Mary Graham

Trusty Chucks Blog

Gift Ideas: Under $50

The truth is I’m not a good gift giver. If you just tell me what you want, I will buy it for you! But observing you and knowing what you want? I’m so sorry, I’m gonna miss all the hints and clues. I really like straightforward conversations, please and thank you.

One thing that helps me buy better gifts for others is when strangers on the internet share their gift ideas. Zero percent sarcasm intended in that sentence. If someone else could narrow down all the ideas to ones they know are good, I will listen to them and buy those things.

So that’s what I’m doing here. Maybe that’s helpful for you, too? If not, move along, you naturally good gift giver. We don’t like your kind here. (My friend Jessi is like this. She better not be reading this.)

This is a very random collection of things we love in the Graham house, gifts we’re giving to others, or gifts we’ve received that were a hit. I think you’ll find something for everyone here, that’s how unnecessarily confident I am about this collection. The only rule is everything has to be under $50.

Okay, here we go. (Some of these are affiliate links, FYI.)

Hair Scalp Massager (link)
I bought this after a friend shared it was working for her curly-haired child who wasn’t great at getting his hair clean. I have a child that struggles with this too. Let me tell you, it’s amazing, it feels great on your scalp, and even people who feel like they’re good at getting their heads clean will love it. I’m obsessed with it. Shove this in everyone’s stockings or just buy it for yourself. Trust me.

Flameless Candles (link)
I love these flameless candles, because you can put them on a shelf or table you wouldn’t normally trust a candle on. They look like real candles, the batteries last forever, and if you forget about them, they won’t burn your house down. Always a bonus. I have some in the middle of my kitchen table and early mornings when it’s still dark outside, I love to turn them on as I putter around the kitchen.

Electric Milk Frother (link)
Hey, this is a coffee game-changer. It’s inexpensive and makes everything better. Obviously, you should buy a few for yourself and friends. I’m putting one in my stocking (yes, I buy my own Christmas presents; no, I feel no shame about this) so I can have one in the camper. There were a couple tense weekends in the woods this summer where I didn’t have it with me. (The trick to make it magical: pour the creamer in your cup, warm it up slightly—you want it warm, not hot!—then tilt the cup at an angle and froth. Boom. Heaven.)

Kids Headphones (link)
Do you know a kid who always needs headphones but can never find them or keeps breaking them because you keep buying crappy ones? Hi, it’s me. I bought both girls a pair of these when we were doing virtual learning and they held up to the wear and tear of careless kids, connected to all our devices, and didn’t hurt their ears after an hour of use. If you have a picky kid, you know how important that is.

Bluetooth Shower Speaker (link)
We’re a family who plays podcasts, audiobooks, and music when we shower. Okay, except Chris Graham. Everyone else normally has something playing from a phone or device while we’re getting clean. This shockingly inexpensive bluetooth shower speaker pairs easily with our devices. It’s got a suction cup so you can hang it on the tile in your shower and the volume is great. And when someone in your family tries to remove this from the wall and breaks the back, it still works if you set it on the shower shelf. Noice.

Pacific Pup Dog Ropes (link)
I order these for our dogs about once a year. You can buy dog ropes anywhere, but I love these specifically because they support a nonprofit dog rescue that saves dogs from a high kill dog shelter. Eventually, my dogs will shred these to pieces and the strings will cover my house, but it’s totally worth it.

Facial Ice Roller (link)
The Graham girls love this ice roller. It’s good when you’re hot, when you ate too much sodium the night before, or, because of pre-teen hormones, you cried yourself to sleep last night. It feels good and, possibly just in your head but, it makes your face feel tight and fresh. A great stocking stuffer for teen girls, they love this stuff.

Ditty Bags (link)
Don’t call them man makeup bags, but that’s what they are. The description says it’s great for “your gear.” *eye roll* If you have someone who travels a lot or camps often, this set of three waterproof sacks are a great idea. Chris uses them constantly.

Slim Leather Wallet (link)
Speaking of Chris Graham, he hates carrying a bulky wallet. He really doesn’t have much to fill a wallet, just a few cards, his license, and some cash, so a few years ago, he ditched the traditional wallet and got one of these. It’s the perfect size, comes in a ton of colors, and is really durable. And, this detail isn’t for everyone, but the gap at the bottom is perfect to hold an AA coin.

Bissell SteamShot (link)
Okay, technically I’m getting this for Christmas, but the review are amazing and a friend swears it’s magical. I’m buying it so I can clean inside my windows, in between the screens and glass where they always get dirty and never seem to be that clean even after wiping them out. It also works on tile, grout, and in all those tricky-to-reach spots around sinks and tub. I turned 40 last month, and I’m excited to get a cleaning product for Christmas. This is who I am now. (Word of caution: don’t give this to a significant other unless they ask! It might not go well!)

Electric Blanket (link)
Okay, so if this is still on sale, it fits in the under $50 category. If it’s not, let’s just pretend. If you live anywhere cold, I believe you should have 1-10 electric blankets. On your bed, on your couch, in your WFH office. Fill your house with them, this is the only way to survive the winter. The girls took theirs camping this fall and just when I thought there wasn’t any place cozier to use an electric blanket, we discovered a chilly camper in the middle of the woods is another perfect spot.

Gold Case Turkish Towels (link)
Have you used turkish towels before? I received some from a sponsored campaign three or four years ago and have been hooked ever since. We use them as beach towels, hand towels, bath towels, and kitchen towels. They get better with age and are highly absorbent. Plus, their hand towels are bigger than a normal hand towel, which I love. If you have someone who loves home goods, get them a set of turkish towels. They’ll love you for it.

Immersion Blender (link)
I’m not sure how I went so long without an immersion blender; probably because I thought they were expensive and it never felt like a good time to buy one. About two years ago, I ordered this one from Amazon, and I’ve never regretted it. If you make a lot of soup or sauces, this will change your life. I feel like that’s an exaggeration, but it’s not. My life was just really boring before this blender. This one comes with attachments that make it a blender. The newer version comes with a milk frother too, which mine didn’t come with, so ordering this one would kill two birds with one stone.

Remote Control Cars (link)
About six months into the pandemic, we ended up ordering these Sharper Image remote control cars from Wal-Mart. I tried to talk Ellie out of it, because for $10 I felt like we were just wasting $10 on a car that would either not work or only work for a few days. And here we are a year and a half later with these awesome cars the girls still play with regularly and love. I don’t understand the voodoo exactly, but these cars should probably be way more than ten bucks. Don’t tell anyone that, but do buy them. We took them camping in Iowa this fall, and the girls drove them ] around the campground endlessly. If you follow me on IG, you know that’s true. My girls love these.

Concrete Head Planter (link)
On a girls’ trip this summer, I picked up one of these concrete head planters at a local garden center. Since then, my mom has made countless comments about how she wants one and so I ordered her one for Christmas. (See how just telling me what you want works??) This is the one I ordered, it has arrived, and it’s great. If you’re looking for a small statue planter, this is it.

