childish things

I remember so many random things about my childhood but seem to forget the big stuff that should make an impact. It’s funny how your brain works.

I can vividly remember picking out places to bury bodies without anyone ever finding them when I was younger while taking the long car ride to my grandparents’ house. To this day, every time we head out there, I look at this small bridge and think if I needed to hide a body, that’s where I’d do it.

I mean, not that I ever think of killing someone. But you know, just in case.

Should I be worried those are the thoughts I had as a child?

I probably just read too many books, truthfully. Those things make your imagination go crazy.

The other weekend at church, Harper was in her class with her teachers Ms. Kristi and Mr. Luke. Ms. Kristi and Mr. Luke had their beautiful new baby with them and Mr. Luke was burping her. Harper was very interested in what was happening and asked why he was tapping the baby’s back. He explained you had to help little babies burp. Later on the way home from church, we were talking about it again because Harper just could not believe that babies couldn’t burp on their own. We talked about gas in our bellies and how it makes them hurt if it doesn’t come out. After a minute of processing that new information, Harper asked, “Well, how do you make them fart?”

A valid question.

So I got to explain how babies are total pros at farting and do it on their own from the beginning. God took care of that one for us. #blessed

Do you remember some of the weird things you thought about when you were little?

I remember knowing just enough about what cruise control in the car did and thinking it meant the car drove by itself. Like you just flipped the switch for cruise control and the car did all of the steering, braking, everything. I was seriously bummed when I learned cruise control just kept your speed constant.

I thought cars drove themselves. In the eighties. LIKE IN THE JETSONS.

My life has been one disappointment after another.

One time I was trying to be an awesome helper and I took all the towels out of the bathroom and placed them in the laundry room. Then I replaced the hand towel on the rack and got out another bath towel and put it over the side of the tub. When my mom saw that I had put a clean bath towel over the side of the tub where she just put the used ones to dry, she couldn’t stop laughing. It just tickled her so much that I thought towels were hung there for decoration.

It was the last time I did a chore, that’s how devastating her laughter was to me.

And I still haven’t gotten over it, obviously.

Did you have to do chores when you were younger? The Ritter kids did not. My parents would occasionally make us fold a load of laundry or wash some dishes and you would have thought they had asked us to skin ourselves using only a butter knife. It was the worst thing in the world. Although we did have to push-mow an acre of land pretty consistently in the summer and that was absolute torture. Hot, muggy Indiana summers and push mowers still haunt my nightmares.

Because I’m just sharing the most random memories right now, I feel it’s important to note that once my younger brother (THE BABY OF THE FAMILY) was old enough to mow, my dad upgraded to a riding lawn mower and suddenly mowing the lawn wasn’t such a bid deal. But for years, my sister and I took turns pushing the mower up and down that never-ending yard.

Another thing I have not gotten over.

Being the oldest daughter comes with a cross that is too hard to bear sometimes. I pray for strength. We all have our afflictions, being the oldest child is mine.

What stinks for my oldest daughter is I know all the bossy big sister tricks and she is totally not getting away with any of them. The always taking the best for yourself, the making up new rules that benefit only you, the being in charge of all the games and toys, the blind follow by your younger siblings…I enjoyed those perks, but Ellie gets called out on them immediately to her absolute annoyance. I do this partly for entertainment value and partly because I want her to be kinder and better than me.

But mostly because it’s fun to call her out.

I mean, once an oldest sister, always an oldest sister. AM I RIGHT?!