this is the right amount of information without feeling hopeless and overwhelmed with the world.
-I finished The Edge of Every Day: Sketches of Schizophrenia by Marin Sardy this week. It’s good but heavy. If you’re struggling at all with mental health right now, maybe skip it for the time being.
–Fearless Faith: 100 Devotions for Girls by Melanie Shankle is the devotion I’m reading to the girls every morning. It’s a good, quick way to read some scripture and encouragement with your kids every day. It looks pretty girly and has “girls” in the title, but I think it could work for boys or girls.
-I’m using Beholding and Becoming by Ruth Chou Simons and Every Moment Holy by Douglas Kaine McKelvey for my morning quiet time. I LOVE Simon’s book. I borrowed it from the library, didn’t get it finished before it was due, and then during a mad dash to the library right before it closed, it was on the shelf again. It was a miracle, it even had the bookmark in the spot I left off. So now the library is closed indefinitely and I get to enjoy it without buying it. But I will buy it eventually, it’s that good. I’m purposefully spending 2020 on focusing on prayer: liturgical prayers, what prayer is, how to pray more often, etc. and Every Moment Holy is a beautiful way to focus each morning.
-I’m listening to the audiobook of The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland right now. I dislike every single character, but I can’t stop it now because I want to know what happens.
-The girls and Chris are watching The World According to Jeff Goldblum on Disney+. It’s interesting and entertaining. They watched a few episodes without him this week, so we had to have a talk about TV etiquette and how you can’t watch a series with someone and then move on without them. This is the kind of homeschooling curriculum I’m here for: how to binge watch TV shows with respect.

I left the house on Saturday, March 21st. Exciting trip to Kroger for groceries for my aunt, Wal-Mart for random things, and Home Depot for supplies for some home improvement projects if we get really bored. Oh, and I bought a new plant. I’ve named it my COVID-19 plant, and it will be a great souvenir for this weird time we’re living in.

What’s for dinner?
Sunday: leftovers
Monday: bean burritos and chips & salsa
Tuesday: grilled chicken, zucchini, and salad
Wednesday: biscuits and gravy
Thursday: frozen pizza
Friday: chili and cornbread
Saturday: lunch meat sandwiches and chips

Bible verse that got me through the week:
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We survived the first week well. I hope you did too.
(Tell me something that helped you make it through it you want. We need all the help we can get.)

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No, not like that.

I am a big supporter of not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing.

I don’t think it looks good to share how great you are when you go downtown and pay attention to homeless people for an hour then post it to social media. I don’t think you look anything but self-righteous telling others about the meal you served or the gift you gave or the way you were able to show off your privilege or power to make someone else thankful you exist.

With that in mind, I’m only telling you the first part of this story so the second part makes sense. I don’t want or need you to think I’m generous or kind, because I am really not.

I am not generous or kind.

We have more money than we need right now. As a result, we got to do a lot of exciting, sneaky things for people we know and don’t know over the holidays. We have been on the receiving end of this type of generosity before; we know the anxiety and stress December can bring. This year was different. We had extra.

Some years you’re on the needy list.
Some years you’re on the “let’s meet some needs” list.

This year we were on the latter.

The thrill of getting to be able to share with others was, by far, the best part of Christmas.

Last week, the girls and I were talking about some of the things we were able to do as we drove to see the new Little Women movie. I was trying to remind them that we have the money to see more movies now, but our extra money isn’t just used to do more stuff and buy more things. I was reminding them (again) that the more we have, the more we have to share. I was saying this for the millionth time and wondering if they ever really heard me.

After the movie, we were sitting at a stoplight leaving the mall. A man was on the corner with his beat-up sign begging for money. I didn’t have any cash, and anyway, I had just preached a really good sermon to my kids about being generous so I didn’t have the energy left to dig around for some loose change.

I was looking at my phone as I waited for the light to change. As it turned green, I hear Harper’s window roll down and see her chubby little hand hold out a Target gift card to the man.

He looks at me.
I look at him.
I look at Harper.
She shrugs.
We drive off.

Harper, that was a $30 gift card from Grandma. Did you know that? I said, slightly panicked.

She started crying.

I didn’t know it was that much, she said through tears. I thought it was $10.

It’s okay! It’s okay! Don’t cry! I said as we pulled into our next stop.

She climbed into my lap and wedged herself between the steering wheel and me. I held her as she sobbed and sobbed.

I want it back, she said when she was able to catch her breath.

That’s not how it works, I explained to her.

She knew exactly how much was on the card. I know she read the $30 note on the envelope before handing it over. She knew what she was doing.

She knew exactly what she was doing.

And she was absolutely fine doing it until I reacted the way I did. Then she got embarrassed and wanted it back. I saw her looking at her sister out of the corner of her eye as she cried. She was worried about what her sister thought about her choice, if Ellie thought she was silly for doing what she did.

I had spent time that afternoon encouraging my kids to be generous and then when one of them does what I ask, I make her doubt her generosity.

Here’s what I was thinking as we drove away from the stoplight: She just gave someone over half her Christmas money. Oh, no. She didn’t need to do that. She doesn’t have that much money to begin with. She’s eight! $30 is a lot of money. Heck, I’m 38 and $30 is a lot of money. She should have asked me. I could have found some change. Thirty dollars! That’s a lot of money! Why did she do that??

What my eight year old was thinking as she pulled her brand new $30 gift card out of her very empty wallet: That man says he needs money. I have some money. Let me give him what I have.

I have so much to learn.



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