Good Morning Coffee Mug (link)
My friend Chelsea has this mug, and I love it. I ordered a few for friends; I got the bigger size (15 oz) and they are perfect. Obviously, this is not for everyone, but for those special people, this will be a big hit.

Clear Stackable Storage Containers (link)
I got these for my birthday, and I love them. They’re great for bathroom, kitchen, or office organization. They’re sturdy and perfect for stacking. I organized our medicine cabinet, my beauty stuff, and some pantry odds and ends with the four I got, and I’m going to order more. I know you can find cheaper ones, but these are worth the expense and really well made. If you have someone in your life who loves to organize or wants to but doesn’t know where to start, a set of these would be a good gift.

Magnatiles (link)
Magnatiles are expensive, and it hurts a little to buy them, but my girls are ten years into playing with them, so I feel confident in telling you it’s a good buy. There are lots of knock-off versions, but the original are best. This set would make a great starter gift to build a kid’s collection. My girls are 10 and 12, and they still find a million ways to use them.

Acrylic Window Bird Feeder (link)
How many bird feeders are too many bird feeders? Don’t answer that. It might make me take some down. Anyway, I got one of these for our living room window and while no birds have noticed it yet (WTH, birds??), it makes me so happy it doesn’t even matter. If you have a bird lover in your life, gift them this adorable birdhouse and a bag of birdseed. Guaranteed to make middle aged humans everywhere very excited.

Mildliner Highlighter/Pens (link)
If you have a teenage girl or adult women who loves office supplies, please stop looking for a gift idea and buy these immediately. Your search is done. I’m serious, take a break. This is it: any color, any set. Finished.

Pacifica Wake Up Beautiful (link)
I had this on my list when I started, but talked myself out of it and deleted it. But now it’s back. It’s called a sleepover mask, but I use it as my nighttime moisturizer and it’s just so, so good. It’s the best moisturizer I’ve ever used and that’s saying something. I gave this as my favorite things gift to my friends last year; I’m convinced everyone should have it. Grab it and put it in some stockings. Grab one for yourself too, Santa told me it’s okay.

Wool Socks (link)
My philosophy is you can never have enough warm socks. I plan on never leaving my house this winter and a good pair of socks is crucial to achieve this level of hibernation. I can’t find my favorite sock from Costco, but the ones I’m linking are now on my Christmas list. Who am I kidding, they’re already in my cart. Someone you love will need them as well, trust me.

Prism (link)
Add this to anyone’s stocking or gift exchange; I keep one in my office window and we have one in the living room. The unexpected joy that arises when the sun hits the prism and we have a room full of color is worth way more than the cost of this two pack.

Tie Down Straps (link)
The final suggestion is a great gift for anyone who travels, carries home too much from Lowes, or likes to live on the edge and pick up random furniture off the side of the road. Chris has a set of these, and he’s adding to his collection with these this year.

Okay, that’s it! Whew. I hope you found at least one thing to help you check off your holiday shopping list. And if not, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe just go with God and some gift cards.

Merry Christmas from the Grahams

It felt too big to mention, so we just posed for pictures and laughed.

Then Kaitlyn mentioned it: that she was so glad to be doing this again, with all of us, after the past two years, after last year’s pictures without Chris. And it felt like everyone exhaled and time froze for just a moment as the gravity of not-together and together sank in.

The road back to this moment has been rocky and exhausting. But here we are: the girls in their Hogwarts costumes; Chris with his mustache comb (when did this happen?); all of us full of peace and gratitude and miracles.

Christmas 2018 is not what we imagined. It’s better and lighter, quieter and calmer. There is still much work to do, many hard things ahead, and unknowns that feel scary, but we’re together, we’re safe, and we’ve got well-combed mustaches (both Chris and I). And for that we’re thankful.

Merry Christmas from the Graham family.

Photography by Huff Photography. Christmas card from Basic Invite; there’s still time to get your order in with 30% off–go here for all the details.

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Love podcasts? May I suggest you listen to the Not Terrible Podcast? My friend Jess and I co-host a weekly show where we discuss hard stories with hope and humor. I’d love for you to listen and subscribe.

25 gifts for anyone on your list

We’re not in emergency shopping range yet, but we’re getting down to the wire. Do you still have people on your list you’re struggling to buy for?

*Enter this list of things Mary loves or has bought for others that were a hit*

Here’s the background on gift lists: I love when people share what they’ve buying or have received. It helps me give better gifts. But if you’ve been around here for a while, you might see a few things pop up more than once. That’s because I really only tell you to buy things I have experience with: things I currently own and love, things I have purchased for others, things I know are good.

I could easily just select cool things off the internet (where there are endless cool things) and tell you to buy them. But I’m not that exciting or creative. I’m sure you have your own awesome wish list from the world wide web. This is stuff I’ve spent my own money on or things that have been gifted to me that I think were great gifts.

So what I’m saying is, you can trust me. I tried to include something for everyone–except little babies–I didn’t come up with any good baby stuff because I don’t have any babies right now and I’m not really shopping for any either.

I’ve included links to Amazon because it’s easiest for me, but get them wherever you love to shop. I’m not the boss of you.

Makeup brushes
I could watch YouTube and Instagram makeup videos all day. I won’t actually do what they’re teaching me, but I like watching it. Kind of like the Olympics, I’m amazed someone can train like that as I watch from my couch with snacks. But I have learned the importance of some makeup brushes. You could buy this for any female and win Christmas. Bonus points if you buy it for a teen who happens to love getting fancy to take selfies in their bedroom.

Magnatiles
My girls asked for more of these for Christmas. Harper got a set last year, and I’ve heard for almost twelve months that they needed more because they can’t make a whole town with the ones they have. We do a family gift on Christmas morning (last year it was a few boxes of puzzles to work on), and I don’t normally take requests for it, but I’m ordering another set for them. There are lots of different options so don’t click the link and roll your eyes at the $100 set. That’s not what I bought last year, and it is not what I will be buying this year either.

State-shaped cutting board
This is fun gift for anyone who loves to entertain or is obsessed with kitchen stuff (I fall into both of those categories). Or maybe you need a hostess gift for a party you’re attending? This would be an amazing teacher gift too.

Cozy Minimal Home book
If I didn’t have this, I would add it to my own Christmas list. It’s full of practical and realistic advice for making our homes cozier without just cramming them full of stuff. It’s helped me see my house differently and her practice of “quieting” a room has helped me calm some spaces that I knew felt off, but I could never figure out why. If you need a gift for someone who loves home decorating or designing, this would be a perfect gift. (Also, a good hostess gift!)

Electric blanket
All the Graham girls LOVE an electric blanket. Ellie and Harper’s rooms are a little drafty in the winter so buying them electric blankets last winter changed their lives. There’s nothing more decadent than climbing into a warm bed in the middle of a freezing cold room. You could also keep one on the couch if you’ve got a drafty living space. Basically, who doesn’t need an electric blanket? (Unless you live somewhere warm year round–then I strongly dislike you and please keep your smugness to yourself.)

Bungee cord kit
You know what guys like? Bungee cords. They like strapping things to the roof of their cars. They like bungee cords for all household answers. They’re good for camping. Bungee cords are the new duct tape. You can never have enough bungee cords, just ask Chris Graham.

Diffuser
I’m not here to sell you oils. Yes, I use them. No, I don’t want to hear about your team opportunities or about switching brands. But I do think everyone should have a diffuser. We just use oils primarily through diffusing. We have them in our bedrooms, the kitchen, and in my office. I have one at the studio too. We diffuse when the air feels dry, when we have stuffy noses, when we’re stressed, when we need some help sleeping. Diffusers can also be used as humidifiers–just fill them with water and add moisture to the room.

Bluetooth speaker lightbulb
I got this last year (two years ago?) at a Favorite Things party, and still think it’s such a great gift. Getting one for a kid means they can have a color-changing lightbulb in their room which feels magical. Because it’s bluetooth, you can stream music through it and so it’s good for bathrooms or kitchens too. I kept one in my home office and when we moved into a new space, it came with us. We use it for background noise when we host events and it’s just fun to have a strobe light in the office.

Smart plug
I know some people just think smart plugs are lazy. Wait, you don’t want to turn that lamp on so you do it with your phone or voice? But it’s more than that. We put our Christmas tree on a smart plug so we can use the timer function then not worry about climbing behind the tree to plug it in. We have a few lamps on smart plugs too; every morning, the one by my couch comes on a 6 AM so I can wander down with my coffee and read my Bible. When we travel, I like to randomly turn lights on when we’re not home and I can do that through the app. Yes, we still use our fat, lazy hands to turn some lights on–that’s not what the smart plug is about.

Sharpies
Who doesn’t love a fresh package of Sharpies? NO ONE. No one hates Sharpies. It’s against the law–these are good for teacher gifts, teenager gifts, mom gifts, dad gifts, and friend gifts. When in doubt, a new package of colorful sharpies (or all black! I always need black ones!) is an easy win.

3D Sandbox kit
I got this for my nephew this year. My sister was thrilled when he opened it. Your friends and family will be too if you give this moldable sandbox with dinosaurs. It’s a good sensory gift, plus it’s just fun. Can’t go outside to play in the sand? Bring the sand inside. A gift only a butthole would give. And I’m totally a butthole.

Wallet clip
Chris currently carries his license and bank card in a clear ID tag cover. It’s embarrassing, but he refuses to stop because he hates all wallets he finds–they’re all too bulky for his tiny butt cheek. A while ago, I heard John for Young House Love Has a Podcast talking about this wallet and how much he loved it. So now Chris is getting it for Christmas. He doesn’t know this yet, so I hope he started reading this post and then gave up at the diffuser paragraph.

Set of bamboo kitchen spoons
Okay, technically, I have not bought these yet. I’m working on downsizing and getting rid of things and I realllllly want to get rid of all my kitchen utensils and buy these. But that makes NO sense because all my current utensils are perfectly fine. So I need you to buy this pretty set of bamboo utensils and give them to someone. I follow a girl on Instagram who loves them and I trust everyone on the internet.

Wool socks
I gave these colorful wool socks as part of my Favorite Things gift this year. They’re machine washable, comfortable, and warm–a perfect stocking stuffer or friend gift. You didn’t ask this question, but as someone with big feet who often doesn’t like the cute socks everyone sells because my giant feet don’t fit them well, these actually fit! Finding a sock where my heel actually goes to the colorful triangle where your heel is supposed to be doesn’t happen often. (Bonus gift idea: I also gave everyone a silk pillowcase because I’m obsessed with mine. It sounds like an old lady gift, but it’s not, I promise. Just Google why you should sleep on one and then make the switch.)

Echo Dot
We’ve been in a relationship with Alexa for over a year now and things are differently getting more serious. We have two: one in the kitchen and one in our bedroom. Music, weather, and answering random questions are how we use her most of the time, but she’s hooked up to the smart plugs too so she can turn on lights when we need. Ellie asked for one this year; I like that she can listen to music without taking an iPad into her room (where she occasionally plays games without permission…) and we can sync the Echo Dots to talk to each other without yelling across the house.

NIV study Bible
I’m still telling everyone to use this Bible to read the Bible from beginning to end. The research, history, and explanations help make sense of things in understandable language and easy connections. I don’t think this would be a great beginner Bible–it might get overwhelming and confusing if someone is coming in with very little Bible knowledge–but for someone looking for a new Bible study, I’d highly recommend you gifting this to them and encouraging them to spend 2019 falling in love with God’s Word.

Rose water facial spray
Stocking stuffer, friend gift, hostess gift: this rose water facial spray is light and subtle. I don’t like the smell of roses (or most floral smells), but this is tolerable and fresh. I spray it on in the morning with a cotton ball, and it just feels refreshing. I don’t think anyone will be upset if this little bottle shows up under the tree.

Camping hammock
Don’t limit this camping hammock to just camping. Yes, you can use it in the wilderness, but it’s also good for the backyard, the college kid who loves the quad at school, or for an afternoon at the park. I think everyone should own a hammock; this one folds up easily, is portable, and has amazing reviews on Amazon. We have two similar ones for camping, and between the girls and Chris, someone is always in them.

Succulents
Even if you only have black thumbs, I think a few succulents can be a good gift. This five-pack from Amazon is less than $16. You could order them and then give them as small gifts to friends, co-workers, or teachers. If you know someone who can’t keep them alive, tell them to water them twice a month with about 1/4 cup of water. That’s it. My motto is you can never have enough plants.

Himalayan salt lamp
Okay, yes, this might seem a little too woo-woo for some people, but using a salt lamp gives a really pretty, subtle glow so if the supposed health benefits feel too fake for you, just give one as a gift because they’re pretty. We have a salt lamp night light in our bathroom and it gives off just enough light to see in the middle of the night without making the room feel lit up.

Instax MINI camera
Full disclosure: this film isn’t cheap, but the camera is so fun, it’s still a great gift idea. You won’t use this as your everyday camera (that’s what your phone is for), but if you’ve got a trip planned or have a gathering with friends, keeping this camera on hand to instantly print fun pictures would be fun. Ellie is always asking me to print pictures and I never get around to it, so she got one of these for Christmas. Film is pricey, but using it to print pictures for her bulletin board or her future locker is exciting for her. Plus, they have these fun photo accessory kits that feel a little like 2018’s version of scrapbooking. This is a great pre-teen or teen gift.

Melissa and Doug horse stable set
My nephew is obsessed with Spirit (a cartoon on Netflix). So when I found this stable and horse set, I knew he needed it. If you’ve got a toddler who loves that show or animals, this will be a hit, I promise. The carrying case makes it good for travel, but keeping it at home is good too. I shared this on Instagram when I bought it and so many people said their kids had it and loved it too.

Mixing bowls and measuring set
I ordered this for myself (don’t mind if I do…) on Prime Day in the spring. Seven months later, I still love it and use it often. This bowl and measuring set would be a good gift for someone who camps, for  someone who is just starting to fill their kitchen, or for someone who needs a mixing bowl upgrade. It’s all good in the dishwasher too which is important for someone like me who refuses to use it if I can’t put it in the dishwasher.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
I came across a copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends at a thrift store this summer and could not believe I had never thought to buy it for the girls. I loved Shel Silverstein as a kid, and he’s a timeless author kids still love. This is a perfect book to keep on the coffee table or nightstand because you can read a poem or two in a relatively short amount of time. They’re silly and fun with just enough artwork to keep younger kids engaged.

Mini waffle maker
At nine years old, Ellie is really starting to show an interest in being in the kitchen and making food. For Easter, she got a mini pancake maker in her basket and she’s used it about once a week since. I actually wish I had bought her this waffle maker version instead though–it’s more versatile than the pancake one. A mini waffle maker is a perfect way to let kids help in the kitchen without having to brave the stove or oven yet.

Okay, that’s it–now you can get your shopping done and spend the rest of December being smug and eating cookies while everyone else scrambles to finish their lists. *pats self on the back*

*DISCLOSURE: Affiliate links used.

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Love podcasts? May I suggest you listen to the Not Terrible Podcast? My friend Jess and I co-host a weekly show where we discuss hard stories with hope and humor. I’d love for you to listen and subscribe.

all the sweets for Christmas

There’s nothing better than a weekend of baking as the holidays approach. I know some would disagree, but those are not my people.

At Christmas I love feeding people sweets. I love buying holiday containers, filling them with sugary treats, and dropping them off on the porches of my friends. I love showing up to holiday parties with a boxes of baked goods. I love eating cookies in December like it is my job.

If this is also your jam, I present to you my favorite ways to fill a holiday goodie box:
(I’m sure you have your own go-tos because this is not a new idea. I’m just sharing mine because they’re better than yours. Just kidding. I’m sure yours are good-ish.)

Chocolate Chip Cookies
No, not just any chocolate chip cookie. You have to make THESE cookies. Don’t change the recipe, don’t do any substitutions. Add as much air as possible to the wet ingredients and then just mix the least amount of times as possible as you add the dry ingredients. Semi-sweet chocolate chips only. Listen, I don’t know many things but I know chocolate chip cookies. Do this recipe, bake them until they’re just barely done, and the people will never be the same.

This is a very powerful cookie. Please be careful with your new power.

(The next three treats are where the girls get in on the action. Dipping things in chocolate is a gift from God. Amen.)

Chocolate-Dipped Pretzel Rods
Buy a few bags of pretzel rods because you don’t realize how many are broken until you specifically need unbroken ones for chocolate-dipped pretzel rods. Plus, there might be some snacking while you dip. There is no such thing as too many sprinkles, so hoard them all year long for this sprinkle party.

Chocolate-Dipped Oreos
Speaking of sprinkle party, we’re dipping Oreos in chocolate and throwing sprinkles on them too. I do both chocolate and white chocolate, but the white chocolate are normally the first to go. No one can turn down an Oreo; adding in more chocolate cannot be wrong. (We’ve done this multiple ways: with sticks to look like lollipops, half dipping, and full dipping. Do whatever your heart desires.)

Rolo Pretzels
I don’t think you can go wrong with salt and chocolate so I throw in some Rolo pretzels to fill in the empty spots in the cookie box.

Sugar cookies
I know everyone has their favorite recipe (or store-bought cookie dough), but I’m going to need you to make this one. Before I share it, please know I’m not a fan of buying a vat of lard (also known as shortening), but you’re going to need to, and it will work out wonderfully.

Cream:
1/2 cup shortening
1/4 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs

Combine in a separate bowl:
2 and 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt

Combine wet and dry ingredients. Cover dough and let it chill in the fridge for at least one hour (overnight is best). Roll out to 1/4 in. thickness, cut into shapes, and bake at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes. They’ll burn fast so pay attention. The thicker the dough the softer they end up so don’t make them too thin. Double the recipe if you want more cookies, don’t make the dough thinner. Then cool and ice with your favorite icing.

That’s it. I’ve done other random cookies (like these white chocolate cranberry oatmeal cookies) when I’ve been feeling extra, but these are my standbys. Find a cute cookie box or container and start packing! Just as I’m closing the box of sweets, I like to throw in candy cane Kisses. Because what this package needs is just a little more chocolate.

Happy baking!

 

P.S. If you’re feeling extra festive, throw in a mini loaf of this banana bread (always do the vinegar/milk substitute for the buttermilk, please and thank you), and make this zesty Chex Mix too.

Zesty Chex Mix
3 cups of each cereal (rice, wheat, corn Chex)
8 Tbsp. melted butter or margarine
3 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
2 Tbsp. seasoned salt
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. onion powder

*add in nuts, pretzels, etc. as you prefer. We don’t like nuts in it, but pretzel sticks are a must.
*Heat the over to 250 degrees. Spread the mixture on a baking sheet baking for 60 minutes total, taking it out every 15 minutes to stir. (You can also microwave instead of baking, do 3-4 rounds of five minutes, stirring the bowl in between.) Cool on newspaper. This is salty and bold, if you’re going to be in someone’s face or on a first date in a few days, skip this one for now. We’re addicted to it, but it’s not for the weak.

 

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Love podcasts? May I suggest you listen to the Not Terrible Podcast? My friend Jess and I co-host a weekly show where we discuss hard stories with hope and humor. I’d love for you to listen and subscribe.

13 books I’d give to anyone for Christmas

Buying a book for someone else is tricky.

We don’t all like the same things. We don’t all enjoy the same genres. We don’t all laugh at the same jokes.

But what if there were some fool-proof books you could give almost anyone and they’d love?

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Before I begin, if you give someone one of these books and they don’t like it, it probably means they have horrible taste in books and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I know good books. I stand by this list and it will never be my fault for someone not clicking with one of them.

Okay, now we can begin:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty
I read this years ago and still think about it often. Doughty is a mortician whose life mission is to make us rethink our traditions and customs of honoring the dead. I loved this book; it’s full of research, stories from around the world, and honest discussion about the way we’ve created a culture afraid of the dead bodies of our loved ones.

Rosemary: The Hidden Kennedy Sister by Kate Clifford Larson
As someone who doesn’t have any real interest in the Kennedy family, this book was engaging and interesting from beginning to end. The bigger story of our mistreatment and misunderstanding of mental illness and differently-abled people will break your heart and, hopefully, reframe the way you think and talk about God’s children the world often deems second class.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris (or any Sedaris book, really)
This is not Sedaris’ first book, but it’s the first one I read as a sophomore in college so it holds a special place in my heart. Me Talk Pretty One Day is a collection of essays about his childhood and family. As a writer, I respect this book for the craft; as a reader, I love his voice and family, the way he paints such authentic, flawed people with love and honesty.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
This book is about two children, a blind girl and a young soldier, whose paths cross in occupied France during World War II. All the Light We Cannot See is such a well-written story, the talent and dedication it takes to tell such a moving fiction is awe-inspiring. I haven’t met anyone who didn’t love this book.

Made You Up by Francesca Zappia
I’m throwing a little young adult fiction on the list because I will forever work against the stereotype that the label YA makes it childish or not valid for the adult reader. I participated in an adult book club read of Made You Up with my local library and sitting in a room full of elderly adults discussing this moving book made my heart so happy. Of course some YA literature isn’t engaging for adults, but this one is, so don’t write it off because of the genre.

A Man Called Ove by Fredrick Backman
I made my dad read this book, and he begrudgingly did it. We read very different things and while he won’t say he loved it, I can tell in his eyes he did. A Man Called Ove is about a crumedgeon who seems to hate everyone. Underneath his grumpy exterior is sadness and pain, so as the reader gets to know Ove, you can’t help but fall in love with him even though you want to strangle him. The storytelling and character development in this one is beautiful to witness.


The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
I couldn’t put a gift list together without a side of social justice. I think The New Jim Crow should be required reading for everyone in America. Reading this well-researched and thought-provoking book about mass incarceration in the US will change your perspective on how race influences our criminal “justice” system. This will push lots of us to confront some bias and privilege we tend to ignore.

Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits–to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life by Gretchen Rubin
Want to feel pumped and excited for the new year? Grab this book. If you’ve got someone on your list who loves self-improvement and self-help and encouragement, Better Than Before is the perfect gift. I listened to the audio version on the treadmill every morning, and I felt so inspired. There’s good stuff for everyone in this one.

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance
There are two groups of people who read this book: people who see themselves in the Vance family and those who know people who are the Vance family. Either way, Hillbilly Elegy is a frank and honest look at the upwardly mobile white lower class struggles. Race and class in American is so twisty and complicated, and if we want to talk openly about all the parts, we all need to read this book.

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
If you’ve been here for a while you know I recommend this book on all my gift lists. It’s just funny. Leave it on the coffee table and let the people laugh. If you’re a sensitive Nelly who doesn’t like curse words, you’ll want to sit this one out, but otherwise, it’s an entertaining and fun book that most (non-prudish) people will enjoy.

Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World by Bob Goff
Children’s version: Love Does by Bob Goff and Lindsey Goff Viducich
We all feel ordinary and stuck sometimes. In Love Does, Goff helps us change our perspective from boring to exciting with a call to see and interact in our world differently. This book feels happy and joyful and life-giving in a way we can all relate to.

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
You didn’t think I’d make a book-buying list without including this one, did you? If I was asked one book outside of the Bible that got me through the roughest year of my life, it would be The Road Back to You. Seeing myself through the lens of the Enneagram began a journey of work and healing, both for myself and my marriage, that I’m not sure would have happened otherwise. It feels crazy to say this book filled in blanks that were killing me in ways I wasn’t yet aware, but it’s the truth. I seriously do give this book to everyone, and I think you should too.

Remember: If you buy one of these books and the receiver doesn’t like it, it means they’re tasteless chumps who wouldn’t know a good book if it bit them in the butt. Because these are good great books everyone should love.

Have a good one to add to the list? What book would you give to anyone because you love it so much? Help us spread good books!

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9 Amazon gifts I’m loving right now

In July my steady teacher paycheck stopped and so did my thoughtless Amazon purchases. They weren’t that justified before, but now, with no salary and a new “self-employed” title, I needed to get it together fast.

But I still wanted things. *face palm*

I wasn’t willing to take on debt for the things I wanted.

I wasn’t willing to skip groceries for the week to get the things I wanted.

So I started counting down the days until my birthday. In October, I’d have some birthday money burning a hole in my pocket, and I needed to be prepared.

For months I took screenshots of things I found online, things people shared I was interested in, or things I read about and then searched out on Amazon. I created a little visual wish list, if you will.

Then one night in October, I sat on the couch as my kids watched a movie and went through the screenshots. Some of the things didn’t interest me anymore so I deleted them with no regrets. But some of the things still called to me, had been calling to me for months, so I carefully placed them in my Amazon cart and watched the total. I had $125 to spend and, while I didn’t want to spend all of it just because I had it, I knew what I wanted and if I could get it all, I would.

It wasn’t impulse purchasing. It was birthday shopping, money meant for me and only me. When the girls were younger and things were a lot tighter as we were still working to pay off debt, some of this money would have been spent on our family, our bills, or put in the bank.

But not this time. This time it was all mine. *insert evil laugh here*

I’d spent the week leading up to this evening on the couch purging our house of belongings and excess. I didn’t want to live in a house overflowing with clothes and toys and junk we didn’t need. So I was aware as I put things in my shopping cart to not just replace things I had recently gotten rid of. The goal of purging was to live with less, not an excuse to buy new, better things.

In the end, I spent $114 exactly. Here’s what I got and why you might be interested in them too:

 

Jade roller
I’m closer to 40 than 30. While I am not too concerned about the state of my skin yet, I know the day is closer than I’d like so when I started hearing about using a jade roller to help with the look and tightness of your skin, I was all ears. I don’t want expensive potions and lotions. I won’t ever shoot my face with poison to combat wrinkles, but I will roll my face with a cool stone every night before bed in hopes of delaying saggy jowls.

Sunglasses
I’m one of those weirdos who can own just one pair of sunglasses for years without losing them or buying a second pair. This is odd, I get it. The pair I’ve had for the past year and a half have started to fall apart so I’ve been on the hunt for a new pair. These (I got the two pack, brown and black) had really good reviews and were recommended by a girl I follow on IG. Apparently they’re some designer knock-offs, but I have no idea who/what they’re stealing from because that doesn’t interest me in the slightest. Anyway, I got these glasses, they’re oversized and wonderful. So now I own two pairs of sunglasses which makes me feel like the fanciest person in all the land.

Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions by Gerald G. May, MD
I haven’t started reading this one yet, but my friend Laura read it and when she finished it (early one weekday morning), she texted me immediately to tell me to buy it. So I did. I’m excited to find time to read it soon.

Cozy Minimalist Home: More Style, Less Stuff by Myquinllin Smith
With the current purge going on at our house, I bought a book about having less stuff…because I love irony and mixed messages. BUT SERIOUSLY. I love Smith’s first book (The Nesting Place), and found it full of relatable design and home ideas so when her new book about creating a cozy home with less things came out, I was all in. This is going to be my Thanksgiving break read–I’m looking forward to spending early mornings by the fire flipping through it.

Reusable straws
Please be impressed with my concern for our environment.

Also, that’s not why I ordered these, but I am fine with pretending. Every morning I make my way down to the kitchen and chug a big cup of water. Normally 16-20 ounces just as quick as I can to get it over with. I have two cups I do this with and one of them doesn’t have a straw. I can’t drink all that water fast without a straw so I ordered this set. I couldn’t order just one straw, but now that we have them, we’re using them all the time. The girls use them with cups at home, and once I went to Wendy’s and they forgot to give me a straw so I used a stainless steel straw in my Diet Coke which made me feel very smug and smart.

Black leggings
Please give me all of your attention. This is really important, we need to talk about black leggings. I *know* you can get them anywhere–the gas station, Lulu Lemon, Costco, the Dollar Store–but these are it for me. I’ve tried lots of legging and I’m verrrrry picky. I refuse to pay a fortune. I don’t want a thin elastic band around my middle because it’s unflattering. I need them to be long enough for my very long legs. I won’t wear them with a short shirt, but I still want to feel safe about their thickness if my butt shows. High-waisted is a plus. They can’t be see-through. They must hold up all day and not get saggy. They can’t pill after a few washes.

THIS IS A LONG LIST OF DEMANDS.

But these leggings do it. They’re almost too good to be true and I hesitate to share them with you because what if they go out of stock? It would be a national tragedy. But in the spirit of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” I’m telling you to buy these leggings. Probably a few pairs, if I’m being honest. When they arrived, I wore them every single day for a week. Not kidding; Monday through Friday and then I slept in them on Friday night because I am dedicated to research and development before I share with my readers. And maybe a little lazy too, but mostly just really dedicated. They didn’t get saggy, they never lost their shape, they didn’t get weird in the crotch. They’re like the holy grail of leggings, and I’m getting more for Christmas so leave a few pairs of the larges for me, please and thank you.

Satin pillowcases
After I roll my face with a rock (please see the jade roller paragraph above), I go to sleep on my satin pillowcase like the princess I am.  I’m sleeping on a satin pillow case because I’m a grandma, it’s better for my hair, and it’s easier on my skin too. Mostly my nighttime ritual has ruined all thoughts of romance for Chris Graham, but at least I’ll look younger than my peers.

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
This book has been on my list for a while, and I finally pulled the trigger. I shall read it and give you a review in my monthly newsletter, but if you’re going through hard stuff or want to support someone who is, I think this one might be a good one.

Did I just help you start your Christmas list? Yes, yes, I did.

*DISCLOSURE: Affiliate links used.

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What I Love: Valentine’s Day

It seems hypocritical to say I don’t want my kids to have a lot of Christmas presents and that our family is big on being responsible with our finances and then tell you about how big we do Valentine’s Day stuff.

If you’re new here, I’m a paradox. Welcome. I hope to confuse you as much as I can.

That’s not helpful, but here’s why I love Valentine’s Day: I love being reminded to tell my people I love them. I don’t care if it’s a greeting card created holiday. I don’t care if you think it’s cheesy. I don’t care if you think it’s a waste of time. I really enjoy celebrating my kids, my friends, and, also, my husband. I don’t get too invested in the romantic part of the holiday, but making feel others feel loved and special is a major draw for me.

The celebrating starts at our house on February 7th. Seven days before the big day, the Valentine’s Day mailboxes arrive in the living room. We’ve been doing this long enough that we’re on our second set of boxes, the first set having met an untimely death due to poor construction. (We started this tradition in 2012, and I’ve written about it before, like in this post from February 2013).

You can pick up boxes like these pretty much anywhere. Target’s Dollar Spot always has them in February and Hobby Lobby and Michael’s have similar ones. Amazon has some too, but you’ll pay more than you would if you grabbed them at the store. The first set we had were decorated, but I’m not that interested in making them cute anymore. Each box has their first initial on it with a permanent marker and that’s as fancy as we’re getting in 2018.

As the week before Valentine’s Day approaches, I pick up small gifts (they have to be able to fit in the mailbox) to surprise the girls with. I could easily get carried away with this, so I’m very aware of how much I’m spending and how much I’m gathering so I don’t get out of hand. This year, the girls are getting cat coin purses, little burlap sacks with fun erasers, Chapstick, animal figurines, stickers, Post-It notes, pens, window clings, candy, and kitty squishies.

[The cat coin purse came from Walmart. I can’t find it online, but I’m linking to this horrifying one instead. The price is similar but I wouldn’t give it to your kids unless you want them to cry. The burlap sacks, erasers, animal figurines, and window clings came from the Target Dollar Spot. The Chapstick came from…I’m not telling you. If you don’t know where to get Chapstick, get out of here and don’t come back. The kitty squishies came from Amazon.]

I’ve spent about $24 total for all the junk. Post-It notes and some stuff, I already had in my office stash. If I decided to put Post-It notes and rolls of tape in those boxes every day my kids would be thrilled. I’m totally serious.

One thing I’m adding this year is small notes to the girls. Each day, I’ll write something I love about them on a piece of paper and slip it in with their present. Little gifts are fun, but I’m also working hard to make sure they know their hearts and the gifts God gave them are a blessings to me. I want to speak life into the good I see in them.

Part of the fun of these boxes is the girls don’t know when their goodies will arrive. Sometimes they’ll wake up and the mailbox arms (flags?) will be up, signalling they have a delivery. Other times, it won’t be until after school. This unpredictability is partly to keep them guessing and partly because when this started, I would occasionally forget to put a surprise in there before they woke up and so I made the rule that the treasures can arrive at any point. Because I make the rules.

On Valentine’s Day, the girls will wake up to donuts, new plates, fun shirts to wear to school, and, this year, kitty backpacks. Listen, 2018 is the year of the cat in the Graham house. I refuse to have a real cat, but I will completely support all the cute cat stuff desires. I am here for cat pictures. I am not here for cat hair or litter boxes.

[I’m super-pumped about this “feminist” t-shirt the girls are getting. Cute, inexpensive plates from the Target Dollar Shop, and these shiny small backpacks from Amazon. *Before you click on that link, I did NOT pay this price for the bags. I follow an Amazon deals Instagram account; this girl posts crazy flash deals and I bought the backpacks for around $6. Follow @mamalikesadeal so you can get $40 backpacks for $6 too.*]

When the girls head to school, they’re taking some pretty sweet llama, cat, and unicorn cards and treats to their friends. I really love the cutesy, DIY Valentine’s Day cards moms make for their kids’ parties. What I don’t love (or have) is the actual patience or time to do them. So I pay a little extra to have someone else do the hard work, and I’ll just take all the credit.

Harper is taking cat and llama themed mini play packs with a little card attached. I picked up the packets (containing coloring book, sticker, and set of crayons) at the Target Dollar Spot and also grabbed a couple boxes of their cards. Harper will sign the cards, I’ll staple the cards to the play packs, and we’ll call it a day.

For Ellie, I ordered unicorn poop from Amazon and we’re attaching unicorn and rainbow themed cards to the bags. The unicorn poop are just colored mini marshmallows but you know some third graders are going to lose their little minds when they see some poop in their Valentine’s Day boxes.

I can’t wait for Ellie to hand out poop. This will be my proudest parenting moment thus far.

Does this seem overboard for a made-up holiday? Probably. But this is my time to shine. I don’t know why I love this time of the year so much, maybe it’s because I need a distraction from the winter blues I tend to get right about now. Whatever the reason, I take full advantage of the madness as an excuse to cover the house in hearts, wear pink and red at the same time, and eat excessive amounts of gummy candy.

*****

Visiting my archives, I realize I’ve been sharing the same over-excitement for Valentine’s Day for years. *pats self on back for being consistent* Here are some other Valentine’s Day-related posts I’ve written:
Writing love notes to my girlfriends
It’s okay, you’re allowed to like Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day mailboxes + gift ideas (my original Valentine’s Day gift post from 2013)
Vintage books: decorating for Valentine’s Day 
You’ve Got Mail (the original DIY mailboxes from 2012)

Disclosure: Affiliate links used; thank you for supporting the businesses that support this space.

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9 Christmas gift book ideas from your favorite book recommender

(That title, am I right?)

I’ve been getting 10-15 phone calls a day asking about Christmas gift ideas so I’ve finally put together a list of fail-proof ideas for all the people on your list.

I’m just kidding about the phone calls. People know not to call me. If you called me, I would send it to voicemail, let the voicemail sit for a few days, and then delete it without listening to it.

Please never call me. Thanks.

But Christmas gift book ideas! People really do ask about that, just not via the dreadful telephone. And here’s what I’m telling the people:

For the creative doodler or a teenager girl: 30 Days of Peace or 30 Days of Joy
That designation might be misleading since I have both of these in my stack to complete in 2018, and I am neither of those title. Both of these one-month creative journals are full of scriptures to encourage, space to draw or doodle, and writing prompts to help cultivate a heart of peace or one full of joy. So really, these journals would work for anyone. They’re not overwhelming or time-consuming, but small bites to help you breath in some scripture and then live in the truth they’re sharing. If someone you know could use a new way to read scripture or just likes to be creative in their quiet time, these would be good gifts.

For small kids: the My Little Cities series by Jennifer Adams
These amazing board books introduce little kids to different cities around the world (Paris, London, San Francisco, and New York). The illustrations by Greg Pizzoli are beautiful and the simple rhyming phrases are great for those little brains acquiring new words on a daily basis. We have some friends who’ve spent the last ten years traveling the world and just had their first baby (Hi, Rhett!). We’re going to meet the little guy today and these books are perfect gift for him. (If you’re getting the books for toddlers, they have a super cute matching game to go with the series as well.)

For the goal-setter: The Daily Bible
I’ve shared this multiple times this year, but I’m nearing the end and still loving it. The Daily Bible is a chronological reading of the Bible to be completed in one year. Besides reading the Bible in the order it actually happened (which is opening my eyes in a whole new way), it also has commentary and insights that make it easier to understand, help connect dots, and pose thoughtful questions. I can’t tell you enough how highly I recommend this Bible.

For the self-help guru: The Road Back to You
If you’ve been paying attention the past month or two, I’ve become obsessed with the Enneagram. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile has given me a life-changing shift in my thinking. I see weaknesses and strengths better and it’s making me more compassionate and kind to others and myself. It’s given me renewed energy for healthy relationships and helping me to relate better to people. This book would be an amazing introduction to anyone who likes to learn about personality types. I love that this book acknowledges we were all made in His image and getting back to a healthy spot that glorifies God and gives us our best selves is a noble journey.

For the hurried soul: The Daily Question
This would make a great stocking stuffer or gift exchange addition. The Daily Question is a five-year spiritual journal. It would take two to three minutes a day to fill out, and be such a neat way to look back at your personal growth and progress. Each day has a prompt (like when did you have to be honest even though it wasn’t easy?, who brought you joy today? and in what circumstances are you able to put your gifts to best use?) and a year for you to fill in. You answer in a few lines and then don’t come back to that prompt again for a year–I’m starting this in January and can’t wait to see how my answers change over the next few years.

For the conscious food-lover: Food Rules
Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan and illustrated by Maira Kalman is beautiful to look at and full of simple, yet practical ways to think about food. If you’ve got someone on your Christmas list who loves talking food, is interested in the clean food movement, or just loves to collect books on food (*ahem* me), this would be a welcome gift.

For the social justice advocate: The Hate You Give
Don’t skip this recommendation when I mention it’s a young adult novel. YA novels get such a bad rap, but The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas on the shooting of an unarmed black teenager is important and compelling. Get it for your favorite teenager and then ask to borrow it when they’re done.

For the anxious worrier: This I Know
This one is a Bible study that comes out in January so pre-order it now and have it arrive to your favorite worrier in January when they’re too cold to leave the house. Or buy it for your girlfriends and start 2018 with a Bible study. This I Know: Trusting Your Unknown Future to a Known God by Laura Dingman is for anyone who has felt lost, out-of-control, or consumed by doubt and worry. I had the honor of reading this study in the fall (and writing an endorsement so look for my compelling short paragraph blurb in the front *pats self on back*), and it was exactly the reminder I needed when things felt so hopeless. Reading God is trustworthy versus living like God is trustworthy are two very different things and This I Know helps us figure out how to the second one well.

For your mom: 31 Proverbs to Light Your Path
This is legit for my mom, so Ruth go somewhere else for this paragraph. 31 Proverbs to Light Your Path by Liz Curtis Higgs would make a great addition to a bedside book stack (everyone has one of those, right??). I love reading Proverbs because each nugget seems so wise and timely that I end up highlighting the whole book. It’s probably a little much. The scriptures in this book were chosen by hundreds of women as their favorites and Curtis Higgs helps the reader examine them with humor and encouragement. Reading one every day or just sporadically will still fill your favorite mom-reader with truth and light. (Is it weird to say this is a mom book? I’m allowed to say that because I’m a mom. I am tempted to keep it for myself.)

Okay, I’m out of clever titles, but here are the books my kids are getting under the tree this year: The Action Bible (it’s the Bible as a graphic novel!), the newest Dairy of a Wimpy Kid book for Ellie (The Getaway), and a box set of Owl Diaries for Harper.

What books are you getting your favorite people this year? Share them below–you know we all need shopping help.

Also! I’m giving away copies of many of these books on Facebook and Instagram book account this week so keep your eyes peeled to get a copy just in time for Christmas.

DISCLOSURE: THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS.
DISCLOSURE: THIS IS A SPONSORED POST BUT ALL OPINIONS ARE MINE AND YOU KNOW I’M NOT TELLING YOU TO BUY SOMETHING I DON’T ACTUALLY LOVE.

9 book gift ideas that aren’t horrible or boring

Buying books for Christmas gifts is tricky. You think you know what the other person will like, you hope they’ll enjoy this book that you enjoyed, but truly you don’t know if they will actually fall in love with it like you did, let alone open it up.

A few months ago I read a book I thought my dad would like. The book’s main character was very similar to my dad and I knew he’d see himself in it and enjoy it. I lent him my book and he reluctantly read it.

He did not enjoy it. I think it physically pained him to read it.

I feel this does not reflect badly on my book recommendations, but on the fact that my dad doesn’t know a good book when he reads it. This is my unbiased, professional reader opinion. Lesson learned: I will force you to love a book whether you want to or not.

If you’re like me and know what people like to read better than they do, here are some great Christmas gift ideas:

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (my review) (link to buy)
This would make a great book for anyone who loves historical fiction or appreciates a beautiful story. It’s a haunting story that will stay with the reader for a long time and I assume they’ll be turning it into a movie sometime soon.

Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton (my review) (link to buy)
This book of short memoir-style essays would be great for a busy woman who wants to read more but can only handle small texts because of life, time, and exhaustion. Doyle Melton is entertaining, smart, and humorous. (I also feel like I need to say, her new book is the opposite of this one and not for the faint of heart. Also, I feel like she’s becoming more and more for the masses and less about Jesus so that’s just a word of caution.)

Rosemary The Hidden Kennedy Daughter by Kate Clifford Larson (my review) (link to buy)
I bought this for my grandma this year. Apparently she loves the Kennedys. I don’t especially love the Kennedys but this book was so engaging and interesting nonetheless. Anyone who loves biographies, history, or has connections to kids and mental illness will connect with this shocking and heartbreaking book.

Made You Up by Francesca Zappia (my review) (link to buy)
This young adult novel is great for older YA readers and adults. I’ve been using this as a book club selection for my high school students and kids have been freaking out about how much they love it. Get this for a reluctant reader or the kid that can’t consume a book fast enough. It’s good for everyone.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlyn Doughty (my review) (link to buy)
You know what will be a hit for Christmas? A book about death and the death industry. Shocking but true. I’m not a big non-fiction reader but this book full of first person stories, history of death traditions from around the world, and commentary on how we’re doing death wrong is so great. You’re just going to have to take my word for it, but this book is so good.

Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson (my review) (link to buy)
Lawson’s essays on mental illness, dead animals, marriage, and family are the perfect mix of struggle, humor, and hope. She’s not neat and tidy, but she is so entertaining and perfect. If you give this book as a gift, you might want to include her first book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (my review) also because once someone reads Lawson, they’ll want more immediately.

Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls 100 Tales of Extraordinary Women (link to buy)
I’ve seen this amazing book going around the internet recently and I ordered it for my girls for Christmas. I don’t care at all that my daughters love to dress up as princesses and pretend they’re getting married, but I also want them to know that’s not their only option for playtime. I can’t wait to read this book with them. Ellie will see herself in the mathematicians and artists in the book, and Harper will love hearing about real life engineers and scientists. I’m just giddy about this purchase.

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern (my review) (link to buy)
If you know someone who has a dad, this book would be a good fit. It’s full of entertaining and really funny stories of Halpern’s dad and you can’t help but connect with him. There is a lot of inappropriate language though, so if that’s not your thing, maybe skip this one.

Design Mom: How to Live With Kids by Gabrielle Stanley Blair (my review) (link to buy)
If you’ve got someone on your Christmas list who loves to decorate, remodel, or organize some crap, this book is for them. The pictures are beautiful, the ideas are relateable and real (as opposed to those weird design books that make you feel crappy and poor), and the book is full of things you could implement right away in your own home. Most design books, to me, are off-putting and unrealistic. This one isn’t, and it’s so enjoyable to read.

Do you buy books as Christmas gifts? It’s such a crap shoot, for real. Have any books that would make great gifts? Share them!

DISCLOSURE: AFFILIATE LINKS USED. THANKS FOR SUPPORTING THIS BLOG SPACE WITH YOUR PURCHASES.

Merry Christmas, even if it’s hard

I feel like we need to stop for a minute and acknowledge that maybe, for some of us, this season is hard. Like really hard. And we’d just like to skip the festivities this year.

In the fall of 2012, I accidentally got pregnant. “Accidentally” meaning it was not planned. Not “accidentally” like I didn’t know how babies were made. Please do not email me and offer to explain. In 5th grade my mom showed my sister and I what a condom was and how to put one on and I’ve never been the same since. Plus, the giggling that came out of my younger sister’s mouth still haunts my nightmares. She used to laugh like a hyena on crack.

We had not planned on more children and were shocked at the positive pregnancy tests. But by Christmas time, we were starting to get excited and spent holiday gatherings telling our families. Everyone knew we were good with two and so surprising everyone with third Graham baby news was really fun.

Then in January I had a miscarriage.

It was long and drawn out and knocked me on my butt hard. I drank a lot of wine and ate a lot of cheese in January. I wore lots of black and acted very French, apparently. If I could have found one of those really long cigarette holders I totally would have used it. I don’t smoke, but maybe I would have taken it up? Who knows.

Because life is cruel and the world doesn’t care, everything else went on and so I did too. But when Christmas rolled around the next year, sadness and emptiness hit fast and hard. I didn’t see it coming. Most days I didn’t think about our loss because I am really good at blocking bad stuff out. I think it’s called denial, I am not sure.

merry christmas even if it's hard

But that Christmas we should have had a baby. Christmas was when we shared our good news. Christmas was here and we were one short.

It shocked how much it hurt again. I wasn’t prepared for the sudden, intense hurt to come back so strong. I thought we were moving on.

This year has been hard for people I love. Two of them have said out loud I was raped. Babies have died. Spouses have died. Divorces have divided families.

This Christmas season looks pretty on Instagram and Facebook but there’s a lot of pain here too. I know the feeling all too well of just wishing this holiday would pass because there’s too much family time and celebrating, too much cheer and down time. Because it’s during the quiet that sadness creeps in and takes over. Because a routine and work and errands and meetings fill things, distract minds, and make the hurt less noticeable.

It’s still there though, settled in for the long haul like those twenty pounds you really want to lose, but you sometimes forget about it if you’re busy and wearing stretchy pants. But when you’ve got time to sit and reflect and eat the dessert with Grandma, then you realize your pants are too tight. Or your broken heart is overwhelming you. So then you’re uncomfortable and sad and just want to get out of the house. Or the pants. I sorta got lost on that metaphor so you’re just going to need to trust me that it makes sense.

I have a friend who had a miscarriage recently. I think about her a lot and really want to reach out to let her know I love her and am thinking about the baby she won’t get to meet until heaven; to let her know she isn’t alone if sadness and maybe anger show up this Christmas instead of joy and cheer. But I haven’t said these things to her because there is a small, self-conscious part of me that thinks I might just be bringing up something unpleasant for her and that would be rude.

I know that is completely false because my fear of bringing it up implies that it went somewhere, that it left.

It didn’t go anywhere.

It’s there all the time. Loss of life, loss of relationship, loss of innocence, it doesn’t leave. It shapes and molds you into something different and, at times, unrecognizable. It’s there whether we say it out loud or not.

So for Christmas this year, let’s say it out loud. Let’s say that we’re hurting and we need help. Let’s say that this is hard and it feels like too much. And let’s not be afraid to ask how others are doing and to really, truly listen to what the answer is.

Merry Christmas, even if it’s hard.

